Recovering hoarders?

[Teacher Terry]

Ihope you guys discuss what has went wrong and how you can fix it to your mutual satisfaction. It sounds like you love each other a lot.

[Ultralight]

Ihope you guys discuss what has went wrong and how you can fix it to your mutual satisfaction. It sounds like you love each other a lot.

We discussed things. But nothing much ever gets resolved. I am dubious of it working out in the long run. But she seems adamant about trying yet again, so I am willing to go along with it and see what happens.

[Teacher Terry]

Maybe a professional could help you guys get it figured out.

[Ultralight]

Maybe a professional could help you guys get it figured out.

We have considered it. But I would want to go to a secular therapist. She'd want to go to a Christian one. So we did not get that far.

[Teacher Terry]

Flip a coin) Indecision is really a decision. Either would be better then not using one.

[ApatheticNoMore]

I do wonder if you guys really do have too little in common (I know all couples have their differences and all that but ...). But good luck.

[Ultralight]

... good luck.

Thanks.

[Chicken lady]

Have you talked to her about where you come from? I'm guessing this is the first time she has seen it?

[Ultralight]

Have you talked to her about where you come from? I'm guessing this is the first time she has seen it?

I have told her about my old neighborhood and I have talked to her extensively about my parents' hoarding. But I could kind of tell that maybe she did not quite "get it."

For instance, a week or two ago she said: "Well, why didn't you just clean the house?"

Oh... what an unfortunate trap that is for children of hoarders. I explained: "I was the kid in the house, not the adult. And there was no way I could keep pace anyway. I had school and wanted a life of my own too."

I also told her how once, when I was about 14, I went berserk in my room and ripped up the nasty carpet, tore the wallpaper down, and threw all the stuff my mom hoarded into my closet out into the hallway so I could have my closet back -- and my space back in general. So I made my room a little oasis in the hoard. Like "No stuff may enter here!"

Of course, once I moved out that room was then totally hoarded again.

I took her there so maybe she would see why I have to live in a clutter-free home. I wanted the impact of seeing this massive and disgusting hoard to really sink in.


I will say this. When my sis found out that I took T to the hoard she was none too pleased, to put it lightly.

She said: "I have been with D (her hubby) for 12 years! And it took 10 years for me to even let him in the house, let alone get past the living room. This is NOT OKAY!"

Ya know, that sort of reaction. haha

[catherine]

I have told her about my old neighborhood and I have talked to her extensively about my parents' hoarding. But I could kind of tell that maybe she did not quite "get it."

For instance, a week or two ago she said: "Well, why didn't you just clean the house?"

Oh... what an unfortunate trap that is for children of hoarders. I explained: "I was the kid in the house, not the adult. And there was no way I could keep pace anyway. I had school and wanted a life of my own too."

It's frustrating when people don't fathom the reality. Your response "I was the kid in the house, not the adult," is spot on. Her question seems guilt-provoking where there should be none. Unfortunately children absorb that shame without any help--whether their parents are hoarders, alcoholics, or pole dancers. Your compulsion for the minimalist life is a very understandable response to your childhood.