Gardnr,

i skimmed over some of your stuff and will go back. It is good. My problem is that I am prohibited from implementing programs like that or sharing a lot of that information because I am officially unqualified and I spend time with my kids in a professional setting. If anyone is going to make a decision to make information like a suicide hotline available, it would have to be the not-very-good at her job, but slowly (so d@mn slowly) getting better guidance counselor. I am not helpful if I get fired. And no I can’t share the resources with her and suggest she implement them because she is still too insecure and protective of her domain. She will get defensive and offended and then verbally pat me in the head and suggest I stick to art. Been there. Recently.

i May be too analytical and logical, but the idea of someone guiding me out of my reality.... two of my kids studied education. My son was in a class in which his professor said “if your students are not paying attention and connecting with the lesson that is your fault and you need to change the way you are presenting the material.” And my son raised his hand and said “or maybe they can’t engage because their gunshot wound reopened and they are bleeding through their shirt. That happened to my sister (who was student teaching) last week.”

my reality is the gunshot wound. I’m not sure how guiding me to the other frame of reference is going to help the kid who is bleeding.

on a final note, today I asked a woman I love and who loves me and has known me for 22 years and who incidentally recently started medication for depression that has improved her life if she thinks I could possibly be depressed and might benefit from therapy or medication. And she laughed out loud. She said “you are sad because of sad things. And you are angry because you have an overdeveloped sense of righteousness. But you are definitely not depressed.