More or less financially secure when married?

[jp1]

I'm actually not sure. When SO and I first moved in together my fixed expenses stayed about the same, but expenses like eating/drinking out went way down because I moved to the NJ suburbs to live with him. Even though we now live in a big city we still cook at home every night but friday, etc, so that's still good and most likely a net positive for my finances.

SO is definitely much more of a spender than I am. He had a fair amount of debt 10 years ago when we met, but he paid off the last of that a little over a year ago and has also been building a decent 401k all along. However, I have a significantly higher net worth and unless he really ramps up his savings I probably always will. Almost all of our furniture is stuff he purchased because he wanted to have nice stuff. My den still has my old futon and bookcases and such that I bought before we met. He desperately wants me to get a better computer armoire but I am fine with the used one I bought from a friend for $40 almost 20 years ago.

We keep separate finances and probably always will due to our different spending habits. He makes roughly 50% more then I do so I don't think it's my place to tell him to be more frugal. He lives within his means and is saving for the future. Just not as fast as I would if I had his income. I don't spend any more now then I would if I were single so, on paper at least, I shouldn't feel less secure, but somehow I think I do feel less secure. Maybe it's concern that if he became disabled or long-term unemployed for some other reason that would leave me responsible for more expenses than I am now. After all, if I had to support us both it's not as though we could move into a 250 sq foot apartment like I lived in when I was single. (well, we could, but I'm sure you'd be reading about the homicide investigation within a few months of the move so that would probably be a bad idea...)

[iris lily]

I'm more financially stable being married because my household has a higher net worth with the two of us. DH is frugal and doesn't like to spend money.

I made more money than DH when we met. He was a graduate student. But he HAD more money than I had, by a lot. Between his early net worth (which we turned into a paid-for house), my regular income, his ability to fix anything so we don't buy it new, and our (both) frugality, we are a good financial team. I believe that my household net worth is much more than twice what I would have built up as a single person.

[try2bfrugal]

I am better off financially for being married. My husband had a good career when he was working and is overall very frugal.

[Rosemary]

DH and I were both working in engineering when we met. We made choices together that impacted our financial security and they've all turned out well. He went back to school for a PhD while I continued to work, and during this time we got married. When DD was born, I quit working and our frugal lifestyle really paid off as he was still finishing his degree. He went into academia, which pays less than either of us used to earn in industry, but we work well as a team, he has good medical and retirement benefits, and his schedule is more flexible. So although I'm not working and it would likely be a challenge for me to work in engineering again after almost 10 years out of the field, I do feel financially secure. The one working/one at home system allows us both to have more leisure time than if we were both working paying jobs.

[Bill]

At retirement married couples generally have a much greater net worth than single people. Especially couples that have been married long term. Had I stayed married (no thanks!) we would have 2 retirement incomes with similar expenses that I have a single person.

[cattledog]

Definitely more secure as a married person. Once DH and I married, we were able to live on one income and save the other income. DH and I have always lived fairly modestly though.

[pcooley]

While my wife is somewhat less frugal than I am, I believe we, (and I), are more financially secure because of the marriage. We balance each other nicely, though I get frustrated with some of my wife's spending.

[Selah]

In my first marriage, I felt a thousand times less financially secure than I did when I was single, even though we had more money. First husband was a big spender and a chronic debtor, and it never got any better at all with him. When I was divorced and had completely broken away from him financially, I was making absolutely squat/zero/diddle, but I felt a thousand times MORE secure financially, because I could trust myself to do whatever it took (and it took a LOT) to keep myself afloat. I did accrue some significant debt, but I also managed to pay it off (except for the house) in full, and had an excellent credit record.

In my second/current marriage, I feel even more secure financially than I did when I was single. Both of us worked wholeheartedly to clean up our past mistakes, clear all our debt, and not accrue any more. We now live very modestly, and DH is extremely careful with money. We've taken good steps to protect each other in case of physical incapacitation or death, and we've also cured ourselves of that dreaded "keep up with the Joneses" disease we both suffered from. I am VERY happy with this situation. In addition, we've also done some long and hard thinking about the cost of money being paid for by life energy, as in YMOYL. We've made better choices professionally that support our physical, mental, spiritual and emotional health, as well as our marriage, over simply trying to take whatever jobs that pay us the highest number of dollars. I really like living this way and do NOT, EVER wish to go back to my previous, crazy, stupid, harmful way of living.

[lhamo]

I'm more financially stable being married because my household has a higher net worth with the two of us. DH is frugal and doesn't like to spend money.

I made more money than DH when we met. He was a graduate student. But he HAD more money than I had, by a lot. Between his early net worth (which we turned into a paid-for house), my regular income, his ability to fix anything so we don't buy it new, and our (both) frugality, we are a good financial team. I believe that my household net worth is much more than twice what I would have built up as a single person.

Our situation is very similar to this. DH and I met in grad school and neither of us had a lot of money, but we also had no debt. I had better fellowship support than he did, so I partially supported him through the last couple of years of grad school (including some strategic support even before we got married). We then managed to land two decent-paying jobs in the non-profit sector, and pretty much continued to live like grad students until we bought our first apartment in NYC. That turned out to be a great investment -- more than doubled our money in the 3 years we owned the place -- and then we relocated to China and had very low expenses in our first city (housing paid by employer, very low cost of living otherwise). We have managed to save the bulk of one of our salaries most years, and have made another very solid real estate investment, and our net worth continues to grow at impressive rates as a result. We might have been able to accomplish 50% of that each, in a similar timeframe, but I doubt it -- sharing housing and benefits really cuts down the per-head cost of living, which means more to go into savings.

If we were to split up we would both take a pretty big financial hit -- the cost of maintaining two households for our kids would certainly be more than what we currently spend, and we wouldn't be able to maintain the same quality of life if we were each trying to do it on our own. At a minimum, we'd have to cut waaaay back on both retirement and college fund savings. The retirement nest egg target number would also need to be bumped way up to account for the higher cost of housing we would need as individuals. Better to stick together and work on our issues, which are minor in the grand scheme of things.

lhamo

lhamo

[goldensmom]

I was financially secure when I was single and I am financially secure married. I am the miser in the family, my husband is the spendthrift and together we make it work. And it is NOT true that 2 can live a cheaply as 1.