Quote Originally Posted by gimmethesimplelife View Post
You have a point here, I'm not going to argue otherwise. And I will admit I have looked the other way when others have done this. Typically when this happens a server will make a big deal of it in the back where the other servers are to get support going - only the strongest of the strong is going to do this without some support from the other waitstaff. I have felt so sorry for other servers as I know what it is like to be a victim of the general public with no recourse but to smile and tolerate abuse if I want to keep my job - so I have looked the other way as have all the other servers I have worked a shift with then this has happened. So ummm.....I'm condoning it by looking the other way. I don't like admitting this but it is true nonetheless. I'm wrong to look the other way, I'll admit that.....but the cost of saying something is intense politics and probable job loss if I do the right thing. The only way I can see winning when dealing with horrific customers is milking the situation to get something I want out of management - if I believe I can get whatever it is. Retaliation via messing with a guests food - once again I can understand it but it seems much more practical to use the situation to get something you want from management. And much more ethical to handle it my way, too. And I still get to wish the horrific table death out loud in the back and under my breath on the floor.

Flowerseverywhere, your post puts a new twist on this that I had not thought of before and I'm going to agree with you here. You have the high road here. Rob
for better or worse our behaviors and attitudes are the result of our life experiences. Bad experiences happen to all of us. Only you have the power to decide how to react to our experiences. Sometimes we have experienced really bad stuff. As I have posted before am mixed race and ended up in foster care. I had a lot of hurdles to climb. So here are my choices. Become a bitchy victim? Help those who are in less than ideal situations? Turn a blind eye to those who are mean, abusive or hateful? The decisions are endless.

sometimes we cannot make the best decisions without professional help. I really think you could benefit from some sessions from an impartional third party. You have health insurance.. Use it to work on your weaknesses and bolster your strengths. You have entered a long term relationship. Be the best you can be for you future spouse. You owe him.