Recovering hoarders?

[iris lilies]

UL i am glad that you have a good relationship with your sister who is a rational adult. She can validate your childhood experinces so you know that you are not crazy.

[Ultralight]

UL i am glad that you have a good relationship with your sister who is a rational adult. She can validate your childhood experinces so you know that you are not crazy.

Thanks. And yup! She is a good one.

[Chicken lady]

Why is it not ok? This is a formative influence on your personality. If you want a long term relationship with this woman, she is going to have to be able to really understand you.

i think your sister was taking a big risk hiding the house from her husband. But then, I'm a "throw all the crazy out upfront" person.

[Ultralight]

Why is it not ok? This is a formative influence on your personality. If you want a long term relationship with this woman, she is going to have to be able to really understand you.

i think your sister was taking a big risk hiding the house from her husband. But then, I'm a "throw all the crazy out upfront" person.

It is not okay, because my sis would prefer to keep the hoard hidden. It is shameful for her.

She also just would not want to subject another person to such a disgusting situation, even if just for a moment.

As for T, I wanted her to see this because I have a zero clutter policy. And for a good reason.

[Geila]

UA - did you talk to T about how she felt after seeing your parent's place?

Also, I totally get why you would have a zero clutter policy. But doesn't that take things to the other extreme? Would you ever consider compromising a little and seeing if you can learn to be comfortable with a more balanced approach? The middle path, as the Buddha says? You'll never be like your mom or dad, and you don't have to keep such a rigid hold on yourself to prevent it from happening. It's not gonna happen. You're not them.

[Ultralight]

UA - did you talk to T about how she felt after seeing your parent's place?

Also, I totally get why you would have a zero clutter policy. But doesn't that take things to the other extreme? Would you ever consider compromising a little and seeing if you can learn to be comfortable with a more balanced approach? The middle path, as the Buddha says? You'll never be like your mom or dad, and you don't have to keep such a rigid hold on yourself to prevent it from happening. It's not gonna happen. You're not them.

I asked her about how she felt about it. She just said:

"It smells so bad of cat pee."

And...

"It makes me want to clean out my basement."


But I don't think it had the impact that I had hoped.

I actually think my path is the middle path. I have a car, a bicycle, a bunch of fishing gear (pole, wader, boots, tackle box, etc.), plenty of clothes for most any occasion, a coffee table, a laptop, a crock pot, and so on.

My apartment has a dishwasher, W/D, a fridge, HVAC, full bath, stove, and so forth.

And I have plenty of silverware and cooking utensils and bowls, etc. now too.

I am getting a used kitchen table that sits four people. Yet I will still have less than two hundred possessions.

So I feel like I am on the middle path. I mean, why have stuff you don't use or like?

[herbgeek]

So I feel like I am on the middle path

Someone on a middle path likely wouldn't be quite so compelled to continually count the number of items he/she owns.

[Ultralight]

Someone on a middle path likely wouldn't be quite so compelled to continually count the number of items he/she owns.

Would you say the same thing of counting calories? Or of the dollars and cents that come in and out of your life?

[Chicken lady]

Yes.

At some point you develop healthy eating habits, reach a stable weight that works for you, and stop counting calories. - it's enough to feel healthy and know that your clothes are comfortable.

at some point you become comfortable with your lifestyle and spending habits see that you are living within your means and making progress toward your goals, and don't need to write down every penny, you are ok with just knowing you spent the $20 in your wallet on spontaneous odds and ends you stuck it in there to cover. And if you actually dropped 7 cents while you were on the tilt a whirl, it doesn't matter.

i'm going to get better, and then I'm going to throw away the twist ties without even noticing.

[Ultralight]

At some point you develop healthy eating habits, reach a stable weight that works for you, and stop counting calories. - it's enough to feel healthy and know that your clothes are comfortable.

This might work for some people. But having a spreadsheet with all my stuff in it, that I update once in a while when I toss or acquire something works for me.

Some people might need to count calories for life, be super careful about what they eat, and weigh themselves often. Remember, only about 3% of people who were every 50lbs.+ overweight will ever lose the weight and keep it off for 5+ years. They often flake out on their good habits.

My spreadsheet of possessions has helped me keep my good habits!

at some point you become comfortable with your lifestyle and spending habits see that you are living within your means and making progress toward your goals, and don't need to write down every penny, you are ok with just knowing you spent the $20 in your wallet on spontaneous odds and ends you stuck it in there to cover. And if you actually dropped 7 cents while you were on the tilt a whirl, it doesn't matter.

Um... maybe that would work for some folks. But for others, they might need to keep using their Mint account or their YMOYL graph on the wall/little note book of expenses.

i'm going to get better, and then I'm going to throw away the twist ties without even noticing.

I do hope you get better.