Divorced or broken up over SL?

[Ultralight]

Anyone been divorced because of simple living? Anyone broken up over minimalism?

Just curious. Thoughts?

[Kestra]

Anyone been divorced because of simple living? Anyone broken up over minimalism?

Just curious. Thoughts?

I can't recall exactly what I've told you to this point, so you may be already aware, but this was part of it. Certainly not entirely due to SL/minimalism, but it was a factor.

[Ultralight]

I was wondering about that because it says you joined this forum in 2010, but didn't you just divorce within the past year?

[iris lilies]

A friend's marriage broke up after 5 years and "stuff" was one of the contributing factors.he was a minimalist, she collects stuff and fills every surface with it. He couldn't live with it all.

not surprisingly, she is also always broke. While she doesn't make a lot of money, she does make enough to not live on the edge as she does. She's a very nice person but just stupid about money. We recently sent her a gift of a few hundred bucks when she found herself in a situation that needed immediate fixing for her dogs.

Shes one one of the ones I thought about in your thread about one person to introduce to SL.

[freshstart]

A few years after my divorce, I had a 7 year relationship with a truly good hearted man. We lived an hour apart. We had kids the same age, neither of us wanted to uproot them. So we never co-habitated, we planned to do that once our kids were launched. He bought a small home. He led me to believe he was a saver, lived frugally. As the years went by, it became abundantly clear we were not similar money or possessions wise.

His house just became more and more stuffed to the gills, not full blown hoarder but too close for my comfort. He never got rid of anything, even his kids clothes from 5 yrs before. I swear, he kept every single piece of paper that ever crossed his door. The kitchen had too many falling piles of papers to work around. The table could never be sat at for a meal. He had lots of collections, never organized them or culled them, just kept adding. Piles and piles of laundry always in the FR. I swear, I could not sleep because of all the crap he had in the BR.

Then financially , I learned more, he did I think it's called an interest-only mortgage. So he was just paying interest, never anything towards the principle. And somehow he could also pay bills from this account, IDK, didn't know details, but it did not sound good. He liquidated his retirement funds to pay bills. He was struggling to stay afloat but bought "deals" online constantly. Bought a brand new SUV with nothing down. He was 9 yrs older than me, so this kind of all freaked me out, because he clearly had no long term plan or had given up on it. And he was in this mess despite making double what I make and he had 50% custody so he paid no support.

We were petering out from driving back and forth so much and the kids started having weekend activities neither of us wanted to miss. So I let it die a slow miserable death, he was such a nice guy, I couldn't bear to say, "buddy, we are total opposites, your house filled with crap makes me want to run screaming into the night and your plan for college and retirement does not appear to exist. We can never live together because I'd be stuffing garbage bags for Goodwill the second you fall asleep." Oh and we had fights that my very abused shelter dog, best dog I've ever had, slept at the end of the bed. He thought that was "filthy", from the man who had not mopped or vacuumed in a year because you could not see the floor to do it, bathroom so bad it's a good thing I cannot see with my glasses off when showering. Oddly, Bernice was the only thing we ever actually had an argument about (except vicious political jabs). She is clean, low shedder, never ever misbehaves but people scare her. That this sick, beaten down dog, who just cowered in the corner of her shelter cage, was ever willing to trust a human again was a miracle, and I am her "person". She is glued to me and you will be booted out of my bed before she ever is.

So that's kind of what happened, very, very slowly he got that I was no longer willing to make a plan to co-pilot a life with him. We never discussed it, just an amicable, "I think we've run our course." Bernice sleeps at the top now, head on her own pillow and I am so relieved I dodged that bullet. Everyone loved him, honestly a true blue guy, few understood that I'd rather be alone then totally compromise my lifestyle and financial goals. I think a lot of people stick around for love (yes, we loved each other) hoping the issues will get better. If after 7 yrs, the debt is bigger and so are the piles of crap, the issues are not going to get better without serious help. And I'm just not down for that, especially when one party is oblivious that there even are issues.

[Ultralight]

A few years after my divorce, I had a 7 year relationship with a truly good hearted man. We lived an hour apart. We had kids the same age, neither of us wanted to uproot them. So we never co-habitated, we planned to do that once our kids were launched. He bought a small home. He led me to believe he was a saver, lived frugally. As the years went by, it became abundantly clear we were not similar money or possessions wise.

His house just became more and more stuffed to the gills, not full blown hoarder but too close for my comfort. He never got rid of anything, even his kids clothes from 5 yrs before. I swear, he kept every single piece of paper that ever crossed his door. The kitchen had too many falling piles of papers to work around. The table could never be sat at for a meal. He had lots of collections, never organized them or culled them, just kept adding. Piles and piles of laundry always in the FR. I swear, I could not sleep because of all the crap he had in the BR.

Then financially , I learned more, he did I think it's called an interest-only mortgage. So he was just paying interest, never anything towards the principle. And somehow he could also pay bills from this account, IDK, didn't know details, but it did not sound good. He liquidated his retirement funds to pay bills. He was struggling to stay afloat but bought "deals" online constantly. Bought a brand new SUV with nothing down. He was 9 yrs older than me, so this kind of all freaked me out, because he clearly had no long term plan or had given up on it. And he was in this mess despite making double what I make and he had 50% custody so he paid no support.

We were petering out from driving back and forth so much and the kids started having weekend activities neither of us wanted to miss. So I let it die a slow miserable death, he was such a nice guy, I couldn't bear to say, "buddy, we are total opposites, your house filled with crap makes me want to run screaming into the night and your plan for college and retirement does not appear to exist. We can never live together because I'd be stuffing garbage bags for Goodwill the second you fall asleep." Oh and we had fights that my very abused shelter dog, best dog I've ever had, slept at the end of the bed. He thought that was "filthy", from the man who had not mopped or vacuumed in a year because you could not see the floor to do it, bathroom so bad it's a good thing I cannot see with my glasses off when showering. Oddly, Bernice was the only thing we ever actually had an argument about (except vicious political jabs). She is clean, low shedder, never ever misbehaves but people scare her. That this sick, beaten down dog, who just cowered in the corner of her shelter cage, was ever willing to trust a human again was a miracle, and I am her "person". She is glued to me and you will be booted out of my bed before she ever is.

So that's kind of what happened, very, very slowly he got that I was no longer willing to make a plan to co-pilot a life with him. We never discussed it, just an amicable, "I think we've run our course." Bernice sleeps at the top now, head on her own pillow and I am so relieved I dodged that bullet. Everyone loved him, honestly a true blue guy, few understood that I'd rather be alone then totally compromise my lifestyle and financial goals. I think a lot of people stick around for love (yes, we loved each other) hoping the issues will get better. If after 7 yrs, the debt is bigger and so are the piles of crap, the issues are not going to get better without serious help. And I'm just not down for that, especially when one party is oblivious that there even are issues.

Whoa! That is a heck of story. Thank you for sharing. Sorry it did not end well, but it could have been so much worse, as you noted. Also: From what you describe, I would venture to say that man had Compulsive Hoarding Disorder.

[freshstart]

a little on the LONG side, sorry! It did end well, we both took our toys and went home, no drama, no fighting. I guess I never wanted to call him a hoarder because I think of those shows where people have not been able to use their toilet for years and if you pick up a newspaper, a rat crawls out. But yeah, hoarder, 187 Grateful Dead t-shirts that will never fit you again and are "stored" on your BR floor, that's a hoarder.

[Ultralight]

There are 187 Grateful Dead fans who those shirts would fit somewhere out there. Why not let them enjoy and wear the shirts!?

[freshstart]

because that would be a Grateful Dead Sin of the first order. He had 19 large Rubbermaid totes with cassettes that were recorded Dead shows.

I once kicked the pile of shirts and said, "I do not sew but I will learn just to make you 187 Dead throw pillows because at least they'd have a purpose." This too, is a Sin.

[Ultralight]

Methinks Jerry would be cool with giving the shirts away!