I want to know people who can come by on short (or maybe a week) notice for a few hours to either do a specific activity (pick berries, make jam or cheese, swim) or bring their own entertainment (you work on your project, I'll work on my project, we'll talk, you can borrow my toys to work on your project) and then leave.

mary used to come by for coffee and knit or spin (now she's getting her Ph.D.) she always had to leave to pick up her kid before I needed to make dinner. It was good. Megan came once to pick Berries before she moved an hour away.

i want to have conversations with people who are not my family, that last more than 5 minutes, and are not work task related. And I want to have them with people with whom I don't feel like I have to think about every word I say.

example:
"hi, how are you?"
"fine, how are you?"
"fine."

this is is not a conversation, it is a social ritual divorced from the meaning of the words that I often still screw up if I don't actually think about it.
i actually answer "how are you?" (Over sharing, awkward, they didn't want to know)
i analyze out loud ("do you actually want to know?" Because I'm not fine and would like to talk about it - awkward, embarrassing)
i forget to ask "how are you?" (Because I don't care)
i ask "how are you?" While looking people in the eyes in an intonation that demands an actual response (because I do care - awkward, invasive, person really wanted to keep walking.)
i argue ("fine." "No you aren't. You've been crying." - awkward, invasive, rude, embarrassing...)

that's just one example that happens a lot. People are exhausting.