As Flowers just said on another thread " the time to fix the roof is when the sun is shining." I need to take that one to heart!
As Flowers just said on another thread " the time to fix the roof is when the sun is shining." I need to take that one to heart!
having money certainly helps. My mom had a decent income as well as nursing home insurance, so we didn’t have to sell her house until we chose to do it. Between her nursing home insurance and her income that covered the first few years of nursing home care. When the insurance ran out she still had enough financial assets to close the gap. We didn’t have any problem with selling the house, we just didn’t need do it right away so we rented it out to a relative for a couple of years and then he eventually bought it.Originally Posted by rosarugosa
You are going to have to sell her house anyway regardless of what happens.
I would think there are other intermediate steps between single family home and nursing home/assisted living such as:
1. Downsize to an apartment
2. Have someone live with her - in today's housing market someone might be happy to have free rent in exchange for staying there overnight
3. Live with a family member - probably the most challenging option
On Thursdays, I work at our main branch in a town about an hour away. This past Thursday, I could see through the Ring doorbell that my husband's friend had dropped him off from taking him to lunch. DH was ringing the doorbell and knocking on the door. I tried calling his cell - no answer (learned later it was in the house). I talked to him through the Ring. I tried to talk him through opening the screen door (sometimes you have to push it in a bit before turning the handle down). No go. I tried to explain to him how to use the garage door keypad. He ended up taking it completely off the door frame. I ended up calling his friend who came back to help him. Turns out, DH had actually locked the doors behind him this time (he never does this anymore). They struggled and got the doors open and DH got in the house. I tried later and no problem with any of our keys working in the doors.
When I got home about 6:00 that evening, he had no memory of this entire episode. I went into our bedroom to change and found the shower going full bore. Who knows how long that had been running, because DH certainly didn't. The water was still hot, so probably not more than a couple of hours. Can't wait to see that water bill. Kind of ironic that he actually took a shower that afternoon - I call it a win if he showers twice a week.
I've started the process of applying for medicaid to get him into a local PACE program. It's $5K a month private pay, which we don't have. Management will let me start WFH 2 days a week, also. Good times.
"Do not accumulate for yourselves treasures on earth, where moth and rust destroy and thieves break in and steal. But accumulate for yourselves treasure in heaven, where moth and rust do not destroy, and thieves do not break in and steal. For where your treasure is, your heart is also." Jesus
sure, but FINDING those reliable, reasonable non-criminally intended or not-thieves to stay around and monitor an oldster is a huge ongoing challenge. And while it is somewhat easier to live with a senior you’re not related to like your mother, it would always be her house, her rules, her idiocyncracies, her control of the thermostat.
You are romanticizing this.
Teacher Terri would know about this, but there is apparently a program where needy adults can live as foster residents in the home of a family.
I saw this in one of the videos I watched about romance scammers. In it a young family had in their house a middle-aged woman who is intellectually challenged. The middle-aged woman was sending all of her money to a Nigerian scammer.
That situation has to be tricky to navigate because it’s certainly very foolish to waste all your money doing that, on the other hand the foster family needs to respect the autonomy of their adult foster person. They handled it well I think when the mom the family took the approach “she can’t live here anymore if she’s going to put this family in danger with a money laundering and possible criminal involvement. She needs to stop because she’s endangering us. “
I thought that was a smart approach because in no way was she saying the middle-age woman needed to stop throwing all of her money away.
Anyway, that’s my off-topic comment for the day.
i am so sorry to hear of this place in your life.
When my MIL was still at home as a new widow, she was increasingly unable to navigate her house. One morning she went out to get the newspaper (she refused to use the internet), tripped on a step and lay on the front porch for hours unable to get up until a neighbor found her. She would not allow "strangers" in her house to help. Fast forward after five years in assisted living, life is still very problematic for her. It isn't mentioned a lot, but finding help at these places is next to impossible these days. At least once a week, she will call and say there was no dinner because another cook quit or didn't show up. Peanut butter and jelly sandwich one more time. And this sort of eroding service is costing her thousands a month. I ponder this situation quite a bit and hope, hope, hope I go quickly when that day comes.
Pinkytoe, Mominlaw was in an independent apartment next to assisted living. It got so hard for the company to hire kitchen and nursing staff, that they finally closed the assisted living portion and reconverted the apartments back to independent living units. I always felt sorry for those who depended on that help and the crap that they often got. Mom tried eating at the dining room (she could pay for it) and it was often bad so she stopped going.
Mominlaw is currently not speaking to me. So her son has taken over any communications with his mother. Knowing her grudge holding capabilities, this could be a long time.
I'm glad for you that you have a family situation where you think these options might be possible!I would think there are other intermediate steps between single family home and nursing home/assisted living such as:
1. Downsize to an apartment
2. Have someone live with her - in today's housing market someone might be happy to have free rent in exchange for staying there overnight
3. Live with a family member - probably the most challenging option
My mother absolutely refused any other options. No strangers in the house, because they'll steal her stuff don't ya know. An apartment was out because then people would think she was poor and could no longer afford a house. It was always huge for her that other people think that she is wealthy, and its the hardest thing for her to swallow that we sold her house (she doesn't understand banks anymore and that she still has the assets, if it isn't something she can hold or point to, it doesn't exist). And living with my sister, nope. Mom is scary, turn-on-a-dime nasty- I swear there's been mental illness her whole life from other events but now with the dementia, she's hard pressed to ever pull out the nice facade she used to use with neighbors. Any minor thing, like asking her to change her clothes, puts her in an angry vitriolic mood for the rest of the day, along with hitting my sister and calling her names and accusing her of heinous things.
Assisted living is the best thing for all involved, including my mother, in my family's case. She has her privacy when she wants it, and has neighbors to talk to when she wants that and doesn't have to be embarrassed about not remembering. My sister does have to follow up with management fairly frequently for things that aren't done but we are paying for but is still able to continue to work, which would not otherwise be possible.
There are currently 1 users browsing this thread. (0 members and 1 guests)
Posting Permissions
Reply With Quote