OMG - you've hit on one of my new-age pet peeves, the notion that forgiveness is voluntary.

We're constantly being exhorted to forgive others so that we can move on. But it's not up to us individually. Love can't be forced, and neither can forgiveness. If you wake up one day and realize you're not hurting about the situation anymore, you might be on the path of forgiveness. But it has to happen on its own - if it ever happens.

The ability to will yourself to forgive requires superhuman strength. I ALWAYS suspect people who claim to have done it. Many many many people are fooling themselves around this, because they have a need to feel that they are fundamentally nice people who don't (God forbid) hold grudges. My thinking around this is TOTALLY opposite. Hold the darn grudge, if that's what you want to do! Why deny anger? I've never understood this anger-must-be-denied-at-all-costs thing. I recently stopped working with a feel-good therapist who simply could not deal with my anger. And he really hated it. And he just couldn't get why I was unable to snap out of my rage fog and just forgive people, move on, etc. etc.

The thing is, it IS hard to forgive. That's one of the things that was so remarkable about Christ, for instance. Sure, HE modeled forgiveness, but are mere mortals really expected to be able to do the same thing? It's as hard to forgive when you're not ready, as it is to turn water into wine!

So - you might wait for forgiveness, or even pray for it. But my question is - why do it? And why worry? You feel how you feel. Strong emotions last a long time. Some things we will be unable to forgive. And that's part of what makes us human.