Giving up the story

[rodeosweetheart]

This is an awesomely rich process, Redfox. Thanks for adding these questions that I can add to the process:

"Ok... really? She's all those things? Exclusively? Who do I serve when I tell this story? Who do I hurt? How does this make my life better? Who does she become if I simply drop my story line about her? Who do I become when I do this"

I tend to be uberorganized and maybe I'll write these out and use a checklist--or maybe that's too structured, lol.

Sweetana and spartana, you have some examples of those old stories being incorrect--I used to think I was a good judge of people at first glance and boy, was I wrong. I realize I tend to be pretty defensive at first glance and I project a lot on people that is just out of my own defensive insecurity. Gulp.

Wilflower, this is also the basis of narrative therapy, which I have studied a bit, so I really like this from that approach, too.

Now I gotta actually start doing this. Maybe pick one person a week? Keep asking the questions, going through the process, seeing what I come up with.
Or maybe that's a bit much. Hmm.

[chord_ata]

Giving up the story does sound like a neat concept.

Figuring out how to give up the story without doing a willpower fight is not quite so obvious.

If you can't give up the story, just focus on being aware of the story. That might be all you need.

[iris lily]

...If you can't give up the story, just focus on being aware of the story. That might be all you need.

I like that and you are right that it may be all you need.

[Spartana]

If you can't give up the story, just focus on being aware of the story. That might be all you need.

That's what I work on. Not always very successfully, but at least I am aware that my perceptions of what I think someone's "story" is are usually completely wrong. I don't like how other people automaticly assume "my" story is such and such when they are probablt very wrong, so try hard not to assume the same about others. As far as changing or doing away with my own story about myself, I'm pretty successful at that for the most part.

[Xmac]

My story is fine until I think it has meaning or that it is true. If that causes me stress I question those stories, beliefs, concepts and assumptions and they lose their hold on me.

[Chickpea]

Wow, rodeosweetheart! This is something that my sister has taught me. She's a long time - 30+ years - meditator. It's kept her sane, according to her. She & I both read the books that Pema Chödrön write, and this concept is a big part of her teachings. It's also core to the work of Byron Katie, who is a very interesting woman.

I love the 'Roger' audio with Byron Katie. It always makes me lol, i love the womans laugh in it Here it is for anyone who isnt familiar:




'Roger is spoiled, selfish, uncommited, lying, spineless, wimpy guy with no balls...and i want him to be monogomous btw' xD

[Xmac]

Byron Katie's Work is a type of Yang Yoga, using the intellect to attain enlightenment. The Socratic method, Buddhist inquiry, and cognitive psychology have a lot of similarities. The question is a powerful tool (to be asking is to be as-king). What's great about the Work is that one doesn't need to try to drop a story (which only works temporarily anyway), the story drops you i.e. it loses it grip on you. BUT, if one is strongly attached to a story, which has a lot of identity invested in it, the Work won't "work" which is why it's not for everyone. It takes an open mind and a complete love of truth...one's own truth.

[Chickpea]

^ Yes, i like the idea that the story drops you, and its true! you cant force yourself to drop it. I have a few things im working on and i think gradually my stories are starting to loosen. I think studies in brain plasticity indicate it take 2 months to change your brain by redirecting your thoughts...or is it 4 months...anyway, i think the key is to be consistant with your challanging of the thoughts/stories (which has been my downfall previously).

[leslieann]

Chickpea, the video (audio?) was wonderful. The laughing at the end was such a release....thanks very much. I don't usually find the patience for these things online but I am glad that I stuck it out.

[Xmac]

This one is not just funny it's hysterical:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=RBbkbjIsoBw