The Daily Peeve / Rant

[Tybee]

That is truly sad; he wanted to be king for so long.

[catherine]

People have unrealistic expectations about how long money lasts and unrealistic expectations about controlling their money from the grave.

True. And it sure doesn't last long if you have a history of substance abuse and addiction. Or if you are financially illiterate.

My brother made a good living and he and my SIL wound up buying a "dream condo" on a river near where my SIL's Dad worked, so she had happy memories there. Then my brother got sick a few years back. When I called him a couple of years ago I was shocked to hear they were packing up their belongings and moving to an assisted living apartment.

After he died I spoke with my SIL and she said she was moving out of that apartment and moving to one on another river because she missed being able to look at the water. My guess is that my brother's medical bills and lack of income ate away at their ability to keep up with the expenses of home ownership.

At first I was horrified for them. That lovely condo, which I'm sure they hoped would last them the rest of their lives. As you know, that's what I would like to happen in my situation.

OTOH, is it SO bad to live in an apartment, where you don't have to worry about maintenance? You just pay your rent and be done with it? I think I have to adjust to an "either-or is fine" mentality. I've been thinking about that.

My oldest son has been advising me to see an estate planner to ensure I protect this property, and he's right. It's on my to-do list for this month.

This post turned into a rambling.. but it speaks to the difficulties of having expectations for your "stuff" beyond the grave.

[Tybee]

Having expectations for your stuff beyond the grave is definitely a source of suffering. That is one advantage of selling one's house and converting that to a number on the page that can used for care or inherited by your heirs. On the other hand, I still resent my brother for selling my parents' house very cheaply and daydream sometimes about buying it back.

With this place, I doubt it will be our last place, and we owe money on it. If it were paid for, that would be another kettle of fish. My aunt was big on passing individual properties to her children and gave one my grandmother's house and one my great aunt's house. The sons got a rental property and the other the family home. So she assembled four properties, one for each child, which I thought was very cool and one way to go. But I can't afford to assemble four properties. If we died tomorrow, the kids would have to sell this place and pay off the mortgage and split anything, unless I write some will leaving this house to the more local kids, who really like the house, and then leave money to the other kids. But is that fair?

And what to do if you have one really popular property that everyone wants, but it is your significant asset and you might need the money to care for yourself? At 11000 a month for memory care, you can go through a lifetime of savings very quickly, including the value of the house you've managed to pay off.

Back to the idea of what is being wealthy, to me it would be having enough that each of my kids could get left a paid for property they could live in. But that's not going to happen. So in my own mental schema, I'm not wealthy, and am just concentrating on having enough to meet my needs and look out for my husband and kids.

[happystuff]

We've talked to the kids about the house and they simply don't want it! They have lives away from this area and - at least at this point in time - have no desire to return for anything other than visits. Dh has a HUGE baseball collection that he initially said he was leaving to the kids. They have flat-out said that they don't want it! (Nor do I!). I have no illusions about my stuff after death. Whatever is left can be taken or disposed of as the kids see fit. If I find out someone wants something, I'll try to give it to them before I die. Otherwise, they are welcome to sell it and split the proceeds.

[early morning]

OTOH, is it SO bad to live in an apartment, where you don't have to worry about maintenance? You just pay your rent and be done with it?

tangentially - but still a peeve!) I hear this all the time from people who are wondering why lower income families keep kvetching about not being able to buy a home - just rent! It's great! No maintenance, no RE taxes..... what no one seems to want to talk about is that middle/lower middle class and working class rentals are often NOT well maintained, at least not around here. Getting something repaired or replaced is difficult and management has little incentive to follow the rules - Churn is the name of the game. Whereas before one could buy a fixer-upper for less than or equal to a rental cost and manage to actually come out ahead if you were able to do most of the work, or barter for it, that's so much harder now.

We did this. Bought a fixer farmhouse. Did our own basic repairs, painting, roof repairs, swapped basic labor for electrical work (you could do this sometimes with individuals, not with big companies!) Sold that house to buy a bigger/better one, still a fixer-upper, which we're still in now. After 35 years, it needs some work that we're unable to do, and our barter ability is gone, sadly. I like barter - DH once helped his dental surgeon move some of his office furniture for a free tooth extraction.

[nswef]

Oh I despise the new HP Microsoft 11 laptop! The screen is glaring no matter where I put it in our well lit house, the keyboard hurts my hands and back (I did connect the old keyboard so it can be in the right position..so now I am trying to figure out the VGA port to HDMI and I just get confused reading the directions. some say it works, others say no, so I think I'll get the converter cord. I want to keep my laptop on the same place where the desktop was and use its monitor that only glared in teh afternoon sun and not so the screen was nearly invisible! My eyes hurt!! Then the transferring of data to the new machine. 6 days to do that and I'm still not confident I got everything. But, I took a chance and unplug the desktop... Technology no fun these days for me. Now I am off to weed!!!

[iris lilies]

We've talked to the kids about the house and they simply don't want it! They have lives away from this area and - at least at this point in time - have no desire to return for anything other than visits. Dh has a HUGE baseball collection that he initially said he was leaving to the kids. They have flat-out said that they don't want it! (Nor do I!). I have no illusions about my stuff after death. Whatever is left can be taken or disposed of as the kids see fit. If I find out someone wants something, I'll try to give it to them before I die. Otherwise, they are welcome to sell it and split the proceeds.

I was just talking to my friend about this concept yesterday. She’s a little miffed because both her daughter and her sister have said they do NOT want her family heirlooms, the stuff she got from parents and grandparents, when she’s gone. They do not want the stuff. Period.

I told my friend that I thought her daughter and her sister were doing her a favor by communicating clearly that they would not value the stuff. If my friend wants the stuff to go to someone who values it, she needs to be offloading it now. She will have to spend her own time placing it into the hands of someone who wants it.

That doesn’t mean she has to get rid of everything, of course, but if she has things in boxes and in storage that she values and she thinks somebody should have, well, that’s on her to find a home for it.

[frugal-one]

We've talked to the kids about the house and they simply don't want it! They have lives away from this area and - at least at this point in time - have no desire to return for anything other than visits. Dh has a HUGE baseball collection that he initially said he was leaving to the kids. They have flat-out said that they don't want it! (Nor do I!). I have no illusions about my stuff after death. Whatever is left can be taken or disposed of as the kids see fit. If I find out someone wants something, I'll try to give it to them before I die. Otherwise, they are welcome to sell it and split the proceeds.

DH had a huge collection of 35mm cameras. Son told him he should get rid of it because he surely didn’t want it. So, DH did just that to the tune of $27,000! Son did want his collection of vinyl however, and has been selling it off. Reminds me to ask how much he has gotten so far …

[pinkytoe]

huge collection of 35mm cameras

DH has the same mostly packed away in a closet and they are never used anymore. I have stopped asking him to do something with them. I know if he goes first, I will be scratching my head about how to deal with all of it. It is one of my great frustrations that DH refuses to deal with his sh--.

[Rogar]

DH has the same mostly packed away in a closet and they are never used anymore. I have stopped asking him to do something with them. I know if he goes first, I will be scratching my head about how to deal with all of it. It is one of my great frustrations that DH refuses to deal with his sh--.

I just upgraded some of my photo gear and sold the old to KEH. They are reliable and offer fair prices. You can get more money for camera things on eBay or craigslist, but KEH is much easier. There's been a modest revival of interest in film cameras and gear but a lot of it still won't fetch much.