Quote Originally Posted by sweetana3 View Post
We all like to talk about aging in place and it is totally fine. But also think about sudden permanent incapacity, need for advanced nursing care, or brain diseases. It is fine to say one is living independently until it takes a village of caretakers who are giving up their one or their multiple lives to keep you in place. It is most usually a spouse or partner or a child.

Had one of our top elder lawyers give a talk and even they said it is not death that is the biggest crisis for most families but any form or incapacitation whether physical or mental. It can even come on suddenly like a stroke or slowly like dementia or ALS. We need to at least have a converstation and discuss various options for each spouse. And do not forget children that may be called on to drop everything.
I agree, but that's life. We can always expect the unexpected, which I know is your point. In the "old days" people had heart attacks and died. Today, life can be extended ad nauseam, despite incapacitation. Is that a blessing or a curse? I prefer to plan prudently, but not to be prescriptive about decisions that might be our kids' rights to make at that point. I hope that when they tell me it's time to go to a nursing home, I will go graciously, as my mother did. Frankly, I hope I have a life-ending heart attack.

I wonder if we obsess too much about elder care. This is an industry that has been created fairly recently. Again, "in the old days" at-home elder care was taken for granted as a part of life. I'm not saying it's easy, or even possible these days, but sometimes the best things in life are hard.