so your financial life is tied up with a business partner who gambles? Oy vey.Originally Posted by ToomuchStuff
How far away are you from collecting Social Security? And can you live on that? I know you are somewhere around my age, although a bit younger. You need to get away from that place.
Catherine, I know you know this, but when you die your children will not have
to “clean up “any debt or lack of debt. You, Catherine, will deal with that from the grave through the vehicle Vermont defines as your estate.
I think it’s wonderful that you provided undergraduate education, a car, and even a wedding for God’s sake for your kids. That is a lot of middle-class and upper middle-class stuff going to your kids.
I remember my mother saying very clearly several times throughout my life “we are giving you an education, that is your inheritance.” There was no car provided. There was no wedding (not that I wanted one.) There were a couple of small infusions of cash from my parents tho we did not need it ha ha. I think that’s why they gave us money, because they knew we didn’t need it, they knew it would go immediately into our bank account and stay there.
still upon her death. There was a nice chunk of money, $60,000, going to me and the same amount going to my brother, so that was a nice gift but not excessive.
Yes, but this is another fear I have originating from the past... My mother had to sell the beloved cottage where I spent summers with my aunt in order to "clean up" her mother's debt--not that my grandmother had any credit card debt, but she inherited the cottage while living in a nursing home with dementia and the cottage went to the State to cover her care. I don't want my kids to have to sell the house to pay off my debts. If they want to sell it and take the money, fine. But I'd rather be a John Adams than a Thomas Jefferson (if you know anything about their estates).
"Do any human beings ever realize life while they live it--every, every minute?" Emily Webb, Our Town
www.silententry.wordpress.com
Yes, if Medicaid is paying for someone's care in a facility, then the house is sold to pay back the money to Medicaid, that's how it works. It's not really them cleaning up debt; it's more like a lien that changes ownership of the house and you have a life estate at that point. So the house does not get passed down to new owners as it is already owned by the state. It's a fine distinction, but if the state is paying for your care and leaving you the house, then you no longer really have the house in that sense, you have the life estate in the house. At least that is my understanding of it.
Definitely agree about traumas from the past influencing what we do around money, including observed traumas that belong to someone else, especially our mothers. I am coping with that right now with the settlement of my mom's estate. Tomorrow a family commercial property is scheduled to close, and it's my last tie to that place and it's been in the family, caring for the family for over 100 years, and I feel a great deal of grief and like I am letting down the family.
More about leaving houses to children--if you want to do that then you have to have enough resources to pay for your care up until death, or be lucky enough to die before you need to go into a home for care.
Then there is the problem of it being hard to inherit a part of a house. That is why I did not fight to get the house my mom wanted to leave to me, although it caused immense grief to have it leave the family. But the idea of my brothers being able to come visit and sit around my house and feel it was part theirs was so abhorrent. On the other hand, last night I dreamed I called the new owner and asked to buy it back, and this morning woke up and said to my husband maybe that is what I should do.. .
Didn't know he went back to it, unfortunately. Way too young for SS, unless I am declared disabled, and I have been looking into that, as my situation is ugly (according to everyone including the social workers helping at Chemo), and could go either way. Age, well I just had my 54th birthday, and if I go away from there, there goes my health insurance.
Company insurance on the vehicle came in today, I get paid tomorrow, then need to go hire a lawyer, as I am trying to get the house done and he's been claiming his lawyer has all the paperwork, but neither his lawyer or our banker (talks to the lawyer daily) know of any sales contract he has signed or the fact he has changed prices, often while blaming me for the sale not being done. (he doesn't face reality)
Friend just came back from seeing him, text said he is in BAD SHAPE, all caps.
Another friend of mine who wrenches where I used to wrench, thought he was having a bad time until he heard my story today. I could use some help (not a lot) and he needs a place to stay after his girlfriend am he split up, so I think he will be staying with me for a month or two to get first and last months rent while looking for his own place. He's been trying to get me to ask him for help, but I feel bad asking everybody. This could be a good thing for us both, change attitudes, help each other, etc.
Couldn't DH and I put the house in an irrevocable trust at some point? I do understand that it could get very messy with managing co-ownership. My DIL has a family "camp" (as they call it up here) in the Adirondacks. Her grandfather built it on a lake and It is supposedly a great family vacation home. But as the cousin pool keeps getting larger and larger and the older generation starts to disappear, they are now trying to set up more formal "rules" regarding the co-ownership of the place.
I'm so sorry about the commercial building, Tybee, but why do you feel you're letting the family down?
"Do any human beings ever realize life while they live it--every, every minute?" Emily Webb, Our Town
www.silententry.wordpress.com
So sorry for your situation, TMS. I do think that if a person has an independent nature hard-wired into them, it is very, very hard to allow others to help them. But often people want to help when they see a friend in need.
"Do any human beings ever realize life while they live it--every, every minute?" Emily Webb, Our Town
www.silententry.wordpress.com
we have talked about this attempt to shield money from the clawback provisions of Medicaid many times.
If you are serious about it, consult an estate and elder care attorney, one in your state of course. Random people on the internet can’t begin to address this.
oh I see. Yes you are a long ways away from Social Security. Well I and everyone here hope that your treatment and recovery goes as well can be expected. You can’t work 100 hour weeks when you’re going through cancer treatment.
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