Quote Originally Posted by bekkilyn View Post
Nope, I just know it when I see it!

Just to add on a bit after reading some of the responses is that I am not particularly a traditionally "feminine" woman. I am taller than average and tend to have a very dominant personality that I've discovered can be intimidating to many men. Also, I am used to being very self-reliant and independent. Unless a man happens to have enough of these same qualities and a personality that is *at least* my equal in the above, I get fearful of damaging him. A man needs to at least have a willingness and *capability* of taking charge even if he's not doing it all the time. Otherwise, he seems weaker than me and I'm just not very attracted to that sort of weakness.

I'm not talking about macho, egotistical jerks who require subservience. Just "manly" and courteous. Not sure how else to describe it. Again, I just know it when I see it!
Ah, I think I know what you mean. People tell me that I come across as very independent and in control. (Where they get that idea from, I have no clue. I do not *feel* all that much in control of anything.)

As a result, I seem to attract men who want/expect me to take care of them. Not a 50/50 sort of thing, a partnership. But coming home from work and whining about what Bob said to Sam, and I'm supposed to make it all better. Everyone is out to get them; no one understands them; no one ever gives them a break. They may act "manly" at work, but at home, they expect a lot of support and shoring up from their girlfriend. Emotional leeches. It's exhausting. They are childlike.

Maybe it's not so much "acting manly" as it is "acting like an adult." Dealing with your own problems as much as possible. Not expecting someone else to step in all. the. time. to validate feelings and offer suggestions and basically put a bandaid on whatever is oh, so wrong This Time.