Unwanted gifts

[JaneV2.0]

Lung cancer statistics, by country:
http://www.worldlifeexpectancy.com/c...rs/by-country/

Alcohol deaths, by country:
http://www.worldlifeexpectancy.com/c...ol/by-country/

[iris lilies]

There's a big difference between two drinks a night and ten. When I was a young drinker, I might drink several drinks over a five or six hour period, but if I had ten I wouldn't be walking. Looking back on my partying days, it's a wonder nothing disastrous happened to me.

But two glasses of wine puts me into the 8th nearly 9th category. Part of this measure is: is it really every night, without fail? If it is, that may be a near-problem needing watching. That's where I am.

[JaneV2.0]

But two glasses of wine puts me into the 8th nearly 9th category. Part of this measure is: is it really every night, without fail? If it is, that may be a near-problem needing watching. That's where I am.

I suppose that might be considered a dependency, worth keeping an eye on.
Nobody wants to be an addled oldster taking a tumble down the stairs.

I worry about younger people, hitting the booze hard and frequently and not thinking a thing of it--all in the name of "entertainment."

[Teacher Terry]

My Grandma never drank because she had a father and daughter die of it. I never drank at all until my mid 40's because I was too busy raising kids, going to college and working. If we have more then 1 drink when out we either walk home or uber it. when we were in Italy people would have a glass of wine with lunch and then a nap and then go back to work. But because of the long break in the middle of the day they ended up working until 7pm.

[Teacher Terry]

both times we were in Poland people can really put away the liquor and seem fine. They always do a lot of eating, snacking with it like meats, cheese and bread. They love their Vodka.

[catherine]

But two glasses of wine puts me into the 8th nearly 9th category. Part of this measure is: is it really every night, without fail? If it is, that may be a near-problem needing watching. That's where I am.

I'll tell you where I am. If I ever have research in St. Louis, IL, you and I should meet at a wine bar!

[Teacher Terry]

I am coming too

[Gardnr]

I'm between 7 & 8. Work nights I have 1 and occasionally a 2nd. Weekends I generally have 1 and sometimes 2 or 3. Yesterday I was off work to celebrate my double-nickel birthday. I had 3 drinks. Why? I bought myself a bottle of Irish Cream. I will have a shot in last cup of morning every day I do not work until it's gone. Then after work my usual Vodka/cran. And yes, sometimes a 2nd.

THere are days I don't have a cocktail in the evening but those days are few. Do I think it's a problem? No. The difference being: Do I feel I HAVE to have the cocktail vs, do I WANT to have that cocktail. There is a physical need for those with the alcohol gene (yes there is a genetic marker for alcoholism).

[Gardnr]

Not my problem.

Really? You feel great about giving him stuff and contributing to the problem you state that he has? That is called enabling.

[Mary B.]

I think a lot of people have been raised with different "rules" and they don't feel comfortable breaking with that. So if you mother always brought a hostess gift, you might field compelled to do the same.

Another example: I was at a college reunion and one of my friends married a managing partner of a big consulting firm and her son works there. I mentioned to her that one of my former colleagues' daughters just got a part time job there, with the probability of going full time in a few months. So my friend suggested that his daughter reach out to her son. I told my colleague about it and he was very grateful.

Right after that, he said, "by the way, I have a friend who needs market research help. Can I tell her about you?" My friend is Asian and I was wondering if perhaps this kind of quid pro quo is common in Asia. In other words, would he have connected me with his friend if I hadn't connected his daughter with my friend? Did he feel obligated to do so?

Catherine, I think a sense of obligation is one possibility, but not the only one. Here's a couple more. 1. The person you were talking to was reminded of you through the conversation -- "I like this person! And hey, doesn't she do market research? And hey, Friend was looking for someone to do that!" 2. The person you were speaking to was reminded that you someone who cared about other people -- enough that you have some idea of what a former colleagues' daughter is doing quite specifically, when a lot of people might have no idea that a former colleague had
a daughter -- and thought, "This is the kind of person I want to recommend to my friend."

I think quid pro quo arrangements are common most places, but as much as anything it's about strengthening ties in a network and coming to see each other a little differently, rather than a this-for-that obligation.