parent's estate

[Tybee]

My mom's estate seems to be winding down, with the last thing in an IRS refund. Even though we filed that we were done, it takes another year past the date we file until it will be formally closed--that was unexpected and annoying, as I thought it would be closed when everything was completed, but no.

If anyone is in charge of their parent's finances or helping, or if anyone is an executor, make sure you check the unclaimed funds for every state where they've been living. We waited about six months for one state to pay out the bank account that had gone to unclaimed funds. It took four years to get Wells Fargo to pay an account in my dad's name, and those two things probably put us back a year with mom's. We are at two years now.

I still have nightmares about their house, where I am trying to reclaim things from the house, but maybe those will go away soon. I have a lot of sadness about the past few years, but I did a good job for mom and dad, so that's a comfort.

I think if I were asked to do this again, I would not do it unless it was for my husband or one of the kids. I would not do it if there was conflict between any of the parties.

On the other hand, doing it oneself is better than blindly trusting the lawyers, as ours were not great. So it was better to not be passively waiting for them to make mistakes.

I found my dad's ledger books from both of my grandparents when he was their executor. I've got mine and I boxed them up in the attic. I'll keep the boxes for a while, and go through them again in a year or so when it is finally closed. I have been getting rid of things as we progressed--down from about five boxes to one and a half.

[catherine]

Wow.. this has been a long journey for you, and I know it had a lot of ups and downs (mostly downs). I hope that this final part of the journey goes by quickly and quietly.

It's a lesson for we parents to do whatever we can to make it easy on our kids, even if that includes dying broke, like my mother did.

ETA: I do think about the fact that I am so hell-bent on passing along our house to all 4 kids, but then I think about all the possibilities for discord... what if someone wants to cash out. What if two want to add a screened porch and two don't? All those kinds of things, which again, makes me feel that my mother having to sell my great-aunt's beach cottage was a blessing in disguise, althought I certainly couldnl't see that then.

[Tybee]

Wow.. this has been a long journey for you, and I know it had a lot of ups and downs (mostly downs). I hope that this final part of the journey goes by quickly and quietly.

It's a lesson for we parents to do whatever we can to make it easy on our kids, even if that includes dying broke, like my mother did.

ETA: I do think about the fact that I am so hell-bent on passing along our house to all 4 kids, but then I think about all the possibilities for discord... what if someone wants to cash out. What if two want to add a screened porch and two don't? All those kinds of things, which again, makes me feel that my mother having to sell my great-aunt's beach cottage was a blessing in disguise, althought I certainly couldnl't see that then.

I think it would be a good idea to talk to a "cottage law" lawfirm--they had them in Michigan, and I'm sure they have them there. Here's a book that might help:

Saving the Family Cottage: Creative Ways to Preserve Your Cottage, Cabin, Camp, or Vacation Home for Future Generations: Hollander Attorney, Stuart J., Hollander, Rose, O'Connell Attorney, Ann: 9781413328264: Amazon.com: Books

It might work? I don't know; my mom wanted to give me the house and make it up to the siblings with more money. But that did not happen. It's really hard with four kids and one house. I just don't know. I dream about the house a lot; it kind of haunts me, actually. Worst of all, she planted a beautiful forest, and all the trees are very large now--acres and acres. And her grandchildren and great grandchildren will never even see it.

Maybe that book has some good ideas? I was so relieved when my granddad's property sold--ownership with four other people was not something I looked forward to at all, and I felt really uncomfortable with some of the things that were happening.

[catherine]

Wow, that looks like a great book! I'll have to check it out. One of my daughters-in-law's family has a cabin on a lake in the Adirondacks. She represents the third generation to share it, and she comes from a big Catholic French-Canadian family. They have done a great job managing it and sharing it together. So I've been asking her about how they do it. They recently formed an LLC, for instance.

In my case, we are building a "compound" of sorts.. We have the 22-ft camper that my DD/DSIL own completely at this point. It's off-limits to eveyone else (except for DH and I). So, my other DS/DDIL decided to invest in a we-shed (I just made that up--like a she-shed for a couple). They are paying ~5k for an 8x12 Amish shed that they'll use as a sleeping/sitting space when they're up here, which is almost every weekend.

Thankfully DS#3&4 aren't up here nearly as much. But once DH and I are gone and they all own it....

[Tradd]

Tybee, glad that it’s winding down.

[pinkytoe]

It's a lesson for we parents to do whatever we can to make it easy on our kids,

Yes. So many things we need to do estate-wise but getting DH on board is almost impossible. He avoids things that he doesn't want to deal with as if they will go away. I would feel such a sense of peace if it were all in order.

[bae]

You have my extreme sympathy. A few years ago I had to do this for my MIL and FIL, and it was a horrorshow.

[iris lilies]

Yes. So many things we need to do estate-wise but getting DH on board is almost impossible. He avoids things that he doesn't want to deal with as if they will go away. I would feel such a sense of peace if it were all in order.

One thing that you could do though is make your own will. At least YOUR wishes would be known, and YOUR assets described for disposal. But maybe you already have a will, I don’t know. Are you talking about things that go beyond a will?

[pinkytoe]

We have ten yr old wills, POAs, etc. I am thinking about all the various accounts at Vanguard and also having end of life plans.

[Tybee]

We have ten yr old wills, POAs, etc. I am thinking about all the various accounts at Vanguard and also having end of life plans.

Do all the accounts at Vanguard have beneficiaries? That's easy to check, and they will not be part of the estate and will go automatically to the beneficiaries. If you set it up correctly you might not have to go through probate at all that way.