Dreading Christmas and Thanksgiving

[poetry_writer]

We used to always go to my parents house Christmas Eve. My kids have delightful memories of the simply happy Christmases there......Now they are both gone. Grandparents dont live forever. Just something to think on.......

[jennipurrr]

I can sympathize with the family Christmas horror stories. Holidays stress me out in general, but family has generally been fairly low key about them until recently. My sister got her feelings all hurt last year because she couldn't make it to the big extended family Christmas celebration, but that is what moving 1000 miles away will do. So, now the family has switched it to a different day so she can make it. Well, I probably can't make it that day because that is when we usually go to DH's family's stuff but that is OK with me. I am very flexible. But, now the rest of the family thinks I should change things. So, I just had to be firm and say sorry we probably won't be able to attend this year.

Then last week DHs mother calls to say they may be doing Christmas at the beach and we are expected to attend. UGH WHAT??? I expected DH to say no way, but this is the biggest guilt trip ever because his mother is very ill with liver cancer right now. So, we might end up giving in, because "what if its the last Christmas?" I told DH there would be no last Christmas next year if there is some crazy scheme then. Christmas = DHs family drunken mess. Beach = DHs family drunken mess. This already sounds like a disaster in the making. I am really hoping they don't go through with the planning, which is quite possibly likely.

[Packratona!]

I can sympathize with the family Christmas horror stories. Holidays stress me out in general, but family has generally been fairly low key about them until recently. My sister got her feelings all hurt last year because she couldn't make it to the big extended family Christmas celebration, but that is what moving 1000 miles away will do. So, now the family has switched it to a different day so she can make it. Well, I probably can't make it that day because that is when we usually go to DH's family's stuff but that is OK with me. I am very flexible. But, now the rest of the family thinks I should change things. So, I just had to be firm and say sorry we probably won't be able to attend this year.

Then last week DHs mother calls to say they may be doing Christmas at the beach and we are expected to attend. UGH WHAT??? I expected DH to say no way, but this is the biggest guilt trip ever because his mother is very ill with liver cancer right now. So, we might end up giving in, because "what if its the last Christmas?" I told DH there would be no last Christmas next year if there is some crazy scheme then. Christmas = DHs family drunken mess. Beach = DHs family drunken mess. This already sounds like a disaster in the making. I am really hoping they don't go through with the planning, which is quite possibly likely.

All in the name of Christ.

[frugalone]

You know, I'm finding I am actually frightened to tell my family I don't want to exchange gifts. As if I should just keep putting on this big happy face like "everything is just fine" when it isn't. I'm down to my last $1,000, I may have to cash in my retirement and I'm on food stamps. And I'm afraid of my family. Sheesh. Someone slap me in the head.

[lhamo]

[SLAP!]

You want me to tell them? Cause I'd love to write something like this:

Dear LIB's family,

In case you hadn't noticed, LIB and her DH are kind of stressed out due to the fact that they don't have any income and have just about run through their savings. They'd love to spend the holidays with you, but are feeling even MORE stressed out because they know that you and your kids have some really oddly placed priorities and a sense of entitlement to gifts and extravagant spending that just doesn't fit their current reality. I am writing to ask you to be a real family and show some support and understanding. There will be no gifts from LIB and her DH this year. Not because they don't love you, but because they do and they want to have a real relationship with you that is based on mutual understanding and support in times of need, not what material goods might go back and forth between you. If you can deal with that graciously and make them feel welcome and supported, they would be happy to make the effort to spend time with you. If not then it is probably best if you don't plan any family activities during the holidays.

Wishing you a season full of the real meaning of Christmas,

LIB's friend

[iris lily]

That's a nice one, lhamo!

[frugalone]

lhamo, thank you. You kind of made me cry here, but it's a good kind of crying.

Thanks, everybody. I need to stay strong.

[frugalone]

Well, I did it. Or part of it. My sister asked if we wanted to pick names for gift-giving this weekend, and I told her we were opting out of exchanging gifts this year. She was cool with it. I'm sure my brother will be, too.

Whew!

[Valley]

I think that sometimes we worry so much about others' reactions, that we don't even give people a chance to surprise us! My husband and I have cut down greatly in our gift giving, and everyone has handled it very well. If they have negative feelings about it, they have had enough tact to not let us know. My sister sent us an email on Monday telling us that she is opting out of any gift giving this year. We understand and appreciate her honesty about their financial situation. All of us need to remember the true meaning of the holiday, and hopefully not get caught up in the expectations of others!

[jania]

ladyinblack1964, Congratulations on letting your wishes be known. I know it was hard for you and am happy to hear there was no big negative reaction from your sister. Maybe this will be the beginning of some new traditions for you, and your family if they like, that will allow you to enjoy the holidays.