How to convince my girlfriend she does not need to go on pricey dates?

[pinkytoe]

She is also physically very attractive to me.

I suspected this had something to do with your dilemma

[Geila]

I suspected this had something to do with your dilemma

Lol!

[CathyA]

I suspected this had something to do with your dilemma

Bingo! I've been reading these replies and thinking "what the heck does he even like in her?" I really don't think it's going to work, after the physical attraction part doesn't outway all the other qualities you want her to have, but she doesn't.
Good luck.

[herbgeek]

It's time to find a woman who has the same definition of date as you do.

+100

This isn't the first post from you about wanting to change your girlfriend. Why should she change? Why not just find someone more compatible?

[Geila]

Bingo! I've been reading these replies and thinking "what the heck does he even like in her?" I really don't think it's going to work...

I don't know, it might... if the fisherman will be honest about how important this aspect of the relationship is to him. Looked at a different way: she's hot (a highly valued commodity), she laughs at his jokes, she rescues dogs, she doesn't want kids, she's self-sufficient and can take care of herself financially, she admires the fact that he works hard and is educated, she appreciates how well he treats her, and they enjoy gardening together. Are these things important to the OP? How important are they?

And I do agree with everyone who has said that attempting to "change" someone is always a bad idea, and it never works! We can barely manage change within ourselves, when we try, and are highly motivated to change, and when it's our idea to change. To think that we can change others, or motivate them to change, is pure folly!

[awakenedsoul]

I don't know, it might... if the fisherman will be honest about how important this aspect of the relationship is to him. Looked at a different way: she's hot (a highly valued commodity), she laughs at his jokes, she rescues dogs, she doesn't want kids, she's self-sufficient and can take care of herself financially, she admires the fact that he works hard and is educated, she appreciates how well he treats her, and they enjoy gardening together. Are these things important to the OP? How important are they?

This is great! Do you think if you were debt free you would feel differently? I know you've mentioned in other posts that you have a very large amount of student loan debt. That was my first hit, that it's too stressful for you to spend that kind of money on dates, since you have to pay off the student loans. I can understand that. Is she debt free?

I don't think you have to have all of the same interests and passions as a couple. If you enjoy eating meals together, spending time together, and have stimulating conversations, that's fantastic. You mentioned that you are physically attracted to each other, and have mutual respect. That's a big deal.

My ex used to LOVE to go out to eat. He would pay, and looked forward to going to a restaurant on the weekends. I made our meals at home. (I bought most of the groceries.) I realized that after working hard all week, he really LOVED driving to the mountains, going for a hike in nature, and sitting down to a meal in a restaurant. It was how he treated himself. My tendency was to want to save that money and cook something at home. I learned to go with it. (I love eating out, too...but I live on a budget.) It was really enjoyable.

It's hard for people to understand financial issues if they don't have debt. I'm debt free, but I remember the struggle I felt when I wasn't. Your girlfriend sounds like a great person. I hope you can work it out, if you are in love with her.

[Ultralight]

This is great! Do you think if you were debt free you would feel differently? I know you've mentioned in other posts that you have a very large amount of student loan debt. That was my first hit, that it's too stressful for you to spend that kind of money on dates, since you have to pay off the student loans. I can understand that. Is she debt free?

I don't think you have to have all of the same interests and passions as a couple. If you enjoy eating meals together, spending time together, and have stimulating conversations, that's fantastic. You mentioned that you are physically attracted to each other, and have mutual respect. That's a big deal.

My ex used to LOVE to go out to eat. He would pay, and looked forward to going to a restaurant on the weekends. I made our meals at home. (I bought most of the groceries.) I realized that after working hard all week, he really LOVED driving to the mountains, going for a hike in nature, and sitting down to a meal in a restaurant. It was how he treated himself. My tendency was to want to save that money and cook something at home. I learned to go with it. (I love eating out, too...but I live on a budget.) It was really enjoyable.

It's hard for people to understand financial issues if they don't have debt. I'm debt free, but I remember the struggle I felt when I wasn't. Your girlfriend sounds like a great person. I hope you can work it out, if you are in love with her.

She is not debt free. She has a fairly normal amount of debt by American standards, a little student loan, a bunch of credit card debt, etc. A mortgage... She mentions wanting to be debt free someday but has no plan or drive to do it.

And let's be clear here! haha I am very physically attracted to her. She likes me because I am respectful, employed, and can make her laugh -- not for my hot bod or movie star looks.

[Ultralight]

I don't know, it might... if the fisherman will be honest about how important this aspect of the relationship is to him. Looked at a different way: she's hot (a highly valued commodity), she laughs at his jokes, she rescues dogs, she doesn't want kids, she's self-sufficient and can take care of herself financially, she admires the fact that he works hard and is educated, she appreciates how well he treats her, and they enjoy gardening together. Are these things important to the OP? How important are they?

And I do agree with everyone who has said that attempting to "change" someone is always a bad idea, and it never works! We can barely manage change within ourselves, when we try, and are highly motivated to change, and when it's our idea to change. To think that we can change others, or motivate them to change, is pure folly!

She wants/wanted kids. But now she is older and is willing to settle for someone who does not want kids.

[razz]

Bottom line is - is she open to negotiation on the differences? If not, the physical won't outweigh the emotional and financial friction.

[oldhat]

I say, let her pay for the whole date. Why is the man the one who always has to pay? If she's really into going out, tell her you'd love to accept her offer to take you out. She makes more than you, and that's what she's into. So be it.

Then, on her birthday, or some random time, I'd surprise her and take her to a really nice place, your treat. That would be far less than $2400.

+1. You say she makes $20K more than you and her job has all kinds of good bennies. Why should you foot the bill?

This doesn't apply, of course, if she has extraordinary expenses of some kind, like supporting five kids and an aged parent. But for her to expect you to pay for dates is what I like to call "selective feminism."