Oh Freshstart, You have my sympathy. I have not a single bit of advice except to remember all you are saying...she's dying, angry and you are there....Any possibility of pretending she says thank you and I love you at least once a day...say it to yourself? Do not feel guilty for expressing your feeling here.
thank you. No matter how bad it is, we always say "I love you" at night. I know she loves and appreciates me, I also know she is frustrated that I got sick and never remember conversations and she has to repeat them. I know I am her PITA, too. It just gets really old sometimes.
Not that this in any way compares to Freshstart's situation described above (I am so sorry you are having a hard time of it, but bless you for being there for her in her final days)...
I just looked at my back calendar pages and realized I haven't had two days off in a row since mid-February. I am in the I have to last "one more day at a time" phase this morning. The week started out okay work-wise, I even had two decent night's sleep in a row. Then I had a mid-shift yesterday at noon, but woke up at 5am on the dot as if I was going to the opening shift. Well, I couldn't get myself back to sleep so I got up and got quite a bit done before work. Did the shift, got off at 7pm, but didn't allow myself to go home because I made a commitment to myself to try and go out and be social for once. Well, in the time it took to get my drink order in at what used to be my favorite local bar, and by the time I got said drink, I had already devolved into a bad mood. I didn't know anyone there, the music hadn't started yet and I just feel so left out of the daily life that goes on with out me. It reinforced the fact of how much I have lost since I've been working at this job, the crushing social isolation that I am feeling (yes, even hermits and introverts can feel completely isolated).
I got home at 9:30pm, grumpy as hell and tired, and was asleep probably by 11pm. Then I woke up at 3am for a few hours, tossing and turning and ruminating; at some point I fell asleep again, maybe around 6:00am and slept until 8:30, when my housemate woke me up by singing at the top of his voice "Oh, Joyous Morning"... NOT. I am grumpy, confuzzled, achey, and discombobulated from the chaos of my life. And I have to go to work at 12:00. Then tomorrow I am back at 6am, then the next day back at 12:00.
I talked to the guy who does scheduling (again)the other day but I just don't think there is too much I can hope for there at this point. It is what it is, and if I can't handle it, I am free to leave the job. Right now all I want to do is to somehow hang on until I get to my vacation in June, one day at a time.
staying til June to get a paid vacation makes sense but maybe they would give it to you in a check if you quit sooner? Or maybe use the next two months to update your resume and start looking at possible other jobs that are available so you kind of know what might be out there when/if you quit after your vacation
I get a big bank of paid time off in mid-May, which will allow me to take this three-week vacation fully paid. I am SO NOT going to forfeit that when I am this close!
Okay, trying to pump myself up to do excellent customer service today. One good thing is that I am usually okay mentally by the time I have punched in and gotten started; it's the hours of dread leading up to having to actually get myself there. I though about calling off earlier today, but it is too late now. I have to remember that I MUST get in a certain number of service hours to get that PTO windfall in May before my vacation. I am NOT going to tempt myself just because I am grumpy today...
3 weeks is great, I'd stay, too!
I'm going to write a peeve from the POV of DH:
I am annoyed with DW, Iris Lilies. Yesterday the winds were at 45 miles per hour here in the city, nearly a record for winds with no associated storms. When she was working in one of our gardens she let the gate blow open and closed and open etc. That tore up the hardware. Now I have to fix it.
And then yesterday she parked the car under two trees that are full of dead limbs. The city hasn't removed these trees even though we have made multiple requests.
She has no common sense!!!
Last edited by iris lilies; 4-3-16 at 2:08pm.
I am annoyed with recycling. It is just hard. I have been recycling since before everyone cared, even had a compost bin at a couple places. But the recycling dumpster is in another parking lot and I carry down purse, laptop bag and lunch everyday. I don't have another hand to work with. So I express this to 2 people and they both respond basically that it doesn't matter, the stuff doesn't really get recycled or it has a low impact. I know they are trying to be supportive however it felt more de-valuing after years of my environmental focus. Cloth grocery bags, bring lunch in re-usable containers with a cloth napkin and my own utensils, running camp with a 'low landfill' plan, etc. I just hate throwing this stuff in the trash,
Recently when I was going through dumpsters looking for a package that was stolen from my front porch, I found a cardboard box with my neighbor's name on it in the trash dumpster, not the recycling dumpster. She is young. I suppose I would be Gladys Kravitz to complain and "educate" her on dumpster etiquette, so I won't. But what the hell, I;m not convinced that young people are any more careful about recycling than old people.Originally Posted by Zoe Girl
Yeah IL, one person was older (my mom) and one was younger. For my mom there is that little rub of irritation from years of hearing that pretty much everything I did was wrong. It really only comes up when she visits, we use lots of paper towels, disposable napkins, I finally got her to stop bringing plastic table ware and disposable table cloths when I have several fabric ones and table settings for 10. Then there is the soap pumps in 'disposable' plastic pumps when I have perfectly fine bar soap for the bathroom, and it only takes a paper wrapper in the trash. I don't bug her about wasteful ways at her house, but when she visits I don't want stuff that is going to take a year to use up and to not be in my environmental focus because somehow she thinks I am poor or deprived,
Argh more of a rant than I thought.
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