Please let's not judge the content within Jud's or anyone else's post on such emotional topics or we risk people not being willing to share due to being judged. Empathize.
I agree in principle that its a good thing to empathize. However the one big exception in my book, is when abusive behavior is being observed. I think its hugely important to let the victim of this know that this is not OK behavior. I think that's what people were trying to do here by speaking up. I've seen situations where people (usually women) just continue to take it, because they don't really realize/want to admit that it is wrong and should be stopped. Having a spouse who doesn't invite you to their own party, and gives you bogus directions so you don't show up is not a good situation. That's not acceptable. If that makes me judgmental, I accept that.