Better married; we're both frugal in different ways and not frugal in different ways, but on the whole, there's more to save for when saving for him and me both. So I save more than I would for just me alone. Both ways, though, the bag lady image persists--or now living in Santa Fe, it's the living-under-the-bridge image, as quite a few do near our street.
I think deep in our hearts we know that our comforts, our conveniences are at the expense of other people. Grace Lee Boggs
When I married now-DH he had a lot of debt and I had just a little savings. Even though I had to sacrifice to get rid of the debt, financially overall, I think we are better together than either one of of would be alone, especially him, haha. It would have been much harder for him to pay off the debt on one income. Now, we still basically live on one income and sock the other to our mortgage and savings/retirement. I guess some of the same thing could be financially accomplished through a roommate situation, but I doubt either of us alone could have qualified to buy our rental properties.
Being a "unit" does mean we have to make decisions with the other one in mind. A former coworker sent DH a job posting in another state. Its not something he would have seriously considered but he definitely wasn't considering it since he had me to think about also. If we ever did move or make a huge career shift it would have to be a joint decision.
Interesting discussion. I have never been married as the gal I asked wanted to be a kept woman. The roommate situation, would be financially beneficial to me, probably by a great deal. Yet I just can't bring myself to get a roommate as I don't think I could stand to live with someone else (never did it always only had myself to depend on).
I have joked about the tax benefits of marriage and lower insurance rates. I say I need a mail order bride, in another country where they are happy to stay. (both get the claims, have an open marriage, and if some country that has universal health care, well then if I got sick, there is a established relationship) Since marriage is viewed as a contract, rather then a religious thing now days, I joked with lawyers I know, that one should create a contract with an expiration/renewal date.
TooMuch Stuff - for some reason I always thought your were a female! I originally started this thread because a friend of mine - a guy - said he had assumed when he got married that he and his wife, both with good jobs and no kids (DINKS) would become more financially secure but it has been jiust the opposite. He feels they spend alot more together then either one (well...at least him) would spend seperately. That she wants a bit more lavish lifestyle them him and is more into owning "stuff". I know talking to other married people with 2 good incomes between them, that seems to be a common thing - feeling less finacialy secure irregardless of how much they earned together. But it seems to be opposite for the people on this forum so maybe it takes two simple livers married to each other to make on feel more financially secure.
Interesting. I wonder if it could also be an introvert/extrovert thing, as well as a simple liver thing. There are certainly lots of things to do as a couple that could cause more money spending. But if both people are also introverted and enjoy the cheaper couple things, it might not be that expensive. I'm just picturing an extrovert/introvert couple, where the extrovert wants to go to so many things that cost money and rightfully so wants to do the fun things with their partner, causing them both to have to spend money. Two extroverts could be even worse. However, if both are introverted, such as my husband and myself, most things that cost money also involve other people in some fashion, so we avoid a lot of those activities. Just some random thoughts - don't know if any real life basis to any of this.Originally Posted by Spartana
Well Kestra I am going to throw a wrench into your idea. I know, and have known too many people who would be classified as introverts and buy stuff, to make up for other issues like not connecting with people. (stuff as a substitute)
I feel more financially secure. We are a team and I don't really worry about job loss because there are two of us. We are both quite frugal and sensible. But we also enjoy our lives and spend money on enjoyment.
Before kids we socked away savings. During the younger years of kids we had paid off all debt which was a help because the caregiver cost $24k a year
Now, no more caregiver and it coincided with no more job for dh-hows that for timing?
We live well with just my income. And I know if I lost my job I can rely on dh
Feel far more secure being married. But we have always blended our finances
So did these big spenders express to you their frustration at not being gregarious party animals, and their subsequent need to shop, or was that just your armchair diagnosis? And how would you explain extroverted shoppers? Because, after all, shopping is a national pastime, like it or not, and introverts are a minority from what I can see.
I ask because it's my experience of introversion (which I don't consider a flaw or failure) that I'm rarely interested in "connecting" more than I already do. Thus, no need for maladaptive behaviors.
In the area I have grown up in, there are numerous family issues that I have been the one people come to over the years. I prefer not to go into them more then that. In my own family, I have had issues as well, but in my case, multiple family members taught me growing up that the best and luckiest thing and I could do was die as I was going to grow up like a few certain family members they viewed me as. So growing up, in a weird way that helped, as I looked at what the abuser/attacker/etc. would not want to happen and gave them that advice as well as passing stuff on to law enforcement when I could. There is a lot that I think makes my life fairly unique and a lot I would prefer not to share. I can tell you I myself am the reason for my name, as I used stuff as a substitute for relationships and people (first lesson in life, don't trust anyone, especially not family), so I would have a pretend outside face, and was really introverted. (only act with people when I had to)
That is why I prefer the internet to people, however I seem to know too many people and never expected to. A lot of them however, I am connected to because of the bad stuff that is shared, or I learn about through connections; other connections are due to work.
Definitely more financially secure married than not. 2 incomes, shared living expenses. DINK (dual income no kids) was great for saving. But for us that lasted 9 months. Once DD#1 came along, we went down to one (the lesser) income. By the time DD#2 came along, we were still on one income, but had switched to the greater one. So while my initial statement is true, it is also true that we are less financially secure with kids.
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