The slow fade?

[CathyA]

Sorry rodeo........I missed that part that he wrote.

[Ultralight]

Sorry rodeo........I missed that part that he wrote.

They purposefully waited 11 years after getting married.

[Float On]

I was failed birth control, which is why I'm crazy, redundant, paranoid about birth control (I have an IUD and worry - feel the string for the 10th millionth time again etc.) and won't have any real true peace until menopause I guess. I can't imagine anyone anywhere (except post FULL menopause) ever having completely unprotected sex with no birth control, this sounds to me about like jumping out of a plane without a parachute (which ok at that point you want the consequences). No it doesn't make sex easy, it's not an easy thing.

Even with fertility issues we used birth control and even had DH get the big V snip though it was unlikely I'd be able to get pregnant again without the help of fertility drugs.

[Ultralight]

Apparently birth control is so ineffective that people might as well not even use it?

[JaneV2.0]

Tubal ligation worked for me. The operation was a breeze, with about a day's minor stiffness. I would recommend one to any woman uninterested in reproducing.

[ToomuchStuff]

I think a fair amount of the time, nobody chooses to create life.......they choose to have sex.......and the creation part is a potentially unfortunate/unwanted side-effect.

May be, but not in this case. In some cases, they don't even choose to have sex.

Sorry rodeo........I missed that part that he wrote.

Apparently birth control is so ineffective that people might as well not even use it?

Even not having sex, wouldn't be 100% effective is someone wanted to abduct you and surgically remove sperm or eggs. Isn't that as realistic as your question?

Back when my relative was created, there was no safe abortion technique for unwanted kids. The home brew methods don't always work and didn't in his case.
There are other kids I know, who were created because of violence. If you go back far enough, in peoples history's the majority of people might not be here, because they were wanted.
Then you have cases against birth control manufacturers.
http://www.slate.com/blogs/xx_factor...they_have.html
That case is rather clear. What about the cases where the condom broke, or the pill falls in that not effective percent? You have a chance, but it seriously diminishes:
http://www.theguardian.com/uk/2000/jan/24/claredyer1
Then what do you tell the kid or what do they learn as they get older?
You didn't want kids, or you didn't want them (specifically)?

I don't know anybody who agrees with the parents/family 100% of the time. I've got one side where someone left their kid, for their mental health. The kid was probably as messed up by that, as they were helped by not being around it. They were lucky enough to find them and make piece, before they died, before their parent, due to cancer.
As I said, you can make plans, but not everything will be in your control, so who knows what your future will bring.

[freshstart]

For what it may be worth, I've generally derived more happiness/satisfaction from the obligations I've taken on then the ones I've avoided. I would not trade away one minute I've spent with the old man, even the disagreements and unwanted advice.

I didn't ask to be born. It was a gift.

This. My dad sucked as a parent in so many ways except for working his ass off to provide for us. I assumed once I was out of that house I would only be back for obligatory visits. Then, this won't happen to you, but he went on anti-depressants for pain and became a different man, to the point where I came home, spent time with him and said to my brother, "very funny, now where's the ***hole I supposedly love?" He had actually changed pretty close to a 180. He still can be a very unpleasant person to be around, particularly political conversations. But he became bearable.

Now if someone told me even 3 yrs ago I'd buy a house with this man to take care of my mother as she dies, I'd have laughed in your face. But it's funny how life comes around with hard obligations to take on and you do them. I am close to my mother but on paper I have every reason not to be since she chose my dad over her kids for the first 20 years of our lives, she didn't protect us. But I thought hard and realized enough time had passed, the past is the past, my father is always, always going to have stupid conversations about things I truly care about and make me crazy but does any of that trump my dying mother? And for me, the answer was no. So I jumped in with both feet.

then I got really sick and this man who I was not too sure about having a deep and abiding love for him, picked me up off the floor over and over and over again and never complained (complaining is his major hobby). He drove me to 76 MD appts last year and again, never a complaint or even a sigh of "oh, this again". Did he hold my hand, weep and tell me how much he loves me and wants me to get better? Of course not, but he proved himself to be a selfless man of grace where the rubber hits the road.

yet if you rode in the car with my dad, we have had many arguments similar to the conversations you were having with your dad, escalating into yelling and hand gestures. For the most part turning ranting talk radio to oldies and telling him to shut the hell up, works. I'm fairly certain more than 50% of his crap is pure nonsense just to get me going but we differ enough that we would never spend time together if we weren't related. I would never have chosen him as a friend.

Life gives you one father. If he didn't beat you (and sometimes even if he did) and abandon you, you are one of the lucky ones. No, you didn't ask to be born but you turned out ok, surely he had something to do with that or maybe not. We are not meant to be friends with our parents, we are not wired to agree with our parents. Sometimes what we are meant to learn from them is to never, ever be like them. But in my belief system, you respect and love your parents to the best of your ability unless there is something so awful you just can't. And arguing about gun control is something I can (and do) live with.

Try talking to him about the hot button topics and ask him to stop or do the slow fade out of his life, just be sure this is not a relationship you may one day deeply regret giving up on.

[bae]

Apparently birth control is so ineffective that people might as well not even use it?

I've been having frequent sexual activity with the same partner for nearly 40 years now. And we are fanatical about birth control, as we had A Plan for when we wanted a child, *if* we decided to have one.

As a result of our belt-and-suspenders approach to biotechnology and PPE, we have a 19 year old daughter in college now, and we never *did* make that decision.

Soon age and surgery will further reduce our odds of sending a second child through college, but...

[freshstart]

I just read about your GF and I am truly sorry.

Also, I forgot to say, had my dad been waving a gun around in a car I was driving, he would've been walking home. That was incredibly crazy of him.

[bae]

Also, I forgot to say, had my dad been waving a gun around in a car I was driving, he would've been walking home.

One of my firm rules in vehicles is that handguns guns stay in holsters and don't get handled unless there is some Pressing Need.

It wasn't clear from the original post if "waving a gun around" was involved, but still...