Recovering hoarders?

[Chicken lady]

Oh yes, the holiday season starts by October!

I quite understand the letter writer's position. I am "blessed" with a mother in law who feels that love is expressed through gifts every December. She has a special monetary formula for exactly how much it is appropriate to love each person on her list based on their degree of relation to her. Grandchildren may be loved by check once they enroll in a Post-high school educational program.

There is a carefully choreographed gift opening ceremony in which each participant must recieve, in addition to appropriate monetary value, an appropriate number of packages (so if one daughter in law has 12 gifts, each daughter in law must have twelve gifts.)

She is willing to buy me pretty much anything I ask for as long as it fits those criteria (although I have not tried requesting, say, a case of laundry soap) but she begins to be annoyed with me every August when she wants to have finished her shopping and I still have made no requests. She then begins e-mailing me photos of things she thinks I should want (almost never do). Last year I had to ask for three books I had planned to check out of the library. That was ok, because she expects you to get rid of non-reference books after you read them (why would anyone re-read a book?) and the bookstore gave me $5.

So far this year I have requested two large rubber buckets for the goats and a good stethoscope (also for the goats). If I can get close enough, she will fill in with fancy teas and chocolates.

[Ultralight]

An interesting form of hoarding... http://www.charlestoncitypaper.com/T...regulated-dams

[Ultralight]

Also!

bae: Might be of interest to you, amigo.

http://michiganradio.org/post/how-fi...rding#stream/0

[sylvia]

My dad is a hoarder and my mom the enabler, she also has OCD I think. The hoard is limited to the whole garage and my dads workroom which is the spare bedroom.I came to visit and walk in on the garage which is a source of shame stuff up to the ceiling of valuable antique clocks and furniture mixed with piles of boxes newspapers and receipts. I offered to help clean it out but my mom got upset to stop touching things and could decide my dad went to check the trash to see what was tossed out. I spent a few trips trying to toss out a few broken lamps and other people's broken things and hand me down furniture. I came out of a home thinking it was normal. When I got married we lived ina 3rd story 2 bedroom apartment with 2 kids under age 2 no storage one day I was taking an old picture out of the closet when the frame broke and the glass fell out almost on my crawling baby I stopped it with my knee and ended up getting stitches. That was the moment when I knew the clutter can kill me and hurt my kids. Then we moved to a house which we filled up with stuff. N ow I am trying to minimalise and enjoy our shrinking home with another baby and all the baby stuff. To finish the story my parents may have to sell thier home next spring of 25 years of hoarding and my mom suggested that I bring myself, my husband and teen sons to clear out their house of garbage. I answer no I will not clean your mess for you.

[freshstart]

To finish the story my parents may have to sell thier home next spring of 25 years of hoarding and my mom suggested that I bring myself, my husband and teen sons to clear out their house of garbage. I answer no I will not clean your mess for you.

how did she take that? it's good to know your boundaries.

With my mom, we have learned after 35 yrs of me trying to help her, even when I was just a kid, that we do not play well together with her hoarding. Although, when they got the biggest dumpster you can rent and filled it twice, I got great satisfaction out of heaving stuff in there.

[bae]

Also!

bae: Might be of interest to you, amigo.

http://michiganradio.org/post/how-fi...rding#stream/0

Just saw this, thanks!

Around here, when we detect it is a hoarder-house and if fire conditions look bad, we go defensive, pull out, and protect surrounding exposures. It's simply too risky to be inside. Sucks to be the hoarder down inside, but we all want to go home at night.

Medical calls, I've had to take people out a window that I chainsawed into door size. Sucks to be their insurance company :-)

[Ultralight]

Just saw this, thanks!

Around here, when we detect it is a hoarder-house and if fire conditions look bad, we go defensive, pull out, and protect surrounding exposures. It's simply too risky to be inside. Sucks to be the hoarder down inside, but we all want to go home at night.

Medical calls, I've had to take people out a window that I chainsawed into door size. Sucks to be their insurance company :-)

At least you get them out!

[sylvia]

I am just angry at my parents for living like that, they make the mess and Im there to clean it out. I can help but not the metaphor of me being the community streetsweeper. The have a mardi gars party and Im there for the clean up. It feels degrading since they dont appreciate the "good" daughter that I am. While other parents have rude disrespectful adult children and they would do anything to count in their lives. The buck stops here and now.

[Chicken lady]

So Sylvia, are you going to stop helping them?

I think I mentioned that my uncle is he worst hoarder in my family? He took home so much stuff from my grandmother's estate! His house was already packed. My cousin and I are very close, and at one point, when he was loading things into his car that really should have been recycled, she grabbed my arm so hard it hurt and said "you're going to help me, right? I can't do this. I'm an only child!". I don't think I'm ever going to forget the look in her eyes.

My aunt recently rented a dumpster. My mom says he is putting things into it. My dad says "not very fast.". If feel bad for all of them because I understand all the sides. My cousin or ties that hr mom will leave. I doubt it. She's in her 70s, it's a very nice house, and there is a lot of money. Mostly my aunt has been getting him to travel a lot.

[Ultralight]

The buck stops here and now.

You need to consider your personal mental health. So making the buck stop is a good plan.

What resources are you turning to in order to get help stopping the buck?