I've always said that the most emotionally wrenching market research project I've ever done was ethnography research with HIV patients. They ranged in age from my age down to teenagers. I went to their homes and spent time with them, interviewing them about their experiences.

The older ones tended to be really battle-scarred, with survivor guilt. They expected to die, but didn't. One of them talked about how when he got his diagnosis he blew all of his money--went on cruises, lived large, figuring why not? Then he lived and he's now broke. Thankfully due to NYC programs, he lives in a nice apartment in the Village but he was emotionally tired--even then when I interviewed him in the early 2010s.

The younger ones were much more cavalier, but in spite of all the years gone by, and all the knowledge, all the antiretrovirals and other medicines we have, what we still don't have is a non-judgmental society. Even the young ones are stigmatized.

I spoke with everyone from promising college students to jacked-up people in Harlem. Every one of them had so much heart. Every story made it difficult for me to maintain professional demeanor.

One of the lessons I've learned doing market research is that if people--even the medical community-- thinks you are "responsible" for your condition, they dismiss you. So not only do you carry all the grief and fear of having a bad illness, but you may also be shunned.

I really wanted to write a magazine article about the many faces of HIV after that research was over but it would have been difficult getting permissions to do it.