The slow fade?

[Ultralight]

This past weekend my mom and dad came to visit. My dad and I, along with my BIL, were going trout fishing at a nearby lake.

It started off all well and good -- we grilled some burgers (mine was lamb), enjoyed a lunch, talked fishing a little bit, and then packed up the gear.

That is where things took a turn for the infuriating.

As soon as me, my dad, and BIL piled into my hatchback my dad says: "Anybody else packing?"

I said: "Uh...no, we're going to a metro park. I am not even sure you can bring guns there."


He went on a tirade about the law of preemption of some such. Then as I am driving to the lake my dad pulls the gun out and hands it off to my BIL and says: "It is loaded and ready to go!"

I just thought: "I am driving here. I could get fender bended and there could be a negligent discharge! What the hell!?"

Then he went on a rant about gun rights. And then a rant about how great Scalia was.

Then he told me how I needed to rent an apartment with a garage so I can store all my stuff in there, like my canoe, fishing gear, and all that.

Then I specifically got ice to put the fish on (the most humane way to dispatch the fish). Yet when my BIL catches one my dad puts it on a stringer.

He also went on a rant about how without religion people cannot be ethical or charitable. WTF?!

It dawned on me that if he was not my bio-dad, I would really have no reason to want to be around him.

So I am asking myself: Is that enough? Or should I just do the slow-fade?

You know -- don't call, don't visit, when he and my mom come down to visit I can just have some other obligation.

My mom is not as bad, she is fairly liberal, but she is mentally ill and very materialistic. Again, would I choose to be around her at all if she was not my bio-mom? Probably not.

I kept wondering: Am I part of some cosmic mistake? Why am I here on this planet with these parents? haha

Thoughts on the slow fade?

[Williamsmith]

On guns.....go buy one, get a conceal carry permit, and sign up for a gun safety course. You then pretend to be interested and you get your dad to go with you to the gun safety course because it is obvious, he needs it. You might be saving someone's life.....including yours. The opposite of the slow fade. You only get one dad.

[pinkytoe]

It dawned on me that if he was not my bio-dad, I would really have no reason to want to be around him.

I have pondered this all my life - why the universe pairs us up with the parents who bring us here. All I have deduced is that we are here to learn from them.

[Ultralight]

I have pondered this all my life - why the universe pairs us up with the parents who bring us here. All I have deduced is that we are here to learn from them.

I think you spelled that word wrong. It is not l-e-a-r-n. It is r-u-n! haha

[Ultralight]

I have two hunting implements that I don't use, except for sporting clays.

I don't want anymore. I don't want to take that class for a CCW. I certainly don't want to pretend I am into that kind of thing, it would be creating a monster I'd have to continually feed.

So my question still lingers on: Why, despite only having one dad, would I want to be around him if he is really not the kind of person I want to be around?

Agreed though, that he needs a major refresher on that safety class!!

[Zoe Girl]

This reminds me of a talk I heard by a Buddhist teacher that helped me (although my family has improved quite a bit, it is hard to raise parents). He was on a retreat and fairly new to all of this, the teacher of the retreat was actually his father who was a major Buddhist teacher. The father said as part of the talk 'does anyone feel like they were born into the right family?'. It is a pretty universal feeling.

As far as backing off, that can be a balance of compassion and discernment. If you can feel more compassion for your family, and heck feel safer not being around people who are stupid with guns, then space can be a really good thing. Plus taking care of yourself, self compassion is really important with family stuff.

[Williamsmith]

I have two hunting implements that I don't use, except for sporting clays.

I don't want anymore. I don't want to take that class for a CCW. I certainly don't want to pretend I am into that kind of thing, it would be creating a monster I'd have to continually feed.

So my question still lingers on: Why, despite only having one dad, would I want to be around him if he is really not the kind of person I want to be around?

Agreed though, that he needs a major refresher on that safety class!!

There was a time when you were emergent yourself, incapable of taking care of yourself and he cared for you. He didn't walk away from you, he tried to understand your needs. It is possibly time to pay it back? Maybe?

[Ultralight]

There was a time when you were emergent yourself, incapable of taking care of yourself and he cared for you.

He brought this on himself by choice.

Why would I owe him?

[Alan]

There was a time when you were emergent yourself, incapable of taking care of yourself and he cared for you. He didn't walk away from you, he tried to understand your needs.

Agreed!
I suspect he's a better person represented.

[Ultralight]

Agreed!
I suspect he's a better person represented.

I did not ask to be born.

So why is he entitled to me taking care of him? That does not add up.