How to convince my girlfriend she does not need to go on pricey dates?

[Ultralight]

The relationship seems doomed. You don't seem to like anything much about her except the way she looks. ARen't there any hot atheistic girls out there to fall in love with?
I'd show her this thread and let her go.

I do like that she is kind and compassionate. Those are a big deal to me! Compassion is so incredibly important to me for any kind of relationship.

And no, atheist women are rare. Most atheist guys date religious or "spiritual" women, or they remain single. Though I do know of a handful of atheist women who have multiple boyfriends who all know about each other. It is a unique way that they are dealing with the astoundingly off-kilter ratio of women to men in the atheist community.

[iris lilies]

Almost any relationship can be made to work. This one seems to have more built in problems than an AMC Gremlin. So she's a "Super Christian"........Has it ever crossed your mind that she has posted a thread on a Christian website that reads...."How to Convince my boyfriend he needs to become a Christian, live in the Suburbs and father my three children."
Who is trying to change who?

Are you KIDDING!!!??? AMC Gremlins were little workhorses and ran like tops. Geesh.

I had one, my mom had one, they ran for 20years.

Now back to,p our topic,at hand,problems in love...

[JaneV2.0]

Are you KIDDING!!!??? AMC Gremlins were little workhorses and ran like tops. Geesh.

I had one, my mom had one, they ran for 20years.

Now back to,p our topic,at hand,problems in love...

And you mock my PT Cruiser? Haha. Advantage Jane.
Dammit--I'm going to find a ROFL smiley.

[JaneV2.0]

I don't know about atheist women; it doesn't sound like you need an atheist--a lot of them are as annoying as their opposite number--but the country is full of irreligious types. Certainly that's true around here. My circle is admittedly small, but I don't have any friends or relatives who are believers or churchgoers. Unless you want to count my second cousin, who graduated from a small Christian college and never lets you forget it. Her grandmother is undoubtedly spinning in her grave; makes me laugh every time I think of it.

[Ultralight]

Really, what is the big deal about tall? Women friends would set their Match search to a certain height. I'd go out with Peter Dinklage, I don't get it.

I am not sure. I am average height, so I don't put much thought into it. But I know I was turned away or ignored many times for not meeting the "at least 6 feet" minimum that many women have. But I have asked women about the height issue and they say these things:
1. "I don't want to lean down to kiss him."
2. "I want to feel protected."
3. "I want to feel petite next to him, or at least smaller."
4. "I don't want to look lopsided standing next to him."
5. "Height...big feet...things like that are a sign of a ___ ____!"

Personally, I have dated women of all varieties. I like women across the entire range from Kelly Ripa (petite, cute, spunky) to Jill Scott (so beautiful!).

I have dated women who were taller and more muscular than me (this was when I was in shape in college too! haha). I just don't see height as something of importance in a partner.

I think we all see that you are really trying, doing and saying the "right" things as you perceive them. So it would seem she does not appreciate this, but it sounds like she does. Then is it the "things" you both value are not "right" for each other? Why is a super Christian woman ok with a LTR with an atheist and vice versa? Isn't this a huge deal to a super Christian person? We talked about settling and sometimes that's good enough, perhaps that is what is happening here.

She is probably okay with me not being a Christian because I lead a fairly "Christ-like" life, or what-have-you. I don't drink, smoke, or do drugs. I am compassionate to people, community-minded, and kind to animals. I am not materialistic; I strive to be a person of integrity. Etc.

My mother, who is Catholic, rationalizes my atheism like this: "It does not matter than you don't believe in god. What matters is that god believes in you!"

I think that is nonsense, but it gets her through the night. My Christian friends and my Christian gf probably have a similar rationalization.

As an atheist man, I have to accept that the numbers are not in my favor. Most atheists are men. Period. End of story.

That is the demographic reality I am dealing with.

[iris lilies]

I don't know about atheist women; it doesn't sound like you need an atheist--a lot of them are as annoying as their opposite number--but the country is full of irreligious types. Certainly that's true around here. My circle is admittedly small, but I don't have any friends or relatives who are believers or churchgoers. Unless you want to count my second cousin, who graduated from a small Christian college and never lets you forget it. Her grandmother is undoubtedly spinning in her grave; makes me laugh every time I think of it.

Ok, Ok, you get a point or two for the car thing, but I am not convinced the Cruiser will go for 20 years. They don't build them now like they used to. besides, my Gremlin would leave you behind in a race, it had power and light body.

As for atheist group, hmmm. Now, in my adult life, I would stay far away from them because I would think they would be strident in their expression of non-belief, had enough of that with the UUS. Any group centered around a faith base is not my cup of tea.

But in my youth, I might have checked out your group as a non-believer. Atheist fishing expeditions are pretty funny.

[ApatheticNoMore]

I don't know about atheist women; it doesn't sound like you need an atheist--a lot of them are as annoying as their opposite number--but the country is full of irreligious types. Certainly that's true around here. My circle is admittedly small, but I don't have any friends or relatives who are believers or churchgoers. Unless you want to count my second cousin, who graduated from a small Christian college and never lets you forget it.

women aren't proselytizers - generally, some are . Whereas men are more often. But I've known people who have relocated across the country to find someone. Not just atheists although one woman I am thinking of was (and I have to say overtly religious people seem very much the exception here except for the new age people of course), but dating mid-life, it's really much more favorable to do that in a large urban area where it's considering no big deal your not settled down etc. Sure the 20 somethings are hotter, so it may be far from ideal, but fairly normal.

I don't hassle UltralightAngler, if they are happier together than apart, it's their own business.

[JaneV2.0]

Ok, Ok, you get a point or two for the car thing, but I am not convinced the Cruiser will go for 20 years. They don't build them now like they used to. besides, my Gremlin would leave you behind in a race, it had power and light body....

That's OK; I probably won't go for 20 years either.

[freshstart]

I am not sure. I am average height, so I don't put much thought into it. But I know I was turned away or ignored many times for not meeting the "at least 6 feet" minimum that many women have. But I have asked women about the height issue and they say these things:
1. "I don't want to lean down to kiss him."
2. "I want to feel protected."
3. "I want to feel petite next to him, or at least smaller."
4. "I don't want to look lopsided standing next to him."
5. "Height...big feet...things like that are a sign of a ___ ____!"

my GF calls it Angry Short Man Syndrome, like Jeremy Piven on Entourage

[Tammy]

Ultralight fisherman - you would make a good Quaker or Amishman