How to convince my girlfriend she does not need to go on pricey dates?

[Ultralight]

It's not really about the money.

I'd think you'd have a bigger vested interest in living in a society that treats people fairly and doesn't discriminate on the basis of gender.

I agree.

[JaneV2.0]

I've been paying my own way since I started earning money. Sometimes we split the check, sometimes we take turns. I never liked feeling "less than" or like a gold digger, or like I owed somebody something, so it works out. I don't know why everyone doesn't do it in this modern age, unless there's a huge discrepancy in earnings.

[Ultralight]

I've been paying my own way since I started earning money. Sometimes we split the check, sometimes we take turns. I never liked feeling "less than" or like a gold digger, or like I owed somebody something, so it works out. I don't know why everyone doesn't do it in this modern age, unless there's a huge discrepancy in earnings.

She makes about 50% more than I do.

[catherine]

I've been paying my own way since I started earning money. Sometimes we split the check, sometimes we take turns. I never liked feeling "less than" or like a gold digger, or like I owed somebody something, so it works out. I don't know why everyone doesn't do it in this modern age, unless there's a huge discrepancy in earnings.

When I visited my college friend in a very affluent community last May, as nice as it was, I remember being so thankful that I was not married to her husband who earned the money for the three homes and boats and trips and whatever else they had. I would feel so imprisoned in a relationship like that.. it wasn't just the money thing, it was his patriarchal attitude, and his expectation that she would carry out his social obligations, and I always wonder exactly how much say she has in the relationship. "God bless the child that's got his own" has always been one of my favorite lyrics.

[Ultralight]

When I visited my college friend in a very affluent community last May, as nice as it was, I remember being so thankful that I was not married to her husband who earned the money for the three homes and boats and trips and whatever else they had. I would feel so imprisoned in a relationship like that.. it wasn't just the money thing, it was his patriarchal attitude, and his expectation that she would carry out his social obligations, and I always wonder exactly how much say she has in the relationship.

Devil's advocate: Maybe she knowingly gave up her "say" in order to have a cushy life. Also, is it possible that her "work" is carrying out his social obligations and such?

[bae]

She makes about 50% more than I do.

You really need to compare P & L statements to get a good picture of where you stand in your relationship, you can't just go by income.

[Ultralight]

You really need to compare P & L statements to get a good picture of where you stand in your relationship, you can't just go by income.

I should google P & L Statement, right?

[catherine]

Devil's advocate: Maybe she knowingly gave up her "say" in order to have a cushy life. Also, is it possible that her "work" is carrying out his social obligations and such?

I don't want a boss that I can't leave very easily. I'll take freedom of poverty over the indentured servitude of that kind of marriage.

[Chicken lady]

So for most of our married lives dh and I have been a one earner couple. When that earner was me, we lived below the poverty line. Fairly comfortably really. We had two children during that time. On purpose. Otoh, dh makes really good money. And sometimes I have to go to crappy social activities because of it. I had a conversation with dd that went like this recently:
Me - I'm sick of laundry.
dd- I'm sick of autocad
me I don't get paid to do laundry
dd- you get paid a hell of a lot more than I make doing autocad.
Me - I prefer to get paid for other things.
dd- I'm hanging up now.

I've actually been working part time for the last seven years. Recently we've found we have more disposable income, so we changed from "all the money goes in one pot, savings first, bills next, can I buy this? Last" to - he puts away the savings and pays the bills - the leftovers are his to direct, and I pay for farm expenses and stuff/activities I want. (he still buys my needed clothing, but not wanted clothing). I loved shopping for Christmas presents with my own money and I love feeling like I can buy him a present or take him out and it's not just me choosing how to spend "our" money. Equally, I appreciate it more now when he takes me out to dinner or buys me a gift - it's not him deciding what to do with our money and I'm not second guessing or wondering if we can afford it. The bad part is I think I spend more money now that I have some that's all "mine"

[Ultralight]

I don't want a boss that I can't leave very easily. I'll take freedom of poverty over the indentured servitude of that kind of marriage.

You're tough!