Recovering hoarders?

[Chicken lady]

I don't know what's up its you and your mom on that. There are things I've loaned people because I'm happy for them to have them, but I'm not happy for them to get rid of them (I want this, but if you want it too, I want you to have it more than I want it.).

I'm afraid my brother forgot that that was the case with a particular toy we had as kids, and got rid of it, but I'm dealing with that by pretending he's still keeping it even though his youngest has outgrown it. I won't ask, because if he did get rid of it, I'll be sad.

i know that you don't get the level of regret I feel over not having an object for someone - it doesn't make sense. it's pathalogical.

dd is making good progress today. She went through a keeping bin and recycled a big stack of old schoolwork, and purged about a grocery bag of other stuff so far. Now she's putting away/sorting shoes and clothes. I'm suffering some vicarious stress about her stuff. I accepted the gift of a pair of boots and I may keep a little magnetic frog too.

[freshstart]

Passing them on how? Asking people if they want them? Then if they don't want them, then what?

And that sounds like playing matchmaker -- match the used bobber to the fisherman. Playing matchmaker is often a hoarder activity.

If no one wants them then I either throw them away (so much for cleaning the environment) or I hoard them.

It is best for me to not travel down that road.

would freecycle be so bad? or are they not worth even that level of keeping?

[Ultralight]

Welp... against my better judgement, and to save about $30 I have enabled my mom and dad in their hoarding.

I should have known better.

As I mentioned in another thread, I wanted to get a good-sized cast iron skillet. I knew they had a bunch they did not use. I figured I would get it from them and wash the holy heck out of it and it'd be totally usable.

So I called my mom and asked: "Hey, you happen to have a good-sized cast iron skillet floating around?"

She was like: "Oh yes, sure do! I think it is in the basement in a box maybe..."

Twas at that moment when I realized my mistake.
A few outcomes were/are possible:
1. She digs through the hoard and finds it quickly. Thus, having found just the item I really need, she can rationalize her hoarding.
2. She digs through the hoard and it takes her a few weeks or months to find it. She can still use this to justify her hoarding. But in the meantime I am without a cast iron skillet.
3. She digs through the hoard for a month or whatever and never finds it. So she buys me one. This wastes her money. And by then I will have probably given up waiting and bought one myself. Then I tell her I don't need the one she bought and then she adds it to the hoard.

[iris lilies]

Welp... against my better judgement, and to save about $30 I have enabled my mom and dad in their hoarding.

I should have known better.

As I mentioned in another thread, I wanted to get a good-sized cast iron skillet. I knew they had a bunch they did not use. I figured I would get it from them and wash the holy heck out of it and it'd be totally usable.

So I called my mom and asked: "Hey, you happen to have a good-sized cast iron skillet floating around?"

She was like: "Oh yes, sure do! I think it is in the basement in a box maybe..."

Twas at that moment when I realized my mistake.
A few outcomes were/are possible:
1. She digs through the hoard and finds it quickly. Thus, having found just the item I really need, she can rationalize her hoarding.
2. She digs through the hoard and it takes her a few weeks or months to find it. She can still use this to justify her hoarding. But in the meantime I am without a cast iron skillet.
3. She digs through the hoard for a month or whatever and never finds it. So she buys me one. This wastes her money. And by then I will have probably given up waiting and bought one myself. Then I tell her I don't need the one she bought and then she adds it to the hoard.

yeah, I can see where that may not end well. Maybe she will surprise you and deliver two iron skillets, a medium and a small, with a flourish! But you probably want just one. Bet you didnt think of that, you ending up with multiple skillets! Add that as point number 4.

[Ultralight]

Maybe she will surprise you

She rarely surprises.

[Geila]

Just call her back and tell her you found one at Goodwill for $2, bought it, and she no longer has to find one. And then buy yourself one, whatever the price is and pretend you spent $2 at Goodwill.

I bought a Lodge cast iron skillet, average size I guess, maybe 8-10", at a Hispanic market for like $8.99. I tried to use it and get with the whole cast iron thing but it did not take. I found it too heavy and kind of a hassle since I'm used to the 12" deep non-stick ones with a lid that Costco sells for around $20. I donated it to GW and it was pretty much new. Later I saw the same skillet at BedBadBeyond for about $30.

[Ultralight]

Just call her back and tell her you found one at Goodwill for $2, bought it, and she no longer has to find one. And then buy yourself one, whatever the price is and pretend you spent $2 at Goodwill.

Doing this tonight!

[Teacher Terry]

I saw an earlier post by someone saying that if they give something away the other person can't choose to get rid of it later. Once something is gone it is no longer yours. I think the want it back mentality contributes to hoarding.UL: it looks like you have a good solution. I tell my kids if they need something ask before they buy it but unlike your Mom I know if I have it and where it is. Although, with my constant downsizing I have less extras of things.

[jp1]

I saw an earlier post by someone saying that if they give something away the other person can't choose to get rid of it later.

If I were the giver of something that I didn't want the receiver to ever dispose of I would tell the receiver "if you ever decide you don't need or want this anymore please return it to me." An example being something like a family heirloom. Otherwise, once I've given it away, that item is no longer under my control and the receiver should do with it what they will.

[Ultralight]

If I were the giver of something that I didn't want the receiver to ever dispose of I would tell the receiver "if you ever decide you don't need or want this anymore please return it to me." An example being something like a family heirloom. Otherwise, once I've given it away, that item is no longer under my control and the receiver should do with it what they will.

This is idealistic. You probably feel and operate this way. I doubt many other people do though, especially hoarders.