Ultralight, you're starting to remind me of a boy who was pursuing my daughter. They met at an activity she hadn't tried before and didn't enjoy. He was very nice to her. Because he was so nice, she said he could call her. He started showing up at activities she liked to see her, even though he clearly had no interest in them, (which we thought was sweet at first)

and then he started pressuring her to return to the original activity and go with him to see other things in which she knew she had no interest. All the while being so NICE it was hard for her to say no. When he finally told him it wan't going to work out (after he had spoiled one of her favorite fair days by following her around like a puppy hoping there would be a reward any minute for all these silly ticks it was having to do) all he could say was " but you're so pretty."

My daughter is strong and not lonely or broken, and her response was "really? That's all you've got for me? We should date because you think I'm pretty?"

If you want to do right by this woman, you should probably end it. If she is "very Christian and wouldn't go for friends with benefits". Either she believes in her heart that you are going to marry her, or you guys are already friends (who don't have a lot in common) and there will never be any benefits.

What I don't here you saying are things like "I love her.". "She makes me happy" " I am lonely/sad/miserable when we have to be apart for a long time", "she makes my life better.". "she makes ME a better person.", "she encourages and supports me in my goals and dreams.". "she shares my goal/dream/desire/interest..."

My best friend in college was a guy. We had a lot in common, we had a great time together, we were good for each other, i loved him and still do, but was not "in love" with him. we had very different life goals and he was not what I was looking for in a life partner and father of my children. He was also very attractive. I could totally have seen it going in a "friends with benefits" direction - especially on a couple of nights when he had a really bad break up and called me and I had to go over and monitor his drinking and make sure he didn't drunk dial the girl. If it would have made him feel better... But he was the kind of guy who doesn't have sex with a woman he doesn't intend to marry. So that was a hard line we never got close to. I rubbed his shoulders sometimes when they were sore from a workout, hugged him in public now and then, and that was it.

he wouldn't have been "doing right" by me by calling himself my boyfriend and keeping me from finding dh any more than he would have been "doing wrong" by me by accepting freely offered comfort if that had been his thing.

How would you feel if some other man started taking your girlfriend on the kind of dates she wants? are there things in your relationship that could continue? Are you friends with women? I ask that last because my mother never understood my best friend. She had literally never been just friends with a man. There were men she liked fine, but she only saw them socially in couple settings with my dad. For her as a single woman it had always been potential boyfriend, current boyfriend, or no interest. So I wonder if that is in your frame of reference.