The slow fade?

[CathyA]

Families can be so different. Some people should never have had children......but it happens all the time. Sometimes I think for us baby boomers, our to-be fathers came home from the war and were afraid that life was getting away from them, so they "settled" for the first woman who came along. Also......I think many people thought you had to be married to have sex, so they married for that........and when the interest in that wasn't so great, they realized there wasn't much else.

We were a very troubled family..........as were some of the other neighbors. But then there were the ones we envied, who seemed to have parents who actually loved them.......and were healthy emotionally themselves.
Everyone is different in how they can handle things. Of course, my bias with toxic parents is to lose them ASAP. But maybe those who have had better families growing up.....they can say to be kinder and more tolerant. It's not an easy thing to deal with.

[Ultralight]

Families can be so different. Some people should never have had children......but it happens all the time. Sometimes I think for us baby boomers, our to-be fathers came home from the war and were afraid that life was getting away from them, so they "settled" for the first woman who came along. Also......I think many people thought you had to be married to have sex, so they married for that........and when the interest in that wasn't so great, they realized there wasn't much else.

We were a very troubled family..........as were some of the other neighbors. But then there were the ones we envied, who seemed to have parents who actually loved them.......and were healthy emotionally themselves.
Everyone is different in how they can handle things. Of course, my bias with toxic parents is to lose them ASAP. But maybe those who have had better families growing up.....they can say to be kinder and more tolerant. It's not an easy thing to deal with.

Born down in a dead man's town
The first kick I took was when I hit the ground
You end up like a dog that's been beat too much
Till you spend half your life just covering up
Born in the U.S.A.
I was born in the U.S.A.
I was born in the U.S.A.
Born in the U.S.A.

-The Boss

[corkym]

CathyA: "I haven't read all the responses.......but I grew up in a family where my father was at first, an alcoholic.....then a "born again christian", who thought it would give him some power to become a minister. He disliked "others", and I believe he hated me. My mother had her head in the sand. I tried to be a good daughter, but it didn't seem to help. I divorced my father when I was about 31, when he was cruel to me one last time. Then I tolerated my mother until I was in my late 30's.......then I divorced her. We can all have our opinions ULA, but we've all had potentially very different upbringings and experiences. You have to decide for yourself if you appreciate anything at all about your parents.......or if they are toxic to you. I can't tell you how freeing it was for me to let them go. It was something I just had to do to breathe again. I've never regretted it.
Williamsmith, I think you said that ULA sort of owed his father something, since he had raised him. I'm afraid I have to disagree. My father "raised" me.....but he filled me with all sorts of problems/hate/etc., etc., and I owed him absolutely nothing. It's different if you're raised with love and sacrifice and support.........but quite another thing if you've been raised with none of that.
So ULA.......this is something you need to decide for yourself. Good luck with that. It isn't always an easy choice."

Ditto to what CathyA said. I don't know know how to copy her response like all of you do, I am very tech challenged so I am sure I have hit the wrong buttons. Anyway - There is something similar with a relative of mine who was abused in a horrible way and I would love for her to cut off all ties with her family as it has ruled her life. She has tried to do the grin and bare it thing but it just eats away at her. I feel it would be so much better emotionally for her if she had severed all ties and went on with her life. Therapy hasn't helped. Each family thing that comes up brings up old wounds. Also all these so called born again Christians that have been mentioned are not following the teachings of Jesus. I am a Christian and I guess they must be reading a different Bible than I am. UA, I hope you can figure out what is right for you and what is best for you. Another person responded by saying she keeps a polite distance. I think that is a good idea too, so the ties aren't completely severed but if you do need to contact them at sometime the line is still open. I hope you find peace in whatever you decide.

[Ultralight]

I hope you find peace in whatever you decide.

Thank you.

And I hope that relative of yours can find some peace too.

[Ultralight]

I was reflecting a bit more.

I really dislike American gun culture. And my dad shoving this messed up gun culture right in my face -- while I am driving -- and just not being safe with a firearm bothered me deeply.

Now keep in mind, I am a member of a gun club. I like to shoot sporting clays and such. I occasionally have gone hunting.

But the gun culture is frightening and grotesque and darkly bizarre. And my dad is now right in the thick of this mass insanity.

It makes me want to sell the two guns I do have -- just to distance myself from this crazy culture of gun nuttery.

[Williamsmith]

Your dad owns a gun. You own a gun. People are going to start thinking you are just like your dad.

[Ultralight]

I should probably quit fishing too.

And I noticed my dad drinks water and other fluids to stay hydrated. I should probably stop doing that too.

[ToomuchStuff]

He and my mom meticulously planned when and how many kids they were going to have. He chose to create me.

My dad did not plan to have an atheist and/or minimalist son; he is fine with the angler part mostly.

So he choose to create you, or not? I didn't realize the tech was even there to create a boy, then!
He choose to create life. That is it.
That still doesn't mean he is ready or capable to deal with you on terms you can deal with. Everyone has their issues.

[CathyA]

So he choose to create you, or not? I didn't realize the tech was even there to create a boy, then!
He choose to create life. That is it.
That still doesn't mean he is ready or capable to deal with you on terms you can deal with. Everyone has their issues.

I think a fair amount of the time, nobody chooses to create life.......they choose to have sex.......and the creation part is a potentially unfortunate/unwanted side-effect.

[ApatheticNoMore]

I was failed birth control, which is why I'm crazy, redundant, paranoid about birth control (I have an IUD and worry - feel the string for the 10th millionth time again etc.) and won't have any real true peace until menopause I guess. I can't imagine anyone anywhere (except post FULL menopause) ever having completely unprotected sex with no birth control, this sounds to me about like jumping out of a plane without a parachute (which ok at that point you want the consequences). No it doesn't make sex easy, it's not an easy thing.