How to convince my girlfriend she does not need to go on pricey dates?

[Geila]

Thanks, and yes, I agree. As for sounding stupid, I fielded regular questions from some friends who asked me why I'd stay with someone who told me he didn't want to get married, that I was wasting my time. I also got flack for quitting my job (in a profession) to move 1300 miles, where I'd have to take another bar exam, when he could more easily have moved back to where we met. The day after our wedding, my brother kindly reminded me that there was still time for an annulment. I decided DH was worth it. On the greedy thing, well, heck, I made him pay more to "upgrade" my ring and spent $34,000 on a wedding.

UA, I have to give it up to you: you have taken a lot of heat over your positions here, and I give you a lot of credit for keeping your equanimity through it all. I can imagine that to be one of the reasons your girlfriend likes you!

Again, I think you're being unduly hard on yourself by labeling yourself greedy. If the ring and the wedding were important to you, and you guys could afford it, how is that greedy?

When DH and I got married, I was happy to have a simple private ceremony, but he wanted a bigger celebration and he was happy to pay for it (I had no $, as I had a house payment already). We had a beautiful wedding and I'm so glad that he wanted to do it. It's not something I would have done for myself, but it truly was a magical once-in-a-lifetime experience, and he/we could afford it. So why not?

ETA: I suspect the GF likes UltraLiteAngler for his hot body, but he's too shy and modest to admit it!

[Ultralight]

ETA: I suspect the GF likes UltraLiteAngler for his hot body, but he's too shy and modest to admit it!

LOL!

I am pasty white, doughy, balding, and middle aged! I think she was just finally like: "A guy that can spell and has a job...score!"

[Ultralight]

UA, I have to give it up to you: you have taken a lot of heat over your positions here, and I give you a lot of credit for keeping your equanimity through it all. I can imagine that to be one of the reasons your girlfriend likes you!

Thank you.

[freshstart]

I had one nearly 30 years ago, and would do it again although I'd remember this time not to try jumping rain puddles the next day. Did you know you can hear stitches pop?

I worked for 4 male radiation oncologists so lots of talk about prostates that devolved into conversation about male junk in general over lunch. 2 had had vasectomies, 1 was gay and 1 had 4 boys with a wife deadset on having a girl while he was totally done. They did tell me women had 20 times the risk of complications of a tubal over a vasectomy and they each said they would do that and not even consider tubals. I was happy with what I was doing, hit menopause early, never had to do anything. Well, the poor guy ended up with one more pregnancy but it sadly ended in miscarriage of a boy. He got the vasectomy, he worked the next day (I don't think you are supposed to do that). A few years later, my friends and family members reached that age, issues with decades on the pill, tired of hormones even in an IUD and DHs who were not about to go back to condoms. 1 by 1, the vasectomies started, besides the normal male crying over anything medical, only my cousin had a problem, massive swelling. Probably because he went back to work the next day as a motorcycle cop, duh.

[freshstart]

Why are they so fixated on getting married though? Something like 40 percent of new moms are not married these days.


I guess that I don't understand why biological clocks are such a worry. Adopting a kid is the same thing. If a woman reaches 45 and then has a hard time getting preggers, why not adopt? That could cut down on that hurried feeling and mean she could not post so much on Wedding Bee.

if her biological clocking is in overdrive in her late 30s onward and finally realizes it is not going to happen, 45 feels old to start a family even by adoption. If she wants that fine. I don't think biological clocks are just a "worry", I think it's multifactorial, raging baby wanting hormones being one. And as for adopting a child being the same thing maybe on paper, I think there are a lot of women who would disagree with you. Are their reasons "right", are they selfish to want to carry their own baby? I'm not touching that one.

[freshstart]

Because they're spineless ninnies? I would expect so, if they're on a "Waiting" board. So much of how women are socialized to act makes me gag.

+1 x10

oops, I guess that should just be +10, lol

[Ultralight]

if her biological clocking is in overdrive in her late 30s onward and finally realizes it is not going to happen, 45 feels old to start a family even by adoption. If she wants that fine. I don't think biological clocks are just a "worry", I think it's multifactorial, raging baby wanting hormones being one. And as for adopting a child being the same thing maybe on paper, I think there are a lot of women who would disagree with you. Are their reasons "right", are they selfish to want to carry their own baby? I'm not touching that one.

I had a female friend in graduate school who called "raging baby wanting hormones" the baby rabies. haha

Another female friend simply calls it baby fever.

My ex told me once that she'd occasionally just have this "inexplicable urge to be pregnant." She did not rationally want kids, so she would let it pass, talk herself out of it, laugh at it, etc.

[JaneV2.0]

What do you mean?

Did you just wake up on this planet? Damn, we need a ROFL emoji.

Grab a thesaurus and look up "feminine." Or pick up a woman's magazine. Helpless, limited, mealy-mouthed, dissembling...on and on. Stereotypical males have their own limitations.

[Ultralight]

Did you just wake up on this planet? Damn, we need a ROFL emoji.

Grab a thesaurus and look up "feminine." Or pick up a woman's magazine. Helpless, limited, mealy-mouthed, dissembling...on and on. Stereotypical males have their own limitations.

Jane: Like it volleyball, I was setting you for a spike! I was hoping you'd go on a tirade and say insightful and perhaps darkly funny stuff.

[ApatheticNoMore]

if her biological clocking is in overdrive in her late 30s onward and finally realizes it is not going to happen, 45 feels old to start a family even by adoption.

it is kinda

If she wants that fine. I don't think biological clocks are just a "worry", I think it's multifactorial, raging baby wanting hormones being one.

I'm not sure what this even means, unless it just means being horny or something (ok maybe 30 something is a woman's sexual peak, that I could believe). I think maybe a woman might wonder if she is missing anything by not having kids, especially if everyone around her does and it's all they talk about. Wondering if they might enjoy it or find it meaningful. But I don't think it has anything to do with hormones really.