Quote Originally Posted by catherine View Post

"If you needed help, how would you ask for it? And why do people give help?" She doesn't want to be a burden either. The idea of someone wanting to help her was mystifying. We are so attuned to being independent that it is difficult to ask for and receive help, even though it gives as much to the giver as to the recipient.

When you actually need help, it isn't difficult to ask, it is more difficult to know WHO to ask. In my case, a lot of the help I have actually had to ask for, was something like changing a delivery date or scheduling a delivery for the day's off of Chemo. (needing to be in the shop first thing in the morning, before others are even out of bed)
Some help is needed because I don't have the terminology/language needed. (legalese or medicalese), where a former nurse, or IRS agents, that I know/related to, are able to help, translate for me.
Same with straightening out our licensing issues ("ti" lazy, always got by with stuff), as the Federal agent that came to see us, worked with another relative and had heard all the junk I had to deal with, and helped.
I grew up with a background of "you don't deserve help, you should be grateful when you get it, when given at the same time, being expected to always provide help, when/where needed". So I very much understand the independent thing.
And there ARE times when someone THINKS they are providing help, that they are actually hindering. Examples in my case are my family coming over to "clean and organize", which involved changing where I put things from utensils, to kitchen items that also double as medical supplies. (food service film)
Three different employees, deciding they are going to do the scheduling, and one employee, just doing his own.
Taking bills, OFF of my desk and deciding there is a "better place" for them. I could probably come up with a few more, but this raises my blood pressure enough.