Misconception: Minimalists don't care about people.

[bekkilyn]

This is an interesting topic to me because I believe that gender is largely learned and gender performance ("acting manly," for instance) is culturally constructed.

Intellectually, I agree. I tend to view each person as an individual and do not base their strengths and weaknesses on gender stereotypes. I tend to be supportive of some very untraditional views and understand that what works or doesn't work for me personally is not the same for everyone.

At the same time though, I really don't want to "be the man" in a relationship.

[Ultralight]

Intellectually, I agree. I tend to view each person as an individual and do not base their strengths and weaknesses on gender stereotypes. I tend to be supportive of some very untraditional views and understand that what works or doesn't work for me personally is not the same for everyone.

At the same time though, I really don't want to "be the man" in a relationship.

Can you describe what "being the man" looks like?

[Kestra]

Now this is a new fascinating topic. As much as I hate the gender-stereotypes implied in the phrase "being the man" I don't know another way to say it.

For my relationship preference it's a balanced and dynamic thing. I'd be equally uncomfortable always "being the man" as I would be if he always was/had to "be the man".

IMO this usage means the person who has the ultimate control/direction over the household. It's his ultimate responsibility to take care of trouble, make sure there's enough money, and be the voice of reason and stability.

In practicality I'd never want to live where this pressure was put on one individual. I'd prefer a partnership where we have our areas of strengths, solve problems together, and deal with crises or decisions depending on who is in the best position at the time to do so.

[Kestra]

Physically and chemistry-wise that's different. I need to feel attracted to him in a "manly" way. But that isn't about personality or leadership at all.

[JaneV2.0]

I'm wary of stereotypical "manly" men and "womanly" women, personally. I don't want someone "taking charge" of me, and I don't care to act helpless or dumb just to gain some perceived social advantage. I like real people with interesting mixtures of male/female who don't act out scripted roles. And I like to pay my own way; that separates the wheat from the chaff pretty quickly.

[Ultralight]

Now this is a new fascinating topic. As much as I hate the gender-stereotypes implied in the phrase "being the man" I don't know another way to say it.

For my relationship preference it's a balanced and dynamic thing. I'd be equally uncomfortable always "being the man" as I would be if he always was/had to "be the man".

IMO this usage means the person who has the ultimate control/direction over the household. It's his ultimate responsibility to take care of trouble, make sure there's enough money, and be the voice of reason and stability.

In practicality I'd never want to live where this pressure was put on one individual. I'd prefer a partnership where we have our areas of strengths, solve problems together, and deal with crises or decisions depending on who is in the best position at the time to do so.

I like your opinions on this as I have been the person who has the ultimate control/direction over the household, ultimate responsibility to take care of trouble, make sure there's enough money, and be the voice of reason and stability.

And it is incredibly daunting, exhausting, and annoying. I characterized myself as the "manager" of the relationship when I was married. I usually worked and paid the bills, especially after college (during grad school and after). Any problems that came up: "Jake! Come find a solution!" I was the person who made sure the boat would not capsize. It was hard... But my ex really felt entitled to this way of life.

After she left she asked me to continue to take care of her for several months -- financially and by storing her stuff and whatnot. There came a point, and I actually think I said this to her verbatim, "You left me. So you are no longer under my protection. Get a job."

[Ultralight]

Physically and chemistry-wise that's different. I need to feel attracted to him in a "manly" way. But that isn't about personality or leadership at all.

What does this mean? haha

[iris lilies]

We had a phrase for calling The Man when I was growing up.

We--my mom and I--would wail "Daddy, Fix!!!'" like 3 year old children and as a call to my dad to please come and save us in whatever endeavor we were involved in. We were grown women, or I was nearly grown, and would laugh hysterically when we did it knowing how stupid our behavior was, yet, we needed my dad to fix it.

[Ultralight]

Forgive the serial posts, but this made me think. How would I react to dating a very "womanly" woman?

I probably would not like it. It is so old fashioned and smacks of old-school Christianity. It is also a lot of responsibility for me and I think I'd be like: "Grow up and be an adult!" Which is what I often felt like telling my ex, especially in the last year when she was not working or even trying to find a job. But even she was not totally "Womanly" because she did have a small tool set and could occasionally surprise me by doing something handy. Though that was the extent of it, for the most part...

Now, how would I feel about dating a "manly" woman (not a lesbian, obviously, but a straight/bi woman would simply did lots of "manly" stuff)? If she could change the oil on my car, fix stuff around the house, build a doghouse, chop wood, carry heavy stuff, open her own jars, etc.; how would I feel?!

Probably pretty flippin' stoked! Sweet!!! Also, I don't like make-up or fingernails painted or fancy hair-dos with products in it. So I think this would totally work. lol

[Kestra]

What does this mean? haha

Some men you notice in a physical way - like super aware of their bodies. And some just remind you of your brother or something. Chemistry, who knows?