Unwanted gifts

[ApatheticNoMore]

Yea ask for food or wine if you can. And enjoy it yourself or share it.

[iris lilies]

Could the gifting be managed discreetly? I am noticing that some organizations are collecting "twonies" aka $2 coins to support an local event or cause. If anyone feels inclined to donate a gift, please consider the twonie jar. Is there a better way to phrase this as it seems kind of clumsy?

I'm not sure what you mean here.

[razz]

I'm not sure what you mean here.

If gifting is going on and accepted within a community, try to find a way of directing the gift to keep it modest, simple to do and meeting another's need to gift.

[iris lilies]

If gifting is going on and accepted within a community, try to find a way of directing the gift to keep it modest, simple to do and meeting another's need to gift.

its nice in theory, but isnt practical a lot of times because

1) the gifter is hell bent on physical objects, it is an object or its not a fit gift in their minds

or

2) its not at all practical to direct people who are bringing small gifts to our homes--and thats where the majority of crap comes from

[catherine]

I think a lot of people have been raised with different "rules" and they don't feel comfortable breaking with that. So if you mother always brought a hostess gift, you might field compelled to do the same.

Another example: I was at a college reunion and one of my friends married a managing partner of a big consulting firm and her son works there. I mentioned to her that one of my former colleagues' daughters just got a part time job there, with the probability of going full time in a few months. So my friend suggested that his daughter reach out to her son. I told my colleague about it and he was very grateful.

Right after that, he said, "by the way, I have a friend who needs market research help. Can I tell her about you?" My friend is Asian and I was wondering if perhaps this kind of quid pro quo is common in Asia. In other words, would he have connected me with his friend if I hadn't connected his daughter with my friend? Did he feel obligated to do so?

[iris lilies]

I still like the attitude of the upper class Victorians: its rude to give gifts to people you don't know intimately.

ah, that we could return to that time and place.

[catherine]

I still like the artitude of the ipper class Victorians: its rude t gift people you don't know intimately.

ah, that we could refurn to that time and place.

hear, hear!

[Dhiana]

Sadly, I finally stopped inviting people over.

They were always bringing alcohol, which I think is a fine gift to bring over to share with everyone but I always had a lot leftover. We couldn't consume that much on our own nor do we have the space for all that.
Then I had a get together to have people drink it up, specifically stating we're moving, please drink/take as you desire. Plenty of unopened bottles to choose from, too.
We had even more after that BBQ.
Sigh.

That was it for me.

[peggy]

I still like the attitude of the upper class Victorians: its rude to give gifts to people you don't know intimately.

ah, that we could return to that time and place.

Yes, yes. I do like the idea of thanking them and setting it aside to open later. I had actually thought of that except...isn't there always an 'except'...our crowd is a particularly global crowd, from all over, and I'm not sure if doing that would offend. Several are Indian, as in from India. Not sure of their protocol of gifting. I don't really know them very well, certainly not well enough to sit them down and assure them we don't need, or want anything. But I know of at least one couple who have indicated they have a gift for us. Any Indians here who can guide me on this?
The Germans are fine with their flowers...always appreciated. And hostess gifts are also fine. Several I know always bring a bottle of wine or food. The food i put out with the other food and the wine I put out if it fits the menu or tuck back for later enjoyment. I myself never go empty handed...childhood training. But it's almost always flowers or wine.

Thing is, this is an 'occasion' type party. Our anniversary actually, and a big one at that. I wish my hubby had just invited folks to a bbq without saying what we are celebrating. We really see it as our celebration, and the way we want to spend it is with our friends. (but to be honest, we would have found another reason to have a big party anyway) Too late now of course. Hopefully the ones who plan to gift come early so we can deal with it quietly and quickly.

No, it's not a burden. Friendship is never a burden. Just a little awkward.

[iris lilies]

Sadly, I finally stopped inviting people over.

They were always bringing alcohol, which I think is a fine gift to bring over to share with everyone but I always had a lot leftover. We couldn't consume that much on our own nor do we have the space for all that.
Then I had a get together to have people drink it up, specifically stating we're moving, please drink/take as you desire. Plenty of unopened bottles to choose from, too.
We had even more after that BBQ.
Sigh.

That was it for me.

I know!

We give dinner parties where I end up with more alcohol than when we started. Two friends have stopped drinking (weight control and medication are the reasons) and iris is always known for liking a bottle of red. Hence, they bring wine, but don't drink it.

and then, weve hosted big neighborhood parties where we end up with half drunk bottles of wine, and a couple of 6 packs. This, coupled with the alcohol we bought means we have too much damned alcohol, and the beer goes to sit in in our basement dor months.


We are a nation of excess.