Reformed Clutterbugs--are you out there?

[shadowmoss]

As far as each of us having our own area--I'm afraid that our stuff tends to spill over into the other's area. For e.g., I have a craft area, but quite often I work at the kitchen table, so I keep a few rolls of washi tape, glue sticks, and a paint brush or two on the table. I frequently apologize for this. ... He apologizes frequently for his stuff leaving "his room" but it doesn't change a lot. I know he's trying...but I think it's overwhelming for him.

Sounds like you both react the same way - apologize, feel guilty, and don't change. Clear your stuff off the table, and see if it motivates him to clear his stuff? Just a thought. As it is you are training him that just apologizing is all that is needed.

[AmeliaJane]

Three of my four apartments over the last decade or so were very tiny. That helped keep clutter down, partly because there isn't much physical space, and partly because I learned a few years back that clutter makes small spaces look even smaller. Also, no flat surfaces! For instance, I don't have end tables, I have a very small coffee table, the TV stand is just big enough for the TV, the kitchen table is very small, etc. If I have flat spaces, things get stacked on them.

[Fawn]

DS#3, who is 13 years old and now taller than the rest of us in the house, had not gone through his stuff since he was quite small. I told him I would buy him a new bed (that fits him) but in exchange, he had to go through all the stuff in his current bed, with captain's drawers. He went through all that and excited by the possiblity of selling his stuff for cash...also went through everything else that is his. He has two 18 gallon totes for stuff to list on craigslist or garage sale or donate.

It is pretty exciting to me to have my kids "get" this at such a young age. They see how little return on the dollar they get for what was spent. (DS#3 has a tub full of Legos, which probably cost $200-$300 new, which he received as gifts. He might get $20 for it now.) They see that our interests change over time and that cool stuff can be bought second hand when interest is high, used for years and then sold for about what they paid for it. Whew! They are so much smarter than me.

Not that they are perfect. DS#3 has to wait 5 days to get a new cell phone. The previous one was damaged during some horse-play with friends. To buy the cheapest phone today would have cost $180. Waiting 5 days means I can get a new one for free with a new contract. Poor thing has to wait.

[ejchase]

I've been meaning to respond to this thread all summer, so am doing it now.

I'm the daughter of a major clutterer, and I have been trying to recover from my own clutterbug ways since I had to clean out my mom's house after her death almost 20 years ago.

Here are some things that have worked for me:

1. a timer - This idea came from flylady.net. Whenever I can make the time or when the clutter is getting particularly out of hand, I set a timer for 15 min, 30 min, an hour or whatever, turn on some baroque music (which I read somewhere helps build momentum, and it does!) and just do it. I also occasionally have what I call "decluttering retreats" where I commit to doing a large amount of decluttering (the max is about four hours a day, broken up into small increments) over a weekend or a week. It's amazing how knowing the amount of time is finite helps me deal because I know I will have permission to stop eventually. I also sometimes set goals like "I will declutter for a total of 20 hours in the month of May" and then break that up any way I want over the whole month. I've gotten rid of a lot of stuff that way.

2. This year, I heard of someone committing to getting rid of 365 things in 2012, and I decided to emulate that. I'm documenting my progress on 43things.com, and that's worked really well. As of today, I've gotten rid of 225 things. I don't count paper I recycle or stuff like that, but more like old clothes and books I'm giving away. I easily bring in 365 in any given year (and I count my daughter's things within that - she gets a lot of hand-me-downs), so this keeps me motivated to keep stuff going out the door.

3. I now keep two boxes in my daughter's bedroom which also happens to be where I hang up my clothes. One box is for the kids' clothes thrift store, and one is for the adult thrift store. Having the boxes right there really helps me remember to get rid of stuff. When I notice something in the closet I don't wear anymore or realize it doesn't fit or look good on me anymore, I can toss it right into the box easily. I do the same when I notice something of my daughter's has gotten too small. Then I pack the stuff into a grocery bag on the weekends and drop it off at the thrift stores.

4. Lately, too, I've been working on routines - making my bed in the morning, making sure things are put away each morning or evening, recycling junk mail as soon as it comes in the door. It's a three step back two steps forward process, but I think it's what ultimately is going to make the biggest difference

As far as getting your SO on board, I'd say if you can get him to try any of the above, he might see the appeal of it. I really do now like the feeling of getting rid of stuff. I always feel euphoric after one of my decluttering retreats because it just feels so much better to be in non-cluttered spaces. If you can find a way to give him just a taste of this, he may be on board.

Good luck!

[ejchase]

I wanted to add one last thing: another thing I really need to work on is having "a place for everything and everything in its place." I know this is so obvious to some, but I still discover that some of the things lying around are lying around because I've never figured out where to put them.

Related to that is developing "systems" for things in the house - a way to deal with party invitations so you can find them when you need them, a way to deal with bills (pay them as they come in or designate a place for storing them and a particular time to pay them?). This is something else I have to work on.

