Recovering hoarders?

[RoseQuartz]

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[iris lilies]

Well, SURE it is easier to see thngs when they are all spread out on a flat surface. That also makes it impossible to clean.

[Ultralight]

I'd say also that a huge component is not being isolated either. You can really marinate in your own skewed thinking if you are a recluse. That seems to be one major ingredient with hoarding too, the removal of anyone who would judge/confront or reflect on reality. But I think unless a person wants to be better then they should just be left to it after some measure of urging and convincing proves to be ineffective.

Hoard enough stuff and you've built a fortress around yourself and you have shut everyone out.

Isolation is a negative feedback loop of hoarding.

Leaving someone to hoard causes difficult problems. Most first responders like firefighters and EMTs consider hoards to be fire hazards and dangerous (though the EMT on here would dispute this, though I have no idea why).

There are also problems of pests like rats, bedbugs, and scabies. These flourish in hoards.

There is the issue of disease, this is especially true when hoarders have animals.

Neighbors often despise hoarders because a hoard brings down property values and makes selling a home hard (and you often want to sell your home and move when you live next to a hoarder!).

Hoarders often disregard the space of others. Like when I was a kid I had a closet in my room. But I could not use it. My mom appropriated it and hoarded it up.

This can happen on the neighborhood level where hoarders encroach on others' space.

[Ultralight]

Well, SURE it is easier to see thngs when they are all spread out on a flat surface. That also makes it impossible to clean.

Well, it certainly can. But for me I just clean off the counter and the coffee table in the span of a couple minutes. There are only so many things that could be on there anyway because I own so few.

[RoseQuartz]

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[Ultralight]

What I was getting at was that once the hoarder becomes a danger to themselves or others then the state needs to step in and clean up the hoard.

I would disagree that a hoarder can live the way they want until it hurts someone else. Think about if you lived right next to a hoarder and their tinderbox just went up in flames. Your house could get caught in that. People could get hurt and die. This has happened!

So the state needs to make sure it does not go this far.

As for a person, let's say, who marries a hoarder. They have to accept that the person is just a hoarder. The odds of them getting appreciably better being so small, all one can do is say: "If you can't beat them, join them."

The person could also leave and get divorced, which is what I would do.

[Chicken lady]

Ultralite, if you were talking to me, you can ask me anything, I can always decline to answer.

i think you and I have different definition of "hoarder". Perhaps because I see it from the inside, and you see it from the outside. I would actually call rose quartz an extremely high functioning hoarder - because of the mind chatter. That to me, the impulse to hoard things, is the nature of hoarding. To you, the key element is the actual hoard.

There is a linein the pink panther movie about "yuri the trainer who trains." You see the hoarders who hoard.

I also think you can have a hoard without being a hoarder. Maybe you were depressed, or broke, or illl, or just completely overwhelmed - but if you aren't actually a hoarder, someone could just come clean all that up and teach you some good habits and you'd just be grateful.

what if you collect things but don't display them because the person you live with doesn't like them? When I lived with my parents I had 2 wide wide floor to ceiling shelves for my dolls. Mom and I both liked them. Dh says "not in here" until we run out of "in here's" and I fight for some space. (Yes, they would now overflow the original shelves)

"things I like" - for example, I like dolls. I enjoy looking at them and having them around and checking out how they are made and their clothes and the sculptural aspect of hands and faces. I chose which ones to collect by "I like this one" (and it fails under my discretionary budget) not by any hard categories or search for diversity.

[RoseQuartz]

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[Teacher Terry]

I have had a few collections and like IL I knew when the time was over and I never got carried away. From my teapot collection I have one and from my dolls I have 3. I let everyone know I am done collecting so no gifts. Actually we have stopped gift giving with most people. The older I gt the more cleaner and lighter I like my space and I also have realized it is so much easier to clean when shit isn't everywhere. My 3rd MIL was a wonderful person but a hoarder. She wanted while she went on a week trip for us to replace her bedroom floor. So we cleaned the room and kept what my DH knew was important, trashed a bunch of shit and gave her a new floor, and matching bedspread, curtains, sheets, lamp etc something she had never had before. When she got home she was speechless. Probably because she expected a new floor only and wondered where all her crap went. However, she kept that room clean until she died. Without me our house would be a disaster. My DH would never put stuff away. I limit his junk to his office, garage and shed. However, he has noted that it is nice to have a home that you can invite someone over at any time and need not worry about the house. When people keep collecting in spite of having too much junk it is really sad.

[Ultralight]

Ultralite, if you were talking to me, you can ask me anything, I can always decline to answer.

Okay, what if you husband said: "Clean up this hoard -- and I mean really clean it -- or I am leaving you and moving away!"

What would you do?

Or what if one or all your kids said: "Mom, clean up this hoard -- and I mean really clean it -- or we will never speak again; there will be total disowning!"

What would you do?

i think you and I have different definition of "hoarder". Perhaps because I see it from the inside, and you see it from the outside. I would actually call rose quartz an extremely high functioning hoarder - because of the mind chatter. That to me, the impulse to hoard things, is the nature of hoarding. To you, the key element is the actual hoard.

Very intriguing. I will certainly think this over. So interesting!

So what about this? When I encounter a bobber when I am out fishing, I will often want to keep it. I have actually grabbed a few and kept them to use, especially if they are the design I like. When I throw away some food scraps I feel a little hesitant because I know they could be composted somewhere. Do these types of thoughts make me a hoarder deep down inside?

There is a linein the pink panther movie about "yuri the trainer who trains." You see the hoarders who hoard.

I also think you can have a hoard without being a hoarder. Maybe you were depressed, or broke, or illl, or just completely overwhelmed - but if you aren't actually a hoarder, someone could just come clean all that up and teach you some good habits and you'd just be grateful.

Could happen.

what if you collect things but don't display them because the person you live with doesn't like them? When I lived with my parents I had 2 wide wide floor to ceiling shelves for my dolls. Mom and I both liked them. Dh says "not in here" until we run out of "in here's" and I fight for some space. (Yes, they would now overflow the original shelves)

I am curious what makes you yield to your husband on this usage of space. Why is he the boss?

Let's say your husband built you a huge unattached showroom for all your dolls. It could hold and display all the ones you have and another 50 dolls you are yet to acquire. Would you put them on display in that showroom? Would you invite people from far and wide to come see them?

"things I like" - for example, I like dolls. I enjoy looking at them and having them around and checking out how they are made and their clothes and the sculptural aspect of hands and faces. I chose which ones to collect by "I like this one" (and it fails under my discretionary budget) not by any hard categories or search for diversity.

I like things, I suppose. But I don't love things.

I like my bicycle (though it could have a more comfortable seat. haha). I like my fish pole. For instance, when I bought it I looked it over and thought: "Ultralight. 5.5 feet. Uses 2-6 pound test line. The 'fish skin' design looks cool. Feel comfortable in my hands." One could say I liked it. But there are bazillions out there just like it. When it snaps, I will throw it away and get a new one. And I don't feel any need to buy a collection of this poles. I had two poles before and it just ruined the slow pace of fishing for me.

Same goes for my bike. I took a bike repair class. Some of the people in there owned like 15 or 20 bikes. I actively do not want another bike. Just one bike is fine.