Health and aging

[flowerseverywhere]

Lots of great points have been brought up. We moved to a one story House with no stairs to get in one of the door. The Roman shower is big enough for a wheelchair. We have a shower chair, Ada grab bars in shower and toilet, and hand held shower heads. We have the ability to hire house cleaner and so on. But we have promised the kids we will give up the house if they feel it is too dangerous for us. In our early seventies that's what I think is best for now.

[iris lilies]

IL, around here old high schools have been successfully converted to senior apartments/ assisted living facilities. There's also a convent with almost no sisters that is now housing seniors, no need to convert. The ones I've seen are architecturally interesting, YMMV. But all are from the 1930s or earlier. Sadly, there is no private patio/garden area with any I know of. In fact the high school conversions (and many of the old existing schools that are still schools) have no actual ground floor, one goes up or down, but never just "in".

I get that incapacitation is difficult to deal with, in any form. But I refuse to stop living my life as I want it, "just in case". Look ahead, sure. And declutter, I need to work on that -but DD and I have a side hustle in resale so... there's gonna be stuff. But DD lives with us, and half the "stuff" here is hers, so I don't feel badly thinking that it's going to be mostly hers to deal with at some point. Again, I realize that everyone has different circumstances.

Anecdotal note about a FLA independent/assisted facility - DSIS had a best friend who bought into one of those independent living places that promise to move you up to assisted and then nursing home care as needed. Every step, she had to resell them her current place that she had "bought into", at a reduced rate, and buy into the next level at the new and improved (much higher) rate. By the time she got to nursing home care, the facility had decoupled from Medicaid, which they had assured everyone they would not do and that residents would be able to stay even if their money ran out. The higher buy in at each step and the requirement to resell back to the company at a reduced rate was in the contract, but the Medicaid assurance wasn't. She did not run out of money, as she died from an untreated infection that turned out to be cancer, but it was close and her daughter was frantic about it.

I have always wondered about those step up places, about moving from independent living to assisted living to nursing care, and how all that works financially.

Fortunately, my mom in the nursing home had enough money to pay privately for it because she had insurance that covered part of it, and she was about six months away from her long-term care insurance running out when she died.

[early morning]

I guess that should be our (speaking only for DH and myself here) goal lol - to die before the money runs out! In our case, we're going to have to make it quick, then!

[iris lilies]

Lots of great points have been brought up. We moved to a one story House with no stairs to get in one of the door. The Roman shower is big enough for a wheelchair. We have a shower chair, Ada grab bars in shower and toilet, and hand held shower heads. We have the ability to hire house cleaner and so on. But we have promised the kids we will give up the house if they feel it is too dangerous for us. In our early seventies that's what I think is best for now.

I have said several times here that our new house in Hermann is senior friendly with everything on one floor. Grab bars have you have to be installed in the bathroom I will use most often, but there is infrastructure in the walls for that, because I made sure that happened. There are no steps of any kind, but I doubt if wheelchair will fit bathroom.

But it is our yard that is utterly unfriendly for seniors. It is 1 acre on a hill, a pretty steep hill. I will say that when I am ready to stop trekking down the hill to attend to iris and lily beds, I can downsize and move favorite plants up to two beds that immediately surround our house that are much easier to access.

[pinkytoe]

Today, life can be extended ad nauseam, despite incapacitation. Is that a blessing or a curse?

In MIL's case, it is a horrible curse. The poor woman pays around $6500 a month for her 1-1 apartment assisted living unit and has been in the same situation for almost five years now. She never leaves her room much less her chair or bed. Aids come in multiple times a day to take her bp or give meds starting at 5am. Falls that occur about once a month when she does move around send her to the ER for yet another scan. If or when she moves up to the nursing home status, her costs will double. What an existence...

[catherine]

We have plenty of bandwidth for our 3 outdoor steps to be made into a ramp. We also already have grab bars. But again, I expect that by that time, I'll only use them if my kids will be so kind as to drive me up to the "summer cottage" for a short spell.

All this talk makes me really appreciate my great-aunt all the more. My only caregiving function for her when we were sharing her summer house in my late teens and her late 80s and early 90s was to drive her to the store and water her garden. Otherwise, she did all the cooking, and much of the cleaning. There were no grab bars. There were no ramps--she stepped down the 9 stairs to the ground in her 1" heels every day until the day she died. Maybe I've just been lucky to have such elders in my life. I believe in planning for the future, but I certainly am hoping for the best--which means to be just like her.

[KayLR]

We have stumbled upon a situation which is working really well for us, and I hope it lasts for quite a while.

My son-in-law was recently hired for a position in a city north of Seattle (we all lived in SW WA). He had been commuting for a couple years from another WA city (Shelton for Bae and Jane), renting a small house a few hours from home and going home on the weekends. When he was hired at the new city, we were all worried about them being so far from us seeing as how I've always been so involved with helping with intellectually disabled grandson.

So...I suggested, "why don't we just take your rental in Shelton?" So we did. He's begun his new job and moved to a short term rental, and he and DD just sold their home in SW WA. They'll all finally be together again full time next month. This is as far north and as close to Seattle as we can afford to live. We will be one hour away if we are needed. Grandson has already visited and we've scoped out many of the nearby fishing spots and hiking/walking trails.

The new rental for us (we like renting for the same reasons stated by Tradd) is a small 55+ community just outside city limits in a small (I think 10 houses/duplexes) loop with woods all around. It's quiet and lovely. We have one of the few single-family homes. It has a small front yard and a nice patio. We have high fencing because there is a herd of deer. Good thing because I have roses inside the patio! I'm growing herbs and tomatoes in pots.

The home is just the right size. We have a small guest room and another extra bedroom which I use as my sewing and embroidery studio. The halls are wide and would accommodate a walker or wheelchair; the master bath as well. It's single level. I've met a few of the neighbors who are friendly and fun-loving, interesting folks. I think we will be here for a while. The M-O is to keep my body well and moving so I don't have to worry about all those accommodations for a long time.

[iris lilies]

Kay, that sounds like a very very nice place!

[pinkytoe]

Here is a listing for a property in the retirement "compound" near our house:
https://www.realtor.com/realestatean...7_M17523-91742
Seems high to me when you add the $750 a month HOA fee. Next step would be assisted living units followed by the Alzheimer's units. The whole thing takes up several city blocks. I think I might go nuts in such a sterile environment but perhaps one's outlook changes with age. At least their view is nice.

[iris lilies]

Here is a listing for a property in the retirement "compound" near our house:
https://www.realtor.com/realestatean...7_M17523-91742
Seems high to me when you add the $750 a month HOA fee. Next step would be assisted living units followed by the Alzheimer's units. The whole thing takes up several city blocks. I think I might mgo nuts in such a sterile environment but perhaps one's outlook changes with age. At least their view is nice.

I would not pay that kind of money, not at all.