[ejchase]

Yes try2b, it is an amazing amount of stuff. We tried to rehome as much as we could. I would put the word out what I had to get rid of and a lot was claimed by friends- some we sold for a small amount and some we just gave away. We sold over $5500 on craigslist over time, only a few items over a few hundred dollars. Sometimes someone would be picking something up they bought and end up buying something else. I have two college age neices and boxes of housewheres and lots of furniture went to them. Much went to goodwill and salvation army.
We sold a bunch of books, and donated bags of books to the library for their sale. All my cheap outdoor furniture was given away, we have some handcrafted adirondack wooden chairs we'll keep. All of our remaining furniture is high quality handcrafted wood that would be impossible to replace for less than a small fortune (and we love it), except for the spare beds that are on frames only. All of my kitchen plates, bowls and mugs are beautiful handmade pieces, as well as most of my baking items.
I had a lot of pieces of fabric and batting and last winter I made piles of quilts for the linus project. I tore the pages out of the huge stack of quilting magazines of any projects I might actually do, and brought about 24" of magazines down to a 2" binder.
We took pics of whatever we had left of the kids stuff and if they wanted it we took it to them. If not, out it went.
We also shredded tons of paperwork, you really don't need thirty seven years of tax returns, but it was fun to go through papers and see how much life has changed. We kept a box next to the shredder and took turns shredding.
All of our photos came out of the albums. We scanned all of them into the computer and made discs for the whole family of every single picture. So they all have copies and the originals fit into a plastic box instead of piles of albums.
So this was a huge undertaking but we did it. I will tell you , though, I will never buy anything new again after what we had to sell our stuff for.

As someone who had to clean out her mother's very cluttered home, I just want to say if you have kids (or actually any younger relatives - those college-age nieces and nephews), this is an AMAZING gift to them - to deal with your stuff now instead of leaving it for someone else to deal with after you die.

My mother was very ill, so she just couldn't do it and I don't blame her at all, but I really admire parents who manage to declutter so that their kids will have less to deal with.

[Minz]

Great info EJ Chase. I can especially like #1...the timer really helps me too. Before I go to bed, I set the timer for 8 minutes or so, and in that time I put away and clean up.. and when the timer goes off I have permission to stop, or I can keep cleaning if I want.

[ejchase]

Minx, I like your idea of doing eight minutes before bed. I've been trying to do at least 15 minutes a day, but have been thinking that maybe just 7 minutes in morning and evening would work better.

I had one more thought about frugalone's initial question that I wanted to add and then I promise I will stop. I've just been thinking so much about these issues.

It seems like decluttering is only part of the issue - the other is turning your home into a place that is aesthetically pleasing to you. I'm working on that too. What's worked for me in the past has been to clip and save pictures of homes I like and try to think about what I liked about those pictures and those rooms. And then I've basically experimented with copying the stuff I liked. I tend to like warm colors - lots of blues and greens and yellows - and I like books on the walls and carpets and hardwood floors. I managed to turn my last apartment, a studio, into a space I loved (when it wasn't cluttered!), and it was really fun figuring out what was pretty and inviting to me. When I did that, this apartment tour I found on line was my inspiration:

http://www.flickr.com/photos/happyja...7600025082938/


But there are LOADS of books and magazines out there to give you suggestions - go to the library and get a bunch and start experimenting. It's a lifelong project and can be a fun one.

At the moment, I live in a house with my SO, our 18-month-old, and his two teenagers (they are with us part-time). We moved in here when I was eight months pregnant, and the house never really got set up because the baby came, and she has been our first priority. I think I'm going to try to work through the house room by room - just focusing on turning our bedroom into a room I love, then the hallway, etc. I imagine the first sweep through will take a couple years, which is fine. I hope we'll be here for ten or twenty years, and the other times I did this, I learned so much about what I like, so it's always interesting.

I do think taking the time to think about what makes the space around you feel warm and inviting to you is as important as decluttering. I sometimes wonder if I create the clutter because it feels warmer than a decluttered space with nothing pretty in it. So I try to put pretty things in right off the bat now (I bought a pretty yellow comforter and gorgeous flowered sheets for our bed, and they are still the first thing I see when I walk in the room), so when the clutter is gone, what's underneath will be satisfying.

I apologize for going on so long, but this has been some really good reflection for me on my own process.

[Minz]

EJChase,
So silly...don't apologize..it's all good info and helpful. I agree with you completely...once decluttering is done, it should be made into space that feels comfortable and inspiring to you. I think our living spaces should be our sancuaries....spaces we love to spend time in! I looked at your flickr inspiration...very cozy, creative yet simple!! I LOVE looking at pics for inspiration...some of my fave sites are remodelista.com, apartmenttherapy.com and pinterest. I've done a couple of pinterest boards as inspiration for me...to help me get to where I want to be even though I'm still in the decluttering and cleaning stages. My inspiration rooms are probably too sparse or lack too much color for some...but they feel air-y and light to me...and not much to clean or dust..hehehehee.

http://pinterest.com/blissfulmindy/m...festyle-rooms/
http://pinterest.com/blissfulmindy/r...tchen-remodel/

[pony mom]

I don't have too much stuff, but much more than I need. The other day I went to the library and reserved a copy of the book Clear Your Clutter with Feng Shui. Over 200 reviews raved about it and I mentioned it at work today and one of my coworkers loves it. It deals with why you keep things and helps you let them go, leaving clear space in your life for new changes. Readers warn not to read it at bedtime because you'll get out of bed and start clearing junk!

The hard part for me is that a lot of my things are nice, not junk. Even if I don't want it anymore, I can't just give it or throw it away. I'll try to sell some of those things but would be happy to give them to a good home. And just thinking about the money I've spent on these things in the past.....ugh! And memories attached to the stuff (which of course will remain when the stuff is gone). I may take pictures of some things when I let them go.