Ouch. I'd be interested in hearing more about why you think it is less than ideal and even wrong in some situations.Originally Posted by iris lilies
Ouch. I'd be interested in hearing more about why you think it is less than ideal and even wrong in some situations.
Gender matters. Some (many ? a number anyway) benefit from having a specific gender as parent, specifically a man, especially a father, in their house during formative years. For many reasons this is optimal, not the least of which is to learn to relate appropriately to persons of male gender.
There is the research that shows the single common characteristic of the prison population is a lack of father in their home. Not poverty. Not race. Not age. Lack of father.
I think that is significant.
I cant say that the extreme lack of fatherless homes has been of benefit to the underclass here in my crime ridden city.
not all children are the same and there are kids out there who long for fathers. Others dont care much about that factor. One size doesnt fit all, but I despair that Nanny G will get it right. Children who end up inthe social welfare system are probably screwed anyway.
I wonder how much of this is expectations. My mother grew up in Nazi Germany when all the men were away at war and few came back. She had no TV to show her other family structures and assumed it was normal to not have a father because none of the other kids had one around either. She has led a good life, but her older sister, who remembered her dad from prewar days, has struggled with depression, alcoholism, and other serious issues.
Is the research addressing gay parent households? I think there is a difference between an absence father (or mother) when there is one, versus having two moms or two dads.
It all hinges on expectations. I can’t see what gender has to do with it. Is the interaction masculine or feminine? There are plenty of women who turn wrenches and plenty of men who do traditionally feminine things. If you look at LGBT relationships you’ll find the traits of traditional male/female roles. Kids are smart enough to figure it out along the way. As long as someone is is their life guiding them in their moral choices. I am happy to see anyone wanting to share their life with a child...no matter their sexual orientation. I have interviewed and interrogated plenty of criminal minds. Absentee or abusive parents are a common denominator.
This is hitting pretty close to home for me.
my heartdaughter is bi. Her husband beat her. The state of Kentucky gave him their son 4 weekdays a week. He is making decisions that are harmful to the child (denial of educational services, denial of medical services, blocking legally required communication between the school and my heart daughter) things any normal human being would expect the court to consider in reopening a custody decision. The child loves his father, and in the absence of bruises, his mom supports that, she would never keep them apart.
but she can’t go back to court. She is now living with her girlfriend of 5 years, who fills the traditional “father” roll for their boy far better than his actual father. And she is fairly certain that rather than gaining enough control to get him the help he needs, she would lose him entirely.
after years of teaching, I will tell you, children need good men in their lives, and they need good women, and they need people who think that they are the most important things in the world, and they need those people to be their “parents” even if they are actually their grandparents, or their aunts or uncles or their older siblings. And I think they also benefit from androgynous and non binary roll models.
my bio Dd asked me once when she was in college “why did you never tell me that all of my heroines were lesbians?” And I said “ because it didn’t matter at first, and if you turned out to be straight (she did) I didn’t want you to identify with them less. They were good roll models.”
Thank you for posting this, Chicken Lady. You said it better than i could.
There are all kinds of families, most of them lacking in some way--i came up in a time of mostly uninvolved fathers--but it seems to me the important thing is that children get lots of love and support from the people who matter to them, regardless of gender.
I doubt gay parents were included but who knows. i heard the author of this research on NPR a few years ago.
If you mean a kid had a daddy in his life who then abandoned him, sure, that would do a number on the kid's head.
Last edited by iris lilies; 10-29-17 at 4:24pm.
If all kinds of families are ok I wonder why social work standards exist at all, then. But again, you all know my opinion of Nanny G's ability to successfully socially engineer ANYTHING whether at a micro or macro level, so whatever.
Edited to add: dont forget, my discussion is in the context of foster parents for foster children. I just mentioned that research study because it was relevant to the gubmnt's position of cutting off agencies that provide only parental units made up of two genders.
Last edited by iris lilies; 10-29-17 at 4:29pm.
In general, I believe all kinds of families are OK, as long as they're loving and supportive. That's why so many people cobble them together from scratch. And I'm pretty skeptical of governmental oversight in these matters--it often seems to do more harm than good. But it's what we have.
There are currently 2 users browsing this thread. (0 members and 2 guests)
Posting Permissions
Reply With Quote