Gifts...

[Ultralight]

Ultralight, there are different forms of strength. I'm sure your sister didn't physically wrestle your mother to the ground and take a DNA sample.

I don't think it is "force" when a person can just say: "Nope."

Difference in opinions, perhaps.

[Chicken lady]

Definitely. In my opinion sometimes the other person makes it so difficult for you to say "nope" that you find yourself saying "yes" against your wishes or better judgement. That's how kids get pressured into smoking by friends. They don't have the inner strength to say no and suffer the consequences.

[Chicken lady]

For example - you don't want to spend money taking your girl friend on dates, but you are less willing to suffer the consequences of not doing it - that is you giving in to pressure from your girlfriend. How much pressure is required and how it is applied varies - leverage.

[Ultralight]

Definitely. In my opinion sometimes the other person makes it so difficult for you to say "nope" that you find yourself saying "yes" against your wishes or better judgement. That's how kids get pressured into smoking by friends. They don't have the inner strength to say no and suffer the consequences.

Wouldn't the cure be for them to cultivate some inner strength?

[freshstart]

The thing that really bothers me is that now I have to get rid of this thing in a way that will be acceptable if (no... when!) he asks me about it

Fishing is something one does, not something one has. I'd rather he just go fishing with me.

sell it on eBay or CL, earmark money earned a money from your dad and hang onto it, use it even in small amts the way you would've preferred to be gifted. Or stick it in your EF, whatever. I think the important thing (I confess I have not read the whole thread) is you want to spend time fishing with him. Does he even know that? I think most parents of adult children would love to hear you want to spend time on a special activity with them, I know I would. I just asked my teens for Christmas to go out to lunch with me one on one. There is nothing they could give me that trumps wanting time with them. I suspect this increases the older your child gets.

[Ultralight]

sell it on eBay or CL, earmark money earned a money from your dad and hang onto it, use it even in small amts the way you would've preferred to be gifted. Or stick it in your EF, whatever. I think the important thing (I confess I have not read the whole thread) is you want to spend time fishing with him. Does he even know that? I think most parents of adult children would love to hear you want to spend time on a special activity with them, I know I would. I just asked my teens for Christmas to go out to lunch with me one on one. There is nothing they could give me that trumps wanting time with them. I suspect this increases the older your child gets.

I have told him time and time again that we should just go fishing. He has gone twice. Keep in mind that I live like a 5 minute drive to a lake.

I actually think he gives gifts as a way to show he cares without having to put the time or words into it.

[razz]

Just an observation from reading the whole thread. The desire is for 'the other' in various scenarios to change in some way. Nothing else will do. Seems sad to me.

[Zoe Girl]

Interestingly... neither of them asked for it. My sis got it so she could disprove that my mom is Irish. And then hopefully be mercifully spared the non-stop Irish talk and Irish stuff. I mean, it is silly really. My mom thinks that anything good we do is because we are Irish. lol

"You kids drink plenty of water. That is because you're Irish!"

My sister and I want to do this, her MIL is crazy about being German. Everything is about being German! And my friend who is 1st generation American isn't as much into being German. We realized that FIL has never talked about his ancestry, probably no room in her being German!

[Ultralight]

Just an observation from reading the whole thread. The desire is for 'the other' in various scenarios to change in some way. Nothing else will do. Seems sad to me.

We don't want to change ourselves. After all, the other other often wants us to change.

[Ultralight]

My sister and I want to do this, her MIL is crazy about being German. Everything is about being German! And my friend who is 1st generation American isn't as much into being German. We realized that FIL has never talked about his ancestry, probably no room in her being German!

I think this phenomenon is caused by being brought up in a cultural void.