Explaining SLing and minimalism to others...

[Ultralight]

Sometimes, especially at work and in new social situations, I avoid talking about simple living and minimalism. We all know how it goes against the grain of the culture and can make people think that we think we are "better" than them.

I have found that when I say: "I don't really need stuff or retail therapy" what people actually hear is "You need stuff because you are weak or simple minded. You need retail therapy because you are mentally ill."

What I am asking for is any tried and true methods or explaining your simple living or minimalism -- or just certain aspects of it, such as frugality -- to others, like coworkers or friends or family.

Thanks!

[Kestra]

I think a lot of it has to do with attitude, and word choices. You have to really own it. And be really matter of fact and open, and don't use any "wiggle words".

So if you are trying to eat out less, don't say "I can't afford to do that," or "it's not in my budget" because for most people those are lies, or at least half truths (technically you can afford it and you make up your own budget). It's better to say "I'm choosing to not spend my money on that right now, thanks anyway."

Also never blame your partner just to make it easier on yourself. Like, "oh husband would freak out if I bought another pair of shoes." Husband might not care at all, but don't put that on him regardless. It's your own choice.

About early retirement, I usually say that I value freedom above everything else. That usually gets the point across without coming across as better than them. Just point out that everyone values different things.

I also just surround myself with people who aren't weirded out by my lifestyle. If they are they won't be a friend for long.

I must be doing something right because I can't remember the last time I faced any push-back about any choices I've made, and as you know, I'm fairly extreme in some areas.

[Ultralight]

"Wiggle words!" lol

When I do come out to people as a minimalist/SLer I usually use this phrase: "I am a practicing minimalist." Now that I reflect on that I am not so sure it is ideal. haha

I oscillate between trying to "blend in," especially at work because I work a normal job. But also in social situations where I don't foresee myself having to invest any further in the interaction.

But I like this idea of really owning it. No more hems or haws?! haha

[Kestra]

Yes, at work you have to be a bit more circumspect. I didn't mention that I lived on half my take-home pay, for example. But I was as honest as possible about things that weren't really job related, like the lunch out example.

I think people tend to respect honesty (even if they disagree) and recognize authenticity (even if it's only subconsciously).

Of course the newer the job is and the more you need to keep it, the more careful you have to be. But that's the plus side to this lifestyle - that you don't need the job as badly as your peers, so you can take greater risks, speak up more, and potentially earn favour with the bosses and advance your career more.

At work I'd rather be respected than liked. Bosses who cared too much about being liked generally weren't the best bosses. Everyone knew who I was because I was one of the few people willing to speak up to anyone at any time. Unfortunately the risk-taking at work doesn't always work out, as my last set of bosses refused to engage with me at all, even though I was twice as productive as the average worker, and volunteered for all sorts of useful extra work. So I quit to do my own thing. Their loss. (Sorry, off topic but I'm still kind of bitter.)

In your example of social situations where you don't see further future interaction, that's the best time to be honest. It lets you practice speaking truthfully and if you'll never see the person again who cares what they think about you?

[Ultralight]

Good points! All good points.

I will use those opportunities when I think I don't gave to invest to speak my mind and explain myself as needed.

Any more talking points or soundbytes you have are much appreciated.

I spent much of my life until just a few years ago fighting the power and bucking trends very openly. Now I usually try to pick my battles more carefully and take the path of least resistance when convenient and save my grit for when I need to swim upstream.

[awakenedsoul]

A lot of people don't get it. I've had people comment about "the way I live". But, those people have debt, and I don't. I just remind myself that I'd rather have a full emergency fund and a comfortable cash lifestyle than their approval. I don't spend much time with people who disapprove, though. I'm sure I look weird to them, trudging along with my bike trailer/shopping cart to the bus stop and sales at the grocery store. But, it works for me. The financial payoff is so great...I just focus on that.

[Kestra]

I was just talking about this over on the MMM forums as well and someone made the very good point that if none of us are willing to talk about SL then it will remain this hidden, unusual thing. If we want to get other people onboard then we have to talk about it sometimes.

That is something I think about regularly and a reason I am so open - I want to spread the message. I consider myself an FI mentor (took a course and everything) and my business plan is mostly about getting people more onboard, as much or as little as their personal circumstances will allow.

[Tammy]

I don't say much about it. I just answer questions if people ask. Sort of like sex religion and politics. Ha

[ToomuchStuff]

I have found that when I say: "I don't really need stuff or retail therapy" what people actually hear is "You need stuff because you are weak or simple minded. You need retail therapy because you are mentally ill."

What I am asking for is any tried and true methods or explaining your simple living or minimalism -- or just certain aspects of it, such as frugality -- to others, like coworkers or friends or family.

Thanks!

So you want to know what to say, when you don't know what they are going to hear, or think anyway?

I was just talking about this over on the MMM forums as well and someone made the very good point that if none of us are willing to talk about SL then it will remain this hidden, unusual thing. If we want to get other people onboard then we have to talk about it sometimes.

I don't say much about it. I just answer questions if people ask. Sort of like sex religion and politics. Ha

I think there is a difference between talking when someone is trying to learn and trying to stay hidden. Someone trying to hide, would go back to those "wiggle words".
If they are open minded enough to want to learn and have been shutting their mouths, keeping their eyes and ears open to spot you then I would be willing to talk about it. Otherwise you don't owe them any explanation and why would you want to provide them with ammo?

[Chicken lady]

We raided our kids in a the country in what would be called a "mixed use" area in city planning. We confused a lot of them. One of dd's best friends finally asked about it in high school - he couldn't understand why she lived like him - packed lunches/snacks, homemade/secondhand, a bike for transportation, when she lived on a beautiful farm with a dad at home who drove a nice car to work in a button down shirt every day.

I also enjoyed her story of chatting in the locker room and saying something about buying clothes at goodwill. One of the other girls asked "you buy your clothes at goodwill?" and she said "yeah.". And the girl said "but you have a pond!" and dd said " yes?" and the girl said "aren't ponds expensive?" and dd said "right. We buy our clothes at goodwill, SO we can have a pond."

I'm curious about what is triggering these people to ask about your life style? I think knowing that would help you respond appropriately.