Quote Originally Posted by Ultralight View Post
So why don't you call your "boundary" what it is? An ultimatum. "Either you smoke outside the home or I go nuts and maybe worse."

If you called it what it is you'd probably get some flack like I get on here.
There is a big difference between a boundary and an ultimatum. Believe me, I've spent a decade in Al-Anon and I know the difference.

https://www.mindbodygreen.com/0-2807...tionships.html

https://vickitidwellpalmer.com/reque...ds-ultimatums/

https://www.kclanderson.com/surprisi...ary-ultimatum/

https://www.lynneforrest.com/clearin...ng-ultimatums/

https://www.affairrecovery.com/qa-wh...-and-ultimatum


I could go on and on. Google it yourself.



BTW, as I said, I "went nuts" because I was disappointed and frustrated. He did not honor my boundary (and frankly, it wasn't the first time). There are many reasons why I feel strongly about this boundary, including the fact that my mother died of emphysema, but that's irrelevant.

If you asked someone to do or not do something because it was important to you and they continued doing it or not doing it, you would be disappointed and frustrated, too.