Quote Originally Posted by catherine View Post
So my brother in hospice died on Tuesday. Blood-wise, he was actually a cousin. His mother died in childbirth and his father died when he was six from gall-bladder surgery complications (or at least that's what we've been told). Some have said he never forgave my brother for taking his wife away from him. So my grandfather (who was a product of the patriarchal, blue-blooded New England generation) determined that Mike should live in a home that was a practicing-Catholic home. So that eliminated my uncle, who had become Methodist when he married his Protestant wife. Unfortunately his was exactly the family Mike would have done well with. Unfortunately, our "Catholic-qualified" family was not. My mother was informed by my grandfather that she would be taking Mike exactly when she had just had a stillborn child. Maybe he ignorantly thought Mike would be a good consolation prize. He never considered how resentful my mother would be, nor how his son's (my father's) alcoholic behavior would affect Mike.

Because Mike felt utterly rejected by both adoptive parents, he got out of our home as soon as he could--first by entering a high school seminary program (which didn't work out) and then by joining the Navy (which did). Then he went to college--Catholic University, met my SIL at a DC bar. Being 5 years younger, I had had relatively few meaningful interactions with Mike in my childhood, but I caught up when I had met DH and we all had great time together over the years--not all the time, but with fairly frequent visits in different states.

Mike was funny, bright, and completely family-oriented. But even when he was funny, when you looked into his eyes, there was so much depth there--a whole story of the comedy that emerges from tragedy. Sometimes I felt guilty being his sister, because I was the biologic first-born, the "prize." He didn't deserve the parents he got--MY parents. When we were all out in Minnesota last fall, I told my brothers that we all had the same but different parents. Mike and my 2nd brother have no love lost for my father, who treated them terribly. My 3rd brother and I are sympathetic and we feel, if not any love gained, the pain of love lost.

I hope I can stay connected with my sister-in-law who "saved" Mike. She is such a wonderful person on many levels. My heart hurts for her.
When I was pregnant with our first, we got a call saying the sister in law was pregnant and that WE would have to take the child because she was a raging alcoholic and couldn't care for it. Of course, we would have but I can't imagine having our newborn and another newborn with Fetal Alcohol Syndrome and probably many delays. She ended up losing the pregnancy not too long after that phone call which was probably best for all involved unfortunately.

Sorry for your loss, Catherine.