How to convince my girlfriend she does not need to go on pricey dates?

[TVRodriguez]

I know your question is sincere but I suspect a little snark behind it. That's ok, Im pretty snarky myself so I will 'splain to you:

The 40% who aren't married occupy the lowest rungs of socio- economic society. If one wishes to join those ranks with babies in tow, go for it. I think that's stupid and irresponsible, I don't value poverty, but hey, those are MY values.

And that's what we are talking about here, values.

While a woman CAN reproduce without a man's commitment to his children as expressed by a legalized marriage ceremony, I think this cheats children out of important things. There are lots of details to this idea but
I'm giving you the executive summary.

Your idea that women should just want what you think they should have is silly.

Turning this on you, why don't you live with your girlfriend in her big house with all of her stuff,and get used to pooling your money with her so that you both can buy more crap and rack up the credit card debt? you don't because: that's not what you value.

Many women value a commitment as represented by a legally recognized public joining. On another thread we are talking about the legally supported financial institutions of society, one of them spousal Social Scurity benefits, and that's one among many reasons to get hitched legally.

I recognize that for some people, commitment without marriage is what they value. That's fine. I just think that in the vast majority of cases where they bring children into the world, kids are best served by two committed parents with legal protections.

Similarly, I knew that I wanted kids but also knew that they are a lot of work and cost money, work and expenses that can most easily and efficiently be shared by two parents who live together and who have committed to staying together. That can be done without marriage, and of course there are many great kids who are raised in other circumstances. I know myself, however, and that's not what I wanted.

Why would you think this would make you sound stupid or greedy? It sounds to me like you knew what you wanted, you made conscious and well-thought out decisions, and you were clear about what was important to you. This sounds pretty great to me!

Every couple is going to have to navigate the ups and downs and compromises inherent in any relationship, but being direct and honest about who you are and what's important to you seems the best way be. Personally, I don't think 2 dates a month is unreasonable, if they are affordable to the people involved. If I was dating a guy who scoffed at that, I would see it as a sign that it was time for me to move on. At that point, he could decide if he valued spending time with me more than fishing several times a week, or not.

Thanks, and yes, I agree. As for sounding stupid, I fielded regular questions from some friends who asked me why I'd stay with someone who told me he didn't want to get married, that I was wasting my time. I also got flack for quitting my job (in a profession) to move 1300 miles, where I'd have to take another bar exam, when he could more easily have moved back to where we met. The day after our wedding, my brother kindly reminded me that there was still time for an annulment. I decided DH was worth it. On the greedy thing, well, heck, I made him pay more to "upgrade" my ring and spent $34,000 on a wedding.

Take it easy! I am giving her the dates and changing my name on here from UltraliteAngler to UltraBrokeDater.

UA, I have to give it up to you: you have taken a lot of heat over your positions here, and I give you a lot of credit for keeping your equanimity through it all. I can imagine that to be one of the reasons your girlfriend likes you!