Misconception: Minimalists don't care about people.

[Ultralight]

Some men you notice in a physical way - like super aware of their bodies. And some just remind you of your brother or something. Chemistry, who knows?

Okay, just wondered. haha

[Tammy]

I like my egalitarian marriage of 34 years.

But there's several thousand marines in Phoenix right now for marine week - and I do enjoy all the tough man testosterone.

I've learned to really appreciate security people since working in a large regional jail and in psychiatric settings. Men to the rescue! I like being protected.

But I'm pretty much a feminist.

Can I have it both ways???

[bekkilyn]

Can you describe what "being the man" looks like?

Nope, I just know it when I see it!

Just to add on a bit after reading some of the responses is that I am not particularly a traditionally "feminine" woman. I am taller than average and tend to have a very dominant personality that I've discovered can be intimidating to many men. Also, I am used to being very self-reliant and independent. Unless a man happens to have enough of these same qualities and a personality that is *at least* my equal in the above, I get fearful of damaging him. A man needs to at least have a willingness and *capability* of taking charge even if he's not doing it all the time. Otherwise, he seems weaker than me and I'm just not very attracted to that sort of weakness.

I'm not talking about macho, egotistical jerks who require subservience. Just "manly" and courteous. Not sure how else to describe it. Again, I just know it when I see it!

[JaneV2.0]

...
Now, how would I feel about dating a "manly" woman (not a lesbian, obviously, but a straight/bi woman would simply did lots of "manly" stuff)? If she could change the oil on my car, fix stuff around the house, build a doghouse, chop wood, carry heavy stuff, open her own jars, etc.; how would I feel?!
...

I had a brief and doomed crush on a co-worker until I found out he was married to a woman who was at home building their deck.

Then I had a crush on her. I still need a deck built.

[Alan]

I've learned to really appreciate security people since working in a large regional jail and in psychiatric settings. Men to the rescue! I like being protected.

A man needs to at least have a willingness and *capability* of taking charge even if he's not doing it all the time. Otherwise, he seems weaker than me and I'm just not very attracted to that sort of weakness.

I'm not talking about macho, egotistical jerks who require subservience. Just "manly" and courteous. Not sure how else to describe it. Again, I just know it when I see it!

I know exactly what you both mean. I started my professional life as a policeman and eventually moved into a corporate security/executive protection role, each requiring a take charge attitude. The women I've encountered seemed to love it. Luckily, I've always known that it's not my manly good looks or manly build (snort) that attracts these increasingly younger women, it's the quiet confidence I've trained myself to exude and the willingness to stride into a troublesome situation while others are running away. It's embarrassing to say it, but it's true. I'm an old geezer but I'm still a chick magnet.

[ApatheticNoMore]

I don't see any correlation between minimalism and hard-heartedness. Was Jesus hard hearted? Buddha? Tolstoy? St. Frances? Mother Teresa? Sorry about the religious references--I DO know who I'm speaking with here , but the point is, these people were NOT known for being hard-hearted, and you could also describe them all as "extreme minimalists." The whole idea of minimalism is to keep material distractions at bay

asceticism is poorly understood by modern mentality I suppose, a hard concept to get the modern mind around, a positive case is seldom made for the value of asceticism as such in and for itself (well I think you and that list of people might understand why that term is the one that comes to mind...).

I have a book on fasting that makes asceticism seem oddly appealing - "Fasting an Exceptional Human Experience" - covers medical aspects briefly and other aspects but talks a lot about fasting saints etc.. It says both (short) fasting and meditation are mild asceticism, which seems correct to me (mediation is fasting from my thoughts and I hunger for them). Yea it briefly mentions more severe asceticism like mortification of the flesh and so on but hey neither the book nor I is really recommending those.

But it is easier to talk about the practicalities of dating a guy without a car. Choke me in the shallow water before I get too deep!!! (on which I don't have absolutes (I have been told "what women want" far more than I have ever been asked), only that it takes forbearance as it's not convenient and as a practical matter you may end up driving. )

[goldensmom]

Sentamentalism vs minimalism. I care about people as in their well being but not their stuff. I am not sentamental about things but I am sentamental about memories which are in my head and don't take up space in the house. Sentalmentalism can co-exist with a minimalist lifestyle but doesn't have to be evidenced by the amount of physical things you keep related to a person. Just a matter of perspective and personality.

[Ultralight]

Sentamentalism vs minimalism. I care about people as in their well being but not their stuff. I am not sentamental about things but I am sentamental about memories which are in my head and don't take up space in the house. Sentalmentalism can co-exist with a minimalist lifestyle but doesn't have to be evidenced by the amount of physical things you keep related to a person. Just a matter of perspective and personality.

Excellent point!

[Miss Cellane]

Nope, I just know it when I see it!

Just to add on a bit after reading some of the responses is that I am not particularly a traditionally "feminine" woman. I am taller than average and tend to have a very dominant personality that I've discovered can be intimidating to many men. Also, I am used to being very self-reliant and independent. Unless a man happens to have enough of these same qualities and a personality that is *at least* my equal in the above, I get fearful of damaging him. A man needs to at least have a willingness and *capability* of taking charge even if he's not doing it all the time. Otherwise, he seems weaker than me and I'm just not very attracted to that sort of weakness.

I'm not talking about macho, egotistical jerks who require subservience. Just "manly" and courteous. Not sure how else to describe it. Again, I just know it when I see it!

Ah, I think I know what you mean. People tell me that I come across as very independent and in control. (Where they get that idea from, I have no clue. I do not *feel* all that much in control of anything.)

As a result, I seem to attract men who want/expect me to take care of them. Not a 50/50 sort of thing, a partnership. But coming home from work and whining about what Bob said to Sam, and I'm supposed to make it all better. Everyone is out to get them; no one understands them; no one ever gives them a break. They may act "manly" at work, but at home, they expect a lot of support and shoring up from their girlfriend. Emotional leeches. It's exhausting. They are childlike.

Maybe it's not so much "acting manly" as it is "acting like an adult." Dealing with your own problems as much as possible. Not expecting someone else to step in all. the. time. to validate feelings and offer suggestions and basically put a bandaid on whatever is oh, so wrong This Time.

[Ultralight]

Ah, I think I know what you mean. People tell me that I come across as very independent and in control. (Where they get that idea from, I have no clue. I do not *feel* all that much in control of anything.)

As a result, I seem to attract men who want/expect me to take care of them. Not a 50/50 sort of thing, a partnership. But coming home from work and whining about what Bob said to Sam, and I'm supposed to make it all better. Everyone is out to get them; no one understands them; no one ever gives them a break. They may act "manly" at work, but at home, they expect a lot of support and shoring up from their girlfriend. Emotional leeches. It's exhausting. They are childlike.

Maybe it's not so much "acting manly" as it is "acting like an adult." Dealing with your own problems as much as possible. Not expecting someone else to step in all. the. time. to validate feelings and offer suggestions and basically put a bandaid on whatever is oh, so wrong This Time.

Life partners support each other. It sounds like you're expected to be a therapist, cheerleader, and life coach. My question is: What do these men expect of themselves?