How to convince my girlfriend she does not need to go on pricey dates?

[freshstart]

Did anyone see Shunned on Netflix? I don't think I'd want to be a female Amish person.

[Ultralight]

I don't know about atheist women; it doesn't sound like you need an atheist--a lot of them are as annoying as their opposite number--but the country is full of irreligious types. Certainly that's true around here. My circle is admittedly small, but I don't have any friends or relatives who are believers or churchgoers. Unless you want to count my second cousin, who graduated from a small Christian college and never lets you forget it. Her grandmother is undoubtedly spinning in her grave; makes me laugh every time I think of it.

Non-believers and "spiritual" people comprise around 15% of the population. So "full" is not actually the case. This is especially true since agnostics and atheists generally do not consider themselves spiritual (because they do not believe in spirits, for one thing).

[Ultralight]

my GF calls it Angry Short Man Syndrome, like Jeremy Piven on Entourage

I am 5'9" and I don't feel angry...

[Ultralight]

Thanks... I am an Amish sympathizer, mostly because I am a Luddite too.

But I am usually okay with Quaker types and Buddhists.

[JaneV2.0]

Here's Gallup's ranking of the least religious states: (from OregonLive)

State....................................% Very religious

1. Vermont.......................19%
2. New Hampshire...........23%
3. Maine...........................24%
4. Massachusetts.............27%
5. Rhode Island................29%
5. Oregon.........................29%
7. Nevada.........................31%
7. Hawaii...........................31%
7. Alaska...........................31%
7. Connecticut...................31%
7. Washington...................31%

From Wikipedia:

A 2008*Gallup*poll comparing belief in God among U.S. regions found that only 59% of residents in the Western United States believe in a god, compared to 80% in the*East, 83% in the*Midwest, and 86% in the*South.[7]

Plenty of women to choose from, at least in the West.

[Ultralight]

Here's Gallup's ranking of the least religious states: (from OregonLive)

State....................................% Very religious

1. Vermont.......................19%
2. New Hampshire...........23%
3. Maine...........................24%
4. Massachusetts.............27%
5. Rhode Island................29%
5. Oregon.........................29%
7. Nevada.........................31%
7. Hawaii...........................31%
7. Alaska...........................31%
7. Connecticut...................31%
7. Washington...................31%

From Wikipedia:

A 2008*Gallup*poll comparing belief in God among U.S. regions found that only 59% of residents in the Western United States believe in a god, compared to 80% in the*East, 83% in the*Midwest, and 86% in the*South.[7]

Plenty of women to choose from, at least in the West.

Thanks for the list!

[JaneV2.0]

My grandmother was a very devout Catholic. My grandfather was irreligious. They produced five children and a happy married life together. She went off to church every Sunday; he went to the golf course. "Mixed marriages" can work out.

[Ultralight]

My grandmother was a very devout Catholic. My grandfather was irreligious. They produced five children and a happy married life together. She went off to church every Sunday; he went to the golf course. "Mixed marriages" can work out.

Most "mixed" marriages are Catholic woman/Atheist man, at least in my informal surveying.

[Ultralight]

Most "mixed" marriages are Catholic woman/Atheist man, at least in my informal surveying.

Something else of note is that my relationship with my gf is mixed both "religiously" and racially.

[kib]

I was looking at it from a more general perspective, really. I am - or at least I was - passionate about simple living and streamlining of my life and my possessions. Passionate. You could almost say it was a religion for me. I wound up with someone who claimed they "got it", but in retrospect they didn't agree that OUR life, together as a couple, would really reflect this. Frugal was for when you really didn't want the thing anyway. Minimal only applied to My stuff, all the free space in our house has gradually been taken over by junk no one really wants. "Green" - e.g. recycling, using cloth napkins - is not a philosophy, it's something he only does when I'm watching. It became obvious that "simple" means it's fine that I sit in a chair and meditate - once all the chaotic mess I didn't create has been dealt with. Discussing any goals and challenges in this arena was pointless because there was no underlying agreement that this was the direction we wanted to move in. Basically "all that" - my life's work - was supposed to be my downtime hobby in his opinion.

The point is, while I agree with WilliamSmith that any relationship can be made to work, making it work with someone who will be naturally at odds with your life philosophy ten times a day ... sucks. I'm making it work, nothing is so terrible that it's a deal breaker, but if I'd been like Iris Lilies and at some earlier point opened my eyes, I probably would have said, "this is not enough". Now I'm in and I love him too much to leave, but it's basically meant "compromising" my underlying hopes for my life. I've spent a decade trying to figure out how to compromise emulating Peace Pilgrim and also Donna Reed, and it can't be done.

Short n sweet: it's one thing to have separate interests, but I firmly believe sharing an underlying philosophy of what matters, how to move life in that direction, and how to work as a team toward a shared vision makes for a higher quality relationship.

And ETA: I'm not blaming my husband. We both went in with blinders on, him not understanding what I meant by "typical American mainstream living" I have no use for while standing inside that box, me standing outside the box not understanding that he didn't understand. And I know that it's equally frustrating for him to feel like half of the "normal" things he does upset me. He's honestly trying, but he's trying because it's important to ME, when what I most wish is that it were important to HIM. His choices aren't made because they are logical given an underlying viewpoint because he doesn't Have that underlying viewpoint, he just waits for me to tell him what the logical choice would be.