Does he live far away? Do you know where he bought it? Could you not simply exchange it for what you do use. You must need line, flies or something. Tell me you aren't hand fishing for Gods sake. It really isn't about the gadget anyway.
Does he live far away? Do you know where he bought it? Could you not simply exchange it for what you do use. You must need line, flies or something. Tell me you aren't hand fishing for Gods sake. It really isn't about the gadget anyway.
This is good advice. We've largely buried the hatchet. But I still don't want the stuff.Originally Posted by Williamsmith
Interestingly... neither of them asked for it. My sis got it so she could disprove that my mom is Irish. And then hopefully be mercifully spared the non-stop Irish talk and Irish stuff. I mean, it is silly really. My mom thinks that anything good we do is because we are Irish. lol
"You kids drink plenty of water. That is because you're Irish!"
"Ultralite, you've got a good sense of rhythm because you're Irish."
"My daughter is a hard worker! That is because she is Irish."
"That spelling be your sister won in second grade-- what can I say? Irish are good spellers."
I mean, for god's sake, this is nutty as heck, right?!
My mom was quite leery of taking the DNA test, but my sis put on the pressure.
Though when my dad saw my mom taking the test he was intrigued genuinely; so my sis and I will test him too.
So you forced your mother into something she didn't want that you believe she won't like, that can't be undone, exchanged, given away or thrown out, and you called it a gift?
Maybe your dad should have gotten you a "born to shop" tatoo. Wouldn't take up any space.
Forced? Uh... really? There is a very big difference between pressuring someone to do something and forcing someone.
Think about it. They don't them the Armed Pressures. They call them the Armed Forces. Just an example...
Someone who is pressured can simply refuse. Like when a group of teens pressure another teen into smoking a cigarette. He could refuse the cigarette.
Besides, I was not even there. I gave my sis half the cost of the DNA test. She collected the sample, mailed it out, and will be receiving the results -- which she will then forward to my mom.
Pressure is just force over area.
The stronger person always wins.
I notice that when your dad gave you the fish thingie you simply refused. (ultralight angler says "no thank you." refuses to touch gift.)
It's nice for you that you can justify your role in this even as you gloat over the prospect of getting revenge for all the Irish comments by exploding a world view your mother holds dear.
But I bet the lunar fish thing looks a lot kinder and more generous from your dad's viewpoint than your "gift" to your mom looks from yours. So on this one you get no sympathy here.
I am not sure what you mean...
I respectfully disagree, in part. I spent my teens in Ju Jitsu (translation means "the gentle way"). I'd grapple much, much stronger opponents and beat them resoundingly on the regular. How? By using their strength against them or exploiting their tiniest weakness or by thinking 12 moves ahead of them.
Now, having strength helps but good technique is more important and decides the match.
My dad is quite clever. Since I was not there to receive the gift in person (I avoided my fam's holiday festivities) he gave it to my sis who gave it to me. My intention is to give it to my BIL and then reiterate to my dad that I need no gifts in the future (unless they are pay-offs of my student loans! lol).
I actually told my sis we should consider white lying to my mom if the results come back at zero Irish. Why? Because this might temporarily crush her. My thought was that we could tell her she was perhaps 10% Irish. That way when my mom starts going on and on about how we're Irish we could say, "Come on mom, you're only 10% and we're only 5%!"
But my sis brings up a good point: My mom is a grown woman. She should be able to handle the truth as such, especially about something so materially inconsequential.
My sis and I are grown ups too. So if my mom comes back 50% Irish or something ludicrous like that then we'll be eating crow. And we'll simply re-frame our arguments.
I personally think adults should do their best to avoid delusions of their own construction (and of others' construction). I am not perfect at this, but I put in my best efforts and try to do better at this each day.
You have the choice to treat your parents in any manner you deem appropriate short of physical and mental abuse but ...if i were you, I'd be careful about the observations your girlfriend is front seat for because she might start wondering if she is getting the same treatment.....like little white lies, contrived excuses, word play and experiments with deeply held beliefs.
Now if she doesn't seem to be bothered by any of this.......you might find yourself taking a DNA test someday.
This whole conversation, your comments above in particular, are making me think about how my family members (myself included) are all rather mean and bitter toward each other. My sis was actually complaining when she came back from the fam festivities that my mom has just become so bitter and mean-spirited (much like my grandmother did). I see it too, I have seen it happening for a long time.
Maybe there is another way?
Here is the thing, and I told this to my girlfriend. If I don't have much respect for a person I tell them little white lies and/or give them contrived excuses because I really don't have time to deal with them and/or their dysfunction. But if I really respect someone then I will give them the truth, usually as tactfully as I can. And this is how I treat my girlfriend (and my previous romantic partners as well). I respect them, I am truthful with them, I am tactful as possible, and I let them know I tell white lies to people I don't have much respect for out of convenience.
As for deeply held beliefs, my gf and I tread lightly regarding certain things -- like religion. She questions my atheism and I question her religiosity, but we do so in a way that does not tick off the other. These are just discussions of ideas.
Oh, lawdy! I hope I never have to do that, but if I do then I hope it ain't mine! haha
Ultralight, there are different forms of strength. I'm sure your sister didn't physically wrestle your mother to the ground and take a DNA sample.
But she clearly found an area in which your mother was weaker and applied force (pressure and leverage are both forms of force - physics, pressure is force over area, leverage is force using a vector I believe. I'm shakey on the math on that one)
I hope your family can find ways to be kinder to each other, but you can only control your own behavior.
I will post more on my mil on the other thread later, but incidentally, I posted looking for sympathy and appreciate that I got a call to reflection.
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