These situations with elderly parents are very difficult. But. Treat them like any other boundary making interaction--set your own boundaries as to how much help you will give when the inevitable Bad Thing happens.
me--I am already looking forward to my last residence, a tiny place of 2 rooms with a patio for potted plants. And a cat, either inthe building or my own cat.
adults of sound mind get to live with their decisions about their lifestyle and residence. No guilting or shaming about "helping them" would be taken seriously by me.
DH's sister is in her 50's and she has multiple health problems and is largely incapacitated for physical work. Her husband, older by a decade, has dementia. Guess where they live!!!? Out on a farm!
Guess what they've got on the farm!!?? Dog. Cats. Chickens. Maybe still some bigger livestock, I don't know. They've got land that needs to have crops put in. And harvested. She cannot drive due to ill health. She will not ride with him in a car thinking he's not safe (yet he is still on the road. ) And on a tractor. She calls a taxi in from town for all of her transportation.
what makes me angry is that they have all the money they need to hire help or to buy a simple place in the bigger town, or to do BOTH. They could play at beings farmers and still have a clean an cosy town abode. Money is no problem!!
But they will not budge. Madness. Their son has a full time job and a wife with a full time job and a young family. They expect too much of him in helping with this no win situation.
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