Recovering hoarders?

[Teacher Terry]

Most people just aren't that neat

[Ultralight]

Most people just aren't that neat

True.

[freshstart]

my ailing mother's resounding theme is that we are going to spend an hour a day dealing with her basement hoard. First of all, her oxygen doesn't go that far and it is grossly unsafe for her to do that many stairs. Second, the only thing she can do for a whole hour is sleep! But the hoard is bothering her, I think her thinking about it all the time has ratcheted up her OCD behaviors, i.e.: takes an hour to take 4 pills because she constantly has to re-check that they are correct.

I could bring the hoard to her if I were more steady on my feet, but I still have a blood pressure in the toilet and frankly not falling coming up the stairs is a challenge without a box in my arms. Plus, I am in the middle of getting 2 eye surgeries done and cannot lift for the next 2 months. Medical stuff is going on with my dad, bad time for him and me to tackle it.

I sympathize with her, the hoard keeps me awake, but I don't see a way to resolve it in the near future. How do I give her some peace?

[iris lilies]

my ailing mother's resounding theme is that we are going to spend an hour a day dealing with her basement hoard. First of all, her oxygen doesn't go that far and it is grossly unsafe for her to do that many stairs. Second, the only thing she can do for a whole hour is sleep! But the hoard is bothering her, I think her thinking about it all the time has ratcheted up her OCD behaviors, i.e.: takes an hour to take 4 pills because she constantly has to re-check that they are correct.

I could bring the hoard to her if I were more steady on my feet, but I still have a blood pressure in the toilet and frankly not falling coming up the stairs is a challenge without a box in my arms. Plus, I am in the middle of getting 2 eye surgeries done and cannot lift for the next 2 months. Medical stuff is going on with my dad, bad time for him and me to tackle it.

I sympathize with her, the hoard keeps me awake, but I don't see a way to resolve it in the near future. How do I give her some peace?

Its not your responsibility to give her peace. She is the agent of that hoard, she has to live with the consequences.

The hoard will still be there when you all have better health and can tackle it then.

[Chicken lady]

Assuming you chose to eliminate the option of not doing this at all, You had family and a cleaning person that were helping at one point, could you ask one of those people to carry two boxes up to the living room? Then you and your mother could sit on the couch and work through them for as much of her hour as she could handle.

having been through this, two boxes is plenty to start, and it wouldn't be too bad of a mess in the living room. One box might even be enough. It would be time that you could spend with your mom supporting her in what she wants to do, and you could both sit on the couch. It's more about your mom trying to make decisions at this point than it is about a huge clean out.

[freshstart]

my dad is now down for the count but we do have a cleaning lady who would bring up boxes. There just seems like there are a 100 of them and it will take forever to do it that way but she is a great option, I didn't even think of that. My cousin's DD and her friend who stayed with us for 3 weeks were supposed to organize the whole thing, they offered that. But they did not follow through, bummer. My parents were too nice to ask them to keep their end of the bargain once again putting off dealing with the hoard and that's on them, I felt the girls should be spoken to.

I know I probably can't give my mom peace of mind, I just wish I could. She is getting sicker and it is extremely hard to watch her suffer. I want to go down there and take care of the whole mess and bring her down one day and say "ta-da". But I physically can't yet.

[Ultralight]

Its not your responsibility to give her peace. She is the agent of that hoard, she has to live with the consequences.

The hoard will still be there when you all have better health and can tackle it then.

I agree with this.

Also: Allowing yourself to be continually roped into working on this "with" or "for" her will likely not change her behavior. She will continue to hoard, most likely.

A common trapped that children of hoarders fall into is "helping" their parents clean. They do it out of the best of intentions most times. But it is almost universally folly. Beware.

[Lainey]

Interesting - there's a new program offered by the Area Agency on Aging about seniors who are hoarders. They are opening it to anyone age 55+.
http://aaaphx.org/eldervention-many-...gin-september/

I hadn't heard the term "eldervention" until this.

[Ultralight]

Excellent link! Thanks!

[freshstart]

I agree with this.

Also: Allowing yourself to be continually roped into working on this "with" or "for" her will likely not change her behavior. She will continue to hoard, most likely.

A common trapped that children of hoarders fall into is "helping" their parents clean. They do it out of the best of intentions most times. But it is almost universally folly. Beware.

you're right because we don't fight often but we fight every single time I have ever tried to help her with her hoard my entire life. Why am I even considering this? Because she's said she's not at peace with it. Well, neither am I but helping with it is only going to increase my lack of peace. thanks with help with a reality check. She needs to do this alone with the cleaning lady if it bothers her so much.