Calling heath department on hoarding parents?

[freshstart]

We all are trying to spare the elderly drivers feelings but what about the innocent people (including kids) walking or driving and hurt or killed by an elderly driver? What about them?

to me, that's why you tell the doctor, they have an obligation to address this and they have the power to tell the DMV, "this person can no longer safely drive, they need to be re-evaluated". Doctors hate to have this conversation, as well, but too bad. I worked with this one doc who every time this guy in his 90s came in, he had to address the driving and didn't, he had countless fender benders, he was confused, massive brain tumor, and he was mean as a bed bug, his family got nowhere. Well, he lived near me and one day on the way to work, I saw someone had driven their car straight into the grocery store front, all kinds of damage, luckily no one got hurt but the person who did it was passed out. Later that afternoon, he ended up on our unit just to be watched. I was so mad, this did not have to happen, but, hey, he lost his license and his doc didn't have to be the bad guy! I told the doc to watch the news tonight, Mr X thought the Grand Union was now a drive thru.

here's a link that helps with what to say and what to do when that doesn't work:

https://www.caring.com/questions/tak...-senior-driver

[Ultralight]

Last Sunday, when my "fam" (my sis, BIL, mom, and dad) did our Thanksgiving my mom seemed to have forgotten she was talking to me.

She was sitting in the living room with all of us. My dad, sis, and BIL were talking about something else. My mom seemed to be just relaxing. Then she started talking in a hushed tone, almost to herself.

"I like this house. This little ranch house. You can get to everything so easily." (Keep in mind it is 1100 sq. ft. and is kind of cluttered.)

She trailed off but then looked over and me and said: "Sometimes we think of moving, selling the house and moving to a place like this. But then we'd have to 'deal' with our house. It is just so much, so much to deal with."

I felt sad for her. I don't know why I said it, perhaps it was an ill-timed and ill-worded way of saying: "There are other ways to live."

But what I said was: "I can fit everything I own into or onto my car. Moving for me takes very little time or effort."

Then, at that moment, she realized she was talking to me. She snapped out of it and got a spiteful look in her eye.

"I know. I know! I already know that!"


But what neither of us said or acknowledged was that her house -- the one that is "so much, so much to deal with" will be left to my sis and I to "deal" with. My mom knows how bad it is but would rather push it onto my sis and I to deal with in the wake of her death.

It is just not right.

[freshstart]

I can relate to knowing it will all be left to me (my brother will have nothing to do with any of the crap, even the big pile that keeps getting bigger that he leaves here despite living in another state). Since my parents already filled the biggest dumping bin (I know this is the wrong word, bad brain) available twice and we still have all this shit, it actually makes me feel like I am choking to think about taking care of it. My mom's too sick now to do much more than purge her room with help and my dad has no intention of getting rid of any of it.

since your mom knows she is doing this to you and your sister, would it be too cruel to tell her upfront, as far as you are concerned, you are keeping none of it, it gets hauled to the dump, you do not want their lifestyle and you are not pleased with the thought of being left with it? Maybe she would cull the absolute crap so she just leaves stuff your sister may want or you guys can sell? What is your dad like?

I am sorry this is part of your family life. It really affects dynamics.

[Ultralight]

I can relate to knowing it will all be left to me (my brother will have nothing to do with any of the crap, even the big pile that keeps getting bigger that he leaves here despite living in another state). Since my parents already filled the biggest dumping bin (I know this is the wrong word, bad brain) available twice and we still have all this shit, it actually makes me feel like I am choking to think about taking care of it. My mom's too sick now to do much more than purge her room with help and my dad has no intention of getting rid of any of it.

since your mom knows she is doing this to you and your sister, would it be too cruel to tell her upfront, as far as you are concerned, you are keeping none of it, it gets hauled to the dump, you do not want their lifestyle and you are not pleased with the thought of being left with it? Maybe she would cull the absolute crap so she just leaves stuff your sister may want or you guys can sell? What is your dad like?

I am sorry this is part of your family life. It really affects dynamics.

It sounds like you're in a worse pickle than me.

[freshstart]

that's funny because I thought your situation must drive you nuts since you live such diametrically opposite lifestyles, at least I can sort of understand how they got there as evidenced by my cheap purse addiction, lol

[Ultralight]

that's funny because I thought your situation must drive you nuts since you live such diametrically opposite lifestyles, at least I can sort of understand how they got there as evidenced by my cheap purse addiction, lol

You have a good sense of humor about it.

[Teacher Terry]

UL: if you don't want to deal with it you can hire a company & they will offer you a price to clear out the house. It will be totally empty when they are done-even the refrigerator. You usually end up with some $ because they sell everything that is worth anything. I have a friend whose wife we had to put in a home -she has Alzheimer's & he is dying & there house was loaded with stuff. At first we were taking it to Goodwill, etc but then the family got sick of working on it with us so hired a company like this. I have cleaned out numerous family members homes when they died & it is a lot of work. Even if people not hoarders they tend to fill garages, basements, etc. That is one reason I have been downsizing my stuff so I don't leave this for my kids.

[Ultralight]

UL: if you don't want to deal with it you can hire a company & they will offer you a price to clear out the house. It will be totally empty when they are done-even the refrigerator. You usually end up with some $ because they sell everything that is worth anything. I have a friend whose wife we had to put in a home -she has Alzheimer's & he is dying & there house was loaded with stuff. At first we were taking it to Goodwill, etc but then the family got sick of working on it with us so hired a company like this. I have cleaned out numerous family members homes when they died & it is a lot of work. Even if people not hoarders they tend to fill garages, basements, etc. That is one reason I have been downsizing my stuff so I don't leave this for my kids.

I really like this idea. Thank you.

You're doing the right thing by downsizing so your kids don't have to deal with so much later...

[Williamsmith]

I am relatively young but I know that in and of itself doesn't guarentee anything so my gift to my children was that I cleared out 25 years of clutter and downsized from a place that required lots of active maintenance. I didn't want my three kids to have to deal with the kind of stuff being discussed here. Why this became important to me, I can't say. How can you make hoarders understand that hey are passing on a great burden to loved ones.....I also can't say.

[Ultralight]

I am relatively young but I know that in and of itself doesn't guarentee anything so my gift to my children was that I cleared out 25 years of clutter and downsized from a place that required lots of active maintenance. I didn't want my three kids to have to deal with the kind of stuff being discussed here.

That is very thoughtful and caring of you.