Recovering hoarders?

[Ultralight]

...drunks who smoke.

Not good.

Sorry about your grandmother.

[Ultralight]

I have had a few collections and like IL I knew when the time was over and I never got carried away.

This is intriguing too! People collect, are amused by collecting, but then just quit or set a limit. They don't hoard. Hmmmm....

Without me our house would be a disaster. My DH would never put stuff away. I limit his junk to his office, garage and shed. However, he has noted that it is nice to have a home that you can invite someone over at any time and need not worry about the house.

Bless your heart. I'd be outta there.

When people keep collecting in spite of having too much junk it is really sad.

It really is.

[Teacher Terry]

I had some friends that there house was a mess due to illness I thought. It was a 4000 sq ft home and i was still working f.t. So I went a bunch of weekends to work on it and only got a few rooms done. Guess what within 6 months you would have never known I was there. Neither wanted to throw away their stuff. She even had a note taped to a lamp that her parents had given to her 40 years before. Really? Ugh! I knew then that i had wasted my time. When he was sick we would have to babysit her and then go over and help get rid of stuff. Then we couldn't leave it at their house or even with dementia she would pull out of garbage. In the end the family hired a firm to take everything and clean the house.

[Ultralight]

I had some friends that there house was a mess due to illness I thought. It was a 4000 sq ft home and i was still working f.t. So I went a bunch of weekends to work on it and only got a few rooms done. Guess what within 6 months you would have never known I was there. Neither wanted to throw away their stuff. She even had a note taped to a lamp that her parents had given to her 40 years before. Really? Ugh! I knew then that i had wasted my time. When he was sick we would have to babysit her and then go over and help get rid of stuff. Then we couldn't leave it at their house or even with dementia she would pull out of garbage. In the end the family hired a firm to take everything and clean the house.

Tragic.

[Teacher Terry]

Although at one point when they were forced to move from their big house to a 1000 sq ft rental they let me sell a bunch of their stuff and we made 2k for them with the condition they not be there. It was very very sad. They were awesome wonderful people that would do anything for you. But they couldn't have company because it was too embarrassing although at one point before it was too bad they would entertain. I think the illness (so many years of cancer for her and depression for him before his cancer and her dementia) and their tendencies pushed them over the edge.

[Chicken lady]

Ultralite, my family wouldn't say that because they love me and they understand what is going on with me. Anymore than my husband would say "do 50 push ups or I'm leaving." (I can't do a push up)

if if they had, I would have just collapsed in sorrow, because i would have been as capable of doing that as of doing the push ups.

what they did say is "living like this makes us unhappy." And then they listened when I said why I did it and what I needed. And they are supportive, like somebody lifting your hips while you do the first push up and still being there every day even when it takes you months to do one alone supportive. And they see that I keep working at it. And I may never get there, but I get better. And they know that I really want them to be happy and I keep trying.

which is a lot of why dh is in charge of decorating - but not really, it's really a compromise. "His" room has two chairs, a desk, a bookshelf with books and empty space, a small table, a stereo, a guitar, and a yoga mat. There are a few pictures on the wall. I have to ask before I carry anything in except his mail, as in "can I come sit with you with my book?" Dh, "yes. Don't leave it in here." "My" room is the cluttered messy basement and sometimes he has to remind me to clean it up. "Our" rooms are in between, but he just really doesn't like the dolls. I don't let him hang guns on the wall either.

if he gave me a room like that, I would display the dolls and spend a lot of time there, but I wouldn't invite people in because I'm an introvert and don't like people. Only my mom and anybody else I know if I found out they liked dolls. My nieces for sure! I would have them in to play! They are coming for my daughter's wedding and I really want to show them some of the dolls.

[Ultralight]

Ultralite, my family wouldn't say that because they love me and they understand what is going on with me. Anymore than my husband would say "do 50 push ups or I'm leaving." (I can't do a push up)

Hmmm... interesting.

if if they had, I would have just collapsed in sorrow, because i would have been as capable of doing that as of doing the push ups.

So if they did say something like "dehoard or we're done!" your family would fracture. That is rough.

what they did say is "living like this makes us unhappy." And then they listened when I said why I did it and what I needed. And they are supportive, like somebody lifting your hips while you do the first push up and still being there every day even when it takes you months to do one alone supportive. And they see that I keep working at it. And I may never get there, but I get better. And they know that I really want them to be happy and I keep trying.

The fact that you listened to them at all is actually pretty dang amazing. My mom would certainly say: "Like it or lump it!"

which is a lot of why dh is in charge of decorating - but not really, it's really a compromise. "His" room has two chairs, a desk, a bookshelf with books and empty space, a small table, a stereo, a guitar, and a yoga mat. There are a few pictures on the wall. I have to ask before I carry anything in except his mail, as in "can I come sit with you with my book?" Dh, "yes. Don't leave it in here." "My" room is the cluttered messy basement and sometimes he has to remind me to clean it up. "Our" rooms are in between, but he just really doesn't like the dolls. I don't let him hang guns on the wall either.

Zoning. I hear this is a popular strategy.

if he gave me a room like that, I would display the dolls and spend a lot of time there, but I wouldn't invite people in because I'm an introvert and don't like people. Only my mom and anybody else I know if I found out they liked dolls. My nieces for sure! I would have them in to play! They are coming for my daughter's wedding and I really want to show them some of the dolls.

You don't like people? Very telling.


Why does your husband dislike the dolls so much?

[Teacher Terry]

I can't live in a messy house so give my DH his space that I don't enter because it is messy. I also don't clean his office. When we first got together it was obvious I was alot neater so we compromised. He is neater then he was and I give him spaces to be messy. I don't need to be in his office, garage or shed so I stay out. I was in 2 bad marriages and we have a great marriage and have lots of fun together. My 2nd husband was a neat freak to the extreme but was a jerk and treated me badly. Also things have been known to disappear if #3 is gone for a week or so out of town and never misses a thing. What does that tell you?

[Teacher Terry]

I always say that he has to die first because I will me mad if I am dead and my beautiful house is trashed

[Ultralight]

I can't live in a messy house so give my DH his space that I don't enter because it is messy. I also don't clean his office. When we first got together it was obvious I was alot neater so we compromised. He is neater then he was and I give him spaces to be messy. I don't need to be in his office, garage or shed so I stay out. I was in 2 bad marriages and we have a great marriage and have lots of fun together. My 2nd husband was a neat freak to the extreme but was a jerk and treated me badly. Also things have been known to disappear if #3 is gone for a week or so out of town and never misses a thing. What does that tell you?

Man, if I offloaded some of my mom's stuff when she was gone and she found out she would lose it!

And if she left on a trip for a few weeks, which she and my dad do now with their campervan, and my sis and I cleaned the place for real...

I think my mom could try to hurt herself